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One time, at Frat Camp….

JOONS!

The day has arrived: SHAHS OF SUNSET is premiering! Share your thoughts on the show with us (FBOOK OR SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM)

Probs the best looking on the show.

As for me, I’m on a workout binge, so I’ve been uncharacteristically cheerful lately. I’m waiting for that one craving to kick in, that will have me abandon the gym for the pastry shop/CHIPS aisle. #waitforit

I realize I’ve been more FESSENJOON on this blog, then SEX — if you know what I mean. & its time for a HOOK UP STORY, Saaghi Style. Well, this is more of a HOOKUP FAIL.

As a freshman in college, and as someone who had just moved away from home for the first time, I transformed from a level-headed prioritizing good girl to an insane psychotic party animal.

By the time my first year had come to an end, I had been arrested, I had skinnydipped while crying my eyes out, and I had put the ultimate smackdown on a few people.

Clearly not my proudest moments. The only reason I was able to salvage some class (arguable) throughout this whole phase was because I had fallen pretty hard for one particular FRAT BRO (details on him later), and I strived to be his perfect trophy girlfriend. (If only I knew then what I know now…)

ANYWAYY. The first time I hooked up with MR. FRAT , we were camping with the rest of his frat. For those who know me, they know Saaghi doesn’t camp.

I’m sorry, my parents never took me to the nearest campsite so I could learn the value of a shower and a mattress. Even family picnics were a bit much for me, after the food’s done you’re just left with a bunch of nature, and bugs. NOT MY THING- sorry about it.

So, first off, Mr. Frat left me to pitch the tent because he needed to do bitchwork for the older guys- clearly, it was true love.(and this is when I became aware of the sexual connotation of ‘PITCHING A TENT‘) I had no idea what I was doing. So instead I sat on the un-pitched tent, and began dranking out of the handle of Vodka. BAD IDEA.

The night’s mostly a blur: I may have stumbled over a couple having sex in a neighboring tent, there was a pretty large blunt being passed around, and I really wanted to get busy with Mr. FRAT.

I lured him away from his BRO’s and he pinned me to a tree, and we went at it. Then, in my drunkenness, I thought about the bugs that could crawl up my shirt, and into my hair– and I freaked out.

We have to go somewhere else.”

We began to hook up inside the tent, where we had no blankets or pillows. But then, I couldn’t enjoy it at all. Mr. Frat was on top of me, and the cold earth was right under me. It was a mix of claustrophobia and hypothermia.

It was so cold, we both kept our puffy jackets on– and the hook up began to look more like two snowmen rolling around. The other drunk BRO’s were also having a really good time– overturning tents with people hooking up in them. Soon enough, we weren’t the only things rolling around, OUR WHOLE TENT was upside down.

Someone explain to me how the hell I am supposed to be turned on by this? EVEN if he does bite me.

Mr. Frat was unphased. He wanted it, and he wanted it badly. And as excited as I was originally for this whole camp-date-trip, I just wanted to sleep and go back home.

My sex drive was running on empty because my vagina was literally frozen.

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So, I pulled the ‘drunk card’– I’m too tired let’s leave it for the morning — and Mr. Frat relented, because he was pretty drunk too. Soon after, I regretted stopping the hook up because the sound of his snoring kept me awake the whole night. His roommates had told me he snored, but mixed with Beer– this was off the charts, man. I tried to nudge him to stop, but it did not work.

He fell asleep, and I stayed up, shivering, and listening to an orchestra of snores.

The next morning, not even iHOP chocolate chip pancakes could make me feel better. I, throughout breakfast, wanted to punch Mr. Frat in the face for depriving me of sleep and on our drive home, he wanted to talk so I couldn’t even take a CAR NAP.

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Mr. Frat & I were doomed from the start, and I should have known that- if the first time you’re hooking up with a guy, you’re thinking more about a warm fire and wanting to stuff a sock in his mouth, that’s probably a sign its not meant to be.

Any fun FAIL stories to share? Or anybody ENJOY camp hookups?

share share share

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER BECAUSE YOU LOVE MY DAD @SAAGHI_JOON

I really do love nature though,

SAAGHI  ساقی
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Comments

  1. I loved it ! Pishi pishi pishi ! lol

  2. Haha awesome story. Just a note, it would be awesome if you had a “comment” link at the bottom of the post too, so we don’t have to scroll all the way up to comment ;)

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