Joonies, hope you’re not packing on too many lb’s this New Years (1391). Our ‘Eidi’ gift to ourselves, and to you, is
It’s basically a little window into our brainstorm– the music, the visuals, and the words that get us writing ;)
We have a Guest Post, and this time its reaaallll interesting. One of our joonies reached out to us, a little distraught over her dilemma… read on to see if this was just a ‘caught up in the moment’ error of judgment, or just plain wrong.
*And the METH she’s referring to, ain’t the crystal kind. For clarification, check this: SINGLE OR JUST ADDICTED TO METH?
Ok, so we’ve all had crazy drunken nights where we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve ATE SHIT and we’ve hooked-up with our bestie’s crush right?!…(GUILTY)
And I know what your thinking…Oh, she’s THAT girl who uses the ‘I was drunk’ excuse to hook-up with guys she wouldn’t normally hook-up with, but lemme tell you a little story and I’ll let you decide who is the victim here.
This past weekend was one of my closest friend’s 23rd birthday and the protocol was: get wasted & have a grand old time. This friend of mine is part of my close group of girlfriends (my meth essentially) but our relationship with each other has been the rockiest of all mainly because my friend thinks I’m “perfect”…which I am no where near.
Coming from a Persian household it was always stressed that our problems, insecurities fears, etc. are private and therefore, I learned from an early age to grow a thick exterior and essentially pretend that everything was okay all the time, even when it wasn’t.
Yes, it was to the point that if I were upset about something and wanted to cry, I felt ashamed and wanted to hide it from my family, let alone all other people. So to my friends, I seem like a perfect Persian princess who has everything she’s ever wanted and who’s life is problem-less.
Over the years, this personality that I presented to my friends has caused some friction between us mainly because they are jealous of my “perfection” (if only they knew). This friend (non-Persian) in particular has taken it the most personal and the event of her 23rd birthday has only added to her unintentional jealousy towards me.
This friend of mine invited her 5-year-long crush (yes, 5 years) to come drink and party with us a.k.a a potential hook-up for my bestie
He was OFF-LIMITS. My friend was hoping that her 23rd birthday would be the night that they made the magic happen.
(Ohh White Girls–S&F)
During the course of the night, I had one shot too many, as did this boy. We were all dancing and having a good time until I feel this guy grab my ass and pull me towards him. We can all agree that alcohol brings out our sexual energy (aka makes us horny as f@#*!), so I had no problem dancing with him. In my defense, I was in a foggy state of mind– my friend’s crush and I have known each other for a few years (not to mention he’s pretty damn cute), so it felt natural to dance all up on him, SIIYAA (black) girl status.
One thing lead to another and before I even have time to react, lover boy leans in and kisses me. My faint memory and few witnesses tell me that I back off and push him away. At that moment I felt the angel on my shoulder and the devil in my head (shout out to Kaskade).
I wanted to do things to this boy that my Persian parents would disown me for, but the overwhelming guilt of betraying my best friend was just too much to handle.
As the night went on, word spreads about the evil best friend (me) and the long time crush “hooking up.” I spent a good amount of time crying in the bathroom (like a wasted sefid girl) because I felt guilty, confused, a lot disoriented and I just kept thinking that my girlfriend probably feels like someone just stabbed her in the heart.
When I wasn’t crying about being a horrible person I was shamelessly having eye sex with lover boy.
It was the strangest feeling I had ever experienced because on one hand I really value my friendships with the women in my life, and I am not one to betray the trust of my friends…but on the other hand I was really into this boy, I wanted him so badly that I was even willing to sneak around with him.
That night I was both disgusted with myself and yet it felt exciting to have taken a bite into the forbidden fruit (so much so that I wanted the whole apple). I proceeded to ignore lover boy for the rest of the night (sorta) and my bestie and I cleared things up. (Sorta).
Needless to say, my friends crush showing more interest in me in one night than he ever has to her in 5 years only added to her hatred for my “perfect” life. Technically, I did nothing more than kiss him (if we’re gonna get real technical, he kissed me) but were my feelings justified?
Should I feel guilty for WANTING to hook-up with him behind my friends back?
After thinking about that night long and hard I concluded that we are all human and we make MISTAKES (when we’re drunk we make even bigger ones) and sometimes we have feelings that we didn’t know existed. I know a lot of girls may read this and think I am a jende for even wanting to do the dirty with a guy who was essentially “off limits.”
Point is that its natural to wonder and its natural to want to do something that is taboo (Sex and Fessenjoon case in point) and we can’t let guilt hold us down.
If your bestie is a true friend, she will understand and you are both able to move on (even if she’ll probably always kinda sorta hate you). I mean it wasn’t like she was dating the guy….
Was I in the wrong? HELP! Let me know how YOU feel.