Bullsh!t & Party.

Ayo for Yayo,

anyone see Farrah’s last post? Sh!T’s heated in the comments section, check it out.

And you know, she wrote back cause she’s a BOSS, and I respect her for it. If you don’t vibe with what we write- I respect that too.

& I respect it even more if, despite disagreeing, you keep reading.

Because that is why SEX&FESSENJOON exists. Not because I am obsessed with writing about how much I love sex, how I party, or how embarrassing my dad is.

If you can see past the sex talk, and the capslock/BOLD typing, you’ll see we’re trying to get this culture to start talking. It makes for some uncomfortable reading sometimes, especially if you’re not ready or haven’t had certain experiences yet but take it from a FORMER PRUDE-ITE: when you fall from Eden, you realize how natural “sin” really is.  

This lack of discussion in Irooni culture, can lead to some destructive behavior and dangerous mentalities.

I can’t expect my grandma to understand my attitudes towards sex, she grew up in effing ESFAHAN (nesfejahanBITCHES) and she was married off at 12. That is not my life, and it clearly will never be–I’m still single a decade past 12yo. But how can I carry over her mentality to my new life in America, and the new demands of this culture–being unmarried, having a career, and an active social life?

I can’t and I shouldn’t

Do you still use Netscape Navigator?

I didn’t think so, and that is within the past 20 years.

I can accept the flaws in my culture, and at S&F we work to change it. Not by telling our JOONIES, to BULLSH!t & party, but by writing that we’re still Iranian, ALIVE, and well– while doing it. You don’t have to be our extreme, but we hope that our extreme can moderate the extremely conservative culture.

The day that a girl gets raped and is too ashamed to talk about it because she’s no longer a virgin, is a sad day for the Iranian-American culture.

Aside from feeling violated, she has this extra dimension of no longer holding the “jewel” called virginity, a concept which is outdated but for some reason, we REFUSE to shed.

That therapy is still a stigma? Despite all the baggage we may carry.

The fact that a guy who doesn’t make a certain amount of money has to strive for an image, or risk shame in the community.

Or how an unmarried girl past 30 years old, is torshideh, a sad and desperate creature we must all pity– EVEN if she is wildly successful. The worst part is that, she believes it too…that she should pity herself.

Or how ALL of us grow up and are so reluctant to question. We don’t have any CAJONES, and the people that do are “dirty hippies”. I don’t get it, some of us– girls included–refuse to move on from cultural traditions, and shed the judgment that feeds it.

R.I.P Maurice Sendak

We refuse to HELP us, HELP ourselves.

I’ve learned the most dangerous mentality of all is the love of ignorance.

Farrah & I don’t write because we want people to imitate our actions, but we’re doing it because no one has before, and without it the dialogue is missing a voice.

I love all of you JOONIES, who read, and take what we write as an opinion not a command, and don’t discount our voices because it doesn’t line up with the values you have.

Sickest song on REPLAY for me:





SAAGHI  ساقی

What’s New


  1. afarin, kheily ghashang bood. :) <3

  2. Nazanin says:

    Bravo Saaghi! Speaking as an almost “torshideh” female I can say that while I may not relate to or agree with all your blogs, I definitely can relate and support most of what you are saying. It’s comforting for a girl to know that what she is doing which is outside the Iranian traditional norms, is ok and she is not a crazy slut because of it.

    As years go on, the world changes, people change, ideas change…and we can’t fight it. Currently I fall asleep at 11PM watching Iranian soap operas, but I remember what it was like to party like it’s 1999…yeah I do…literally in 1999, and I remember how I tired to hide it from the Persian community. I lived a duality which bothered me until I was in my mid 20’s when I actually went and saw an Iranian therapist and decided to be who I really am…once you embrace who you are and live it out loud you are free.This is a freedom many women in our culture never had, and might not have…It is because of blogs like this that allow girls to embrace who they are. Your blog is not giving them the green light to sleep around and party all the time, it allows them to be comfortable in their own skin.

    Love you ladies!

  3. well said, I think we should talk about boys and sex too since the sick mentality that sex is just for men and if women enjoy it they are the same as prostitutes still exists even amongst the most liberated ones, it is very important to work on our men to free themselves of these wrong stigmas and move on. I’m sure there are lots of interesting stories to be told by our boys who are disgusted of their own mentality but do not know how to express themselves.

  4. “the sick mentality that sex is just for men and if women enjoy it they are the same as prostitutes” – I don’t think such a mentality exists among Persians. Being OPEN about it is considered inappropriate. I was just really taken aback by that comment, are there Persians that think like that? If there are then I’m completeley unaware of this “sub-culture”.

    • Hi Sara!

      The mentality exists, and it greatly represses female sexuality, but its not exclusive to Persians, you may have heard of it–in its most extreme form– as the ‘Madonna-Whore complex’.Because (for iroonis) mothers still play such a strong role in raising their sons, oftentimes, this becomes an unintended consequence psychologically.


  5. you guys are amazing! thank you for taking the time for saying the things that need to be said so desperately within our community. the things I WISH I COULD SCREAM when i see how hurt our community is by the inapplicable traditions we blindly follow. a

  6. Anonymous says:

    Look, I really like you guys overall, but think the problem that keeps arising is that you guys do massive generalizations about Iranian-Americans. While some Iranian-Americans (‘Persians’) might face these types of pressures (such as the Madonna/Whore complex you refer to), all of them most certainly do not. And if they do suffer from it as a result of pressure from their parents, it is not necessarily because they or their parents are ‘Persians.’ I grew up going to Catholic school and can tell you that some of my American and Latin American Catholic friends (and some of my close American Jewish friends) also dealt with issues like this. But MOST of my classmates and friends *did not.* I also have a best friend born and raised inside Iran– not an American– who is quite liberal and open-minded about her sexuality and came from a family who never pressured or judged her for it. I am sure other readers can add tons of other examples. It would be responsible on your part, as writers/bloggers, to add some nuance to your discussions.

    I, for one, have not had to deal with anything even remotely like your last post – and I am a ‘Persian’ woman. So please be responsible writers and make sure to make it clear to readers that what you are writing about as ‘Persian’ women is based on either YOUR personal experiences or based on the experiences of people you know or have spoken with/interviewed. Don’t lump us all into one monolithic whole. Because I was blessed with some awesome, open-minded parents who did not put me through these massive and sometimes negative generalizations you often write about. And rest assured, there are certainly other young ‘Persian’ (i.e. Iranian-American or dual-national) women who had an experience that has been similar to mine, and not yours, who would not appreciate being stereotyped in the way that you are doing. A lot of non-Iranian readers read your blog and will take it as a wholly correct source of information in spite of your stereotypes, and it is not fair to the group you claim to wholly represent (i.e. women like myself) that you be that main source of information, when you take no pains to add context.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: