Joonies, Farrah really imparted some Royal Wisdom, yesterday. I even took note, so make sure you read before you continue man-hunting.
As for me, last I left you guys I complained that my virginity is not a challenge. But as one witty comment put it: “*WAS.”
My Virginity Was Not A Challenge.
I finally figured out what a penis was (outside of a banana), and realized oral sex wasn’t just a prostitute-thing.
In the end, I had sex, and I didn’t castrate the guy afterwards. Or have my hymen reconstructed.
Like I said in the last post, what I did isn’t for everybody. Sometimes I wear capes and NEON jean jackets, that’s also not for everybody. So let’s leave judgment at the door and laugh a little:
After realizing my mom was ALL WRONG about putting out in a relationship, I decided to value my intellect, and decide for myself how I was going to start having sex. (& to be perfectly honest, with my plans– marriage doesn’t look like much of a reality for a while, so I really didn’t want my vagina to shrivel).
Still, I didn’t have the balls to go screw whoever– I was inexperienced. So I bought myself a little time, when I got to college:
I made a pact with myself that I would lose my virginity before I turned 22.
If a relationship blossomed, then it would happen that way. If not, we’d have to get creative.
I realized all girls think they decide when they’re going to lose it, but they have no foresight and no control– even when they do it with boyfriends they’ve been with for years. They end up crying about it anyway, they end up regretting it anyway, and they all MOVE ON, ANYWAY. So, I was going to skip the heartbreak and get straight to the point– but clearly, it’s not as easy as I thought.
By the time you get to college, Guys are less inclined to screw virgins because they believe Virgins Go Psycho. This became a real obstacle to my goal. I knew The V word would really scare any guy off who I wanted to casually date. It’s as if guys believe that a few minutes would cast me under a spell of ‘eternal worship.’ Sometimes I wanted to scream:
“Your penis does not have magical powers, I have no interest in stalking you for eternity.”
So, aside from wanting to leave VIRGIN-land, I wanted to knock down the myth that ‘having sex with a virgin would make them stage five clingers.’
I found a guy (Persian, strange enough!) I was physically attracted to and could mentally stand (rarely), we had hooked up a few times before, and I knew there would be no possibility of emotions developing. I thought, ‘hm, I’ll never even look back.‘
So the next time I caught him drunk, I dragged him into his room, and we did it.
No stars, no rose petals, and no candles. It was as sentimental as the Velcro-fastened skirt I was wearing. Just the way I wanted it. There was loud music, kids banging on the door, and the smell of beer&weed.
It was less pleasure, more discomfort. No mind-blowing pain, thanks to the alcohol. At some points, I didn’t even think it was happening. And within a few moments, I was bored– so I pushed him off, re-fastened my skirt, and went looking for my friends.
The best part of all is this, he had no idea I was a virgin– and he still doesn’t.
Even though we hooked up a few times afterwards, I had no impulse to tell him because that night didn’t mean anything to me. I wasn’t robbed of anything and I walked away with the satisfaction that no guy could claim my hymen like a trophy.
I’m sexual for myself and for my own pleasure. I’ll always remember I had my first time with him, but he never took anything from me that I regret giving. He was nice, he was hot, and he helped me conquer my fear that sex would always be a power struggle over respect.
I know a lot of people do not understand why I decided to take this path– every one of my friends and I always discussed what our first times would be like, and I was pinned as the ‘heart shaped bed’ kinda girl… but when I evaluated what sex was really about, I decided to do what I wanted– whether it was reckless or rash, at least it was me.
& having no-strings-attached sex didn’t make me want to have sex with every guy I hooked up with. If anything I didn’t get what all the hype was about– it was so whatever. I didn’t realize until the next time it happened what sex was really about. The truth is:
your first time is not an indicator as to what sex is, it’s just an awkward, uncomfortable/painful few minutes–It is who your first consistent partner is that shapes your sexuality. And he is the one you need to, and naturally will, emotionally invest in.
And News Flash for the girls: one poke isn’t going to cut it, the Vagina is hard to conquer ;)
After that one time, I didn’t do it until someone I really liked came along. It was so much easier to have a real relationship with him, without the baggage of the big V.
Its like the training wheels were off, and I was ready to go biking on trails to enjoy some real views.
I firmly believe no relationship is real without sex. Don’t tell me he’s the one you want to be with forever if you haven’t slept with him. Sex in a relationship is like communication: you need it and if you don’t work on it, it’s dead.
There were consequences to my decision, of course, as there are to any, maybe I didn’t go through the cry-fest or heartbreak my friends did, but I had the burden of having to put the EMOTIONS back into SEX, instead of taking it out– we can talk about the coldhearted MANEATER I am, later.
But one thing I know for certain:
There is not enough money in the world that could make me want to go back to being a virgin. Being good at sex is one of the most empowering things for a woman, unlike waiting to be a virgin sacrifice.
Think I’ll look back and regret that I didn’t lose it to my one true love?
TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON
Not A Praying Mantis,