Bitch, Back Down

Hey joooonie joons,

Happy Hump Day! Is it Friday yet?

I had a typical Persian kid’s childhood.  I went to mehmooni’s with my parents every weekend because not going was NEVER an option.  My friends were the kids of my parent’s friends.  And unfortunately, for me– I was the only girl in my age group.  The next girl to be born was nine years later. #buzzkill

I even looked like a boy

Even though, I was surrounded by boys growing up, I was never athletic, or liked games like Battleship (who understands that game anyway) or enjoyed watching sports- I still mix up baseball teams with football. I think deep down, my parents always wanted a boy because they forced the mushroom/bowl-like haircut on me and made me wear those long “capri,” ghetto shorts for years. 

THANKS MOM- this is what I had in 7th grade

But unlike, those attention-whores (AW’S), I really longed for someone to play Barbies with.  I could only convince those Persian boys to play “Pretty Pretty Princess” for so long.  And pretty soon, they caught up to my tricks and stopped listening to me for game ideas (deep down, I’m pretty sure they LOVED it).

Fast forward to high school- I was finally old enough to say “NO” to the Persian parties I didn’t want to go to (couldn’t avoid them all) and what was even more exciting, I made GIRLFRIENDS.

I didn’t have to be the awkward little girl trailing behind the pack of Persian boys lost in their game of “Capture the Ball,” I finally had sleepovers and listened to hours of Britney Spears with my girlfriends (none of whom were Persian).


I loved my girlfriends in high school.  I confided in them about everything… from my parent’s divorce to my first blow job.  Until my senior year when I found out that the girl I was closest to had a big fat mouth.     

I found out that she was telling people around high school about my family problems and was even exaggerating my sexual experience to others.  I always wondered why people were certain I wasn’t a virgin… and now I knew why.

Just sayin’

i was devastated.  I didn’t know how to react to any of it because i had never been betrayed by someone I trusted before.  

Back then, I was a little girl. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.  If someone hurt me, I’d cry.

While I think she’s a major bitch for what she did, I really couldn’t be more grateful.

Because now I can detect BATSHIT CRAY from a mile away and I know how to handle myself if anyone ever wants to f*ck with me again.

(At least I hope).

And let’s be real, as Persian girls, we HAVE to know who’s on our side and who isn’t because there are just too many haters out there YEARNING for the moment they can take you down.  What it really comes down to… is jealousy.

People lie because they’re insecure.

Insecurity can be draining.  But we’re all insecure.  I’m insecure about my breasts not being big enough or that the competition in my office might beat me out.  But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stoop down and take them out just to get ahead or worst… be liked.

#wisdom #drakeishot

More importantly, i REFUSE to let my insecurities rule my life. 

You know you have a problem if you can qualify in any of the following categories:

(1). “Don’t tell anyone but…” — you know those girls who tell you OTHER PEOPLE’S secrets? RED FLAG.

Realistically, we all do this to an extent.  I might tell Saaghi about what some beez said… but I will never tell her people’s most personal things — especially if they run in the same circles.  That person confided in ME for a reason and like my daddy always says, “if it’s not your information, then its not up to you who gets to know about it.”  

But here’s what the bigger problem is with all that– if someone is telling you about the most personal SECRETS of a mutual friend… what makes you think they’re not telling THEM yours?

What goes around comes around — if they’re talking about the other homegirl in your group, then you can bet your ass they’re talking about what you did last night too.

(2).  “OMG, I hate that girl…” — these bitches are the ones who talk shit about EVERYONE around you.

And I mean, they talk shit about anything as small as “ugh that shirt she is wearing is so ugly,” to “omg I hate that girl, she is so annoying- she always follows me around.”  You best believe that if they’re talking shit about their other best friends… then they’re going to be talking shit about you too.

You’re not special just because you get to bask in your friend’s haterade when you’re one on one— trust me when I say, you are definitely not the only “special” friend.

And lastly…

(3).  “That shirt is SO cute… but are you really going to wear that tonight…”– the back-handed compliment bitches.

They mask their negativity with what sounds like a compliment.  “OMG I love your haircut, but I’m going to miss you with long hair.”  These girls are always striving to keep you one level below them. They want YOU to look up to THEM so that they can keep “you in check.”

You’re forever their bitch.

High school ends… and so does their reign

Do you know what happens to these category bitches who screw you over because they’re just jealous or insecuuuur? They lose in the long run.  The hater never makes it to the top.

Haven’t you heard? The mean girls might make it far in high school, but the kind girls are the ones who make it far in life.  I’m pretty sure High School Beezy is still stuck in our good-for-nothing hometown.

After you screw over so many people… what can you expect?




Follow me on Twitter because you can: @Farrah_Joon

Don’t Hate,


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