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I Want To Taste All The Colors of the Rainbow

Hey joonies,

I feel the need to start this post off by really showcasing my stupidity.  Being lazy at work now that my project wrapped up is one thing, but eating expired yogurt takes on a whole new level of dumbass-ness.  Whatever, you live and you learn.  Make sure you always check your shit.

I had an epiphany the other day.  I always make this huge deal about how I never do what my parents tell me and I always make an effort to choose the other path (click here) and then I suddenly realized that when it comes to dating…

My parents have me wrapped around their Persian-manipulative fingers.

I’ve been so busy defying my parents when it comes to setting my professional goals that I didn’t even realize how much of an effect they have on my dating life.

You see, it wasn’t always like this… and I’m not really sure where it all went wrong.  But five years ago, the type of guys I brought home were definitely questionable.

As if going through my sia phase didn’t cause my father one heart attack, it caused almost two because I didn’t go for your typical swagged out sexy mother fucker– I went for the guys chillin on the stairs at my junior college who talked with a fake ass “ghetto” accent and wore a grill.

Imagine bringing Lil Wayne home to Baba joon

This would have caused heart attack #3.  

Obviously, I grew out of that rebellious phase (I stick to the Kanye/Drake/JayZ swag now), but it’s not like my “preferred” type really evolved THAT much from there.  Dating a gogo dancer in college was definitely not ideal for my parents and bringing him home to pedar-joon was probably one of the more dumbass decisions I’ve made in my lifetime (Don’t remember that story? Click here).

But after all my dating duds, I finally accepted what my parents had been screaming in my ears throughout all of it, “You need to be with someone worthy.”

So I started to go for guys who I thought were better. And by “better” I mean, they were going to good schools, they had bright futures ahead of them, intelligent, sophisticated, etc.

I was judging guys on superficial qualities that Persian parents spend our lifetimes encouraging us to live up to.

And I got stuck with the douchebag cocky “gentleman” who would rather stay at home with mommy bragging about his accomplishments than to even consider being the supportive and wonderful partner that we should all be with.

And guess what.

My parents didn’t approve of him either.

But here is what it gets really f#cked up.  I’ve recently started noticing that when a guy approaches me, the first thing I do is check his stats- what does he HAVE… not what IS he.  I don’t even consider whether he’s a nice guy or not until after the first date.  I always go down the checklist to see if “superficially” he will meet my parent’s expectations before agreeing to a date.

A doctor?  You’re golden.

Master’s degree?  Good enough.

PhD? LET’S GET MARRIED NOW.

And we all know how much I HATE it when guys do that to me.

But thanks to parental pressures, jerk is what I usually bring home

And my first realization of this bullshit test I was putting guys through was at the grocery store by my house.

One of the cashiers first caught my attention when he remembered my name after just two visits.  Even before the small talk started, he never charged me for double bagging my groceries and would just do it without asking (most cashiers just give me the stink eye when I ask for extra bags… haters).

(It really is the simple things in life you start to appreciate when you get bored with the dating scene)

#JustSayin

Once the conversations began, I realized how funny and smart he is.  But… he is a cashier at a grocery store.  How could I ever mention him to my father?

And then last week, when he found out where I work (not at a grocery store)… it didn’t even phase him.  All he said, “Wow that is so awesome, you must love it there.”  There was no hint of competition and that was when it hit me.

Why have I been writing this guy off just because he rings up my groceries?

I’m judging him based on his cover- all I really know about him is what I’ve seen when I’m out buying food for the week.

How do I really know what he’s about?  Maybe he just does this because he’s supporting himself through school or maybe he really is happy bagging groceries.

But at the end of the day, who gives a shit– as long as he’s nice and supportive… right?  

Why do we have to waste so much effort on choosing someone because we’re worried about how our community is going to view us?  So what if I date someone who bags my groceries– I just want someone supportive and if that’s him, then I should be SO LUCKY to have found the guy who makes ME happy.

Now I’m not saying that I’m going to start dating Mr. Groceries, because reality check- he hasn’t hit on me.  But I’m tired of going after this type of guy that my parents will be so excited about just because he has a good job and went to a good school.

There should be more important things in life than your resume.

Now that I’ve realized why I keep dating losers … I’ve decided to actually make an effort to change it.  Since my New Year resolutions didn’t really work (been to the gym maybe 5 times?), I’m making new “spring” resolutions:

(1). I’m not going to judge a guy based on what he does.  Obvs I would not date a drug dealer… but that’s just for safety reasons not because I’m being a judgmental bitch.

(2). Don’t judge a book by it’s cover– so what if he has long hair? Maybe he’s really amazing.  Like a documentarian with an edgy look?  Who cares what daddy thinks, it’s not like he’s wearing a grill…. #yadadamean?

(3).  I’m going to try things differently.  I’m not going to be so closed off.  I really do want to…

… taste all the colors of the rainbow.

You’re only in your 20’s once, right?  So here’s to a new dating style.  Let’s see how long this one lasts.

Any advice before I dive in?  What are YOUR spring resolutions?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM

FACEBOOK US

Follow me on Twitter you’re over douches too: @Farrah_Joon

Here’s to no more dumbass men,

FARRAH فرح
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Comments

  1. you can be true to yourself or decide to please everyone else in your life except yourself. choice is yours, as are the regrets later on in life! just be true to yourself and you will find the perfect match. we are all way more transparent than we think and people will see that.

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