Say Hello to My Little Friend

Hola Joonies,

One of the main reasons why I try to avoid getting into some personal ish on this blog, is because my stories are more embarassing than funny. You know those memories you recall, even two years later, that still make you cringe and blush?

Yaa I got plenty of those, YOLO.

Today, we’re going to talk about my vibrator.

And how he found his way into my life, and came to be my best friend (jk…?). I know Farrah advocated “Practice Makes Perfect” but for me its not practice anymore, FUCK THAT, its how I deal with not getting any– for a while– and not putting out too quickly. Yeah, I said it– women are like men (clearly if you couldn’t tell from S&F): if men think about sex every 6 seconds, women do every 10 seconds.

A lot of girls dont want to admit how sexual they are, or they havent even realized they are yet- but when they do, it becomes a little tricky. They start dealing with something called a nun-slut complex: you don’t know whether to let the ‘Nun’ in you rule ruthlessly, as it usually does, or let the ‘slut’ run wild.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

ANYWAY, back to my friend. I was always one of those girls that thought masturbation was weird/gross/unnecessary. I, naively, did not even think many girls did it…until I got to college.  When I found out the girls in my sorority, that I never thought in a million years would be down with that, actually were…I was fascinated. I still didn’t buy into it initially, but I would hear my best friend’s stories, ‘how it relieved her stress’, how fantasizing was more fulfilling, etc…and I’d think: what would happen if I tried?

After getting an earful for a year, my curiosity peaked…while I was in Iran.

One summer, staying at my grandparents’ house in Tehran, I found myself always alone, bored, and hot.

The weather clearly had a huge effect on my libido, because in the intense heat, while forcing myself to read some Agatha Christie novel, all I could think about was sex. My pent up sexual frustration had turned me into a hormonal male teenager, and so I decided to try what everyone raved about, and

I fucking saw stars.

Needless to say, I didn’t have the tools in Tehran, but it was a perfect introduction to my sexuality.

Nice to meet you, too.

Fast forward a few months later, where I was still releasing myself manually. All of my friends had ‘friends’ (vibrators – if you haven’t caught on yet). Long ones, thick ones, expensive ones, cheap ones, squiggly ones…bla bla bla. I wasn’t averse to getting a ‘friend’ BUT I couldn’t bring myself to purchase one on my own.

Clearly my brother’s friend didn’t feel this shame, because he bought one for my straight BRO-y brother’s birthday. I guess buying sex toys is an inside joke for the immature. My brother laughingly told me this as he threw the vibrator into our garbage can. And took the trash out. He thought it was hilarious, but obviously couldn’t see a use for it.

I could.

Once my brother was out of sight, I ran outside my house, dug through the garbage (don’t JUDGE) and grabbed it. It was packaged of course, not a nasty tossed out vibrator–I SWEAR.

Thats how I met my friend. He can glow in the dark, and can take it slow or fast depending on my mood. He caters to me. He’s always sitting in the exact same spot, and until the Duracell AA’s die, he’s always very responsive.

This is why we’re besties.

I don’t really have a name for him, but I know he feels threatened when someone tries to replace him.

But that would never happen. My vibrator has really helped me-

a) release tension and frustration

b) get comfortable with my sexuality

c) understand what pleasure really is (aside from food)

I have yet to get very creative about the whole thing and explore the ‘realm of possibilities’, but for now it does the job, and I know this is going to be a preeetty long relationship :)

While you may not understand how necessary it is to have him, I guarantee you will understand when you become very frustrated with your sex life. and trust me, that day will come. Whether you fantasize about a crush, or Al Pacino as a coked-out Cuban gangster, you’ll start to get busy too…

So if you’re one of those girls who hasn’t joined the club yet, I really suggest you start getting comfortable with ‘down there’. Because it gets lonely, and needs friends too.






SAAGHI  ساقی

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  1. How old are you guys?

  2. We’re in our early-mid 20s :)

  3. i think it would be superfun to go to a passion party with you guys lol :)

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