Get it In With: Persian Girls

Hola Joonies,

It is finally the weekend. & while you may not have specific plans to go out and ‘rage’, if you’re smart– you’ll have a booty call on speed dial because it is starting to be a really hot summer.

I don’t know what it is about the high temperatures that drives up people’s sexual desires. You would think that you’d want to avoid getting all sticky and sweaty

Anyway, summer is mating season for us homo-sapiens.

In the winter we hibernate and store fat, and when March rolls around we get on protein diets and treadmills so that by July, we’ll be struttin’ like peacocks.

with flaming hot cheetos?

So this summer, we’re gonna streamline the process for you Joonies. We’re going to help you get what you want, even if you don’t want to publicly admit those wants.

Call us Freud: You got needs. We want the stories.

So for the first edition of “Get it in With”, we’re focusing on PERSIAN GIRLS. (Because we’re natural experts on that DUH)

How to get it in with a Persian Girl:

>Dress to Impress: leave the hair gel and the saggy jeans in the 90s.

>Do NOT look at her, or give her a measurable amount of attention.If you do very early on, she’ll move on to a guy who is more challenging.

Just a simple ‘Salaam’/Hello and then move to the bar or something else. Even better– a NODyou don’t even use your vocal chords to say hello— that will drive her crazy.

>Chat with her girlfriends. Be extra-friendly. Most Persian girls are catty/competitive when they’re in groups.

> By this point, I’m sure she’s tried to catch your attention– whether interjecting in conversations, bumping into you, etc. Start a conversation, but don’t be too enthusiastic.

Extra points if you end the conversation abruptly to go see a friend.

>If you’re at a pool party/the Beach, don’t stare anywhere from the chin down. Because even if you think she’s got a sick body or has a nice ass/rack, she’s probably insecure as f#ck–especially in her bikini showing that much skin.

You staring at her is going to make her think you see the Kabob leftovers she scarfed down last night, and she’s not going to get more naked. I assure you.

>Give underhanded compliments. Never say, “well, you’re beautiful..” or some BS like that. She gets that enough from white and black guys. Try something more witty, that leaves her wondering ” did he think I was attractive or…fat?

This is where the game changes:

If you want to date her, get her number.

If you want to sleep with her, get her number.

But don’t ask for it. Persian girls hate it when you ask–for numbers, for dates, for blow jobs. Its better when you assert yourself, rather than ask for permission.

> Allow her to find you at the end of the night. The more distracted you are, the more she’s going to want to shine for you.

>NEVER ever make a move with your friends around. You will get rejected, and BURNED.

The Persian Girl is extremely self-conscious about reputation, and image. She’d rather lose out on a guy and go home alone, than be a trashy hook up.

>Finally, when you want to seal the deal, be sweet and sensitive. This is where you want her to justify that she’s making the right decision by getting with you. If in that moment you’re treating her like a princess, its extremely smooth logic.

If you’re being sarcastic and underhanded still, her brain’s  DOUCHEBAG alert will go off– and you’ll just end the night with blue balls.

Now Joonies, those are some helpful guidelines– of course some girls LOVE saying ‘I’M NOT A TYPICAL PERSIAN GIRL’ but really, there are more similarities than not.

Don’t worry girls, we got PERSIAN GUYS, ARAB GUYS, BLACK GUYS, allll of it cooking in the ‘post oven’ for ya.






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  1. What the hell. This was all sarcasm, right? :-/

  2. sohrab esfandiar says:

    how could you be so superficial, sara?

  3. This better be sarcastic, because it’s so far away from the truth!!

  4. ya I dont think so… all of those, maybe with the exception of not asking for a number in front of your friends, will get the opposite of “getting” it with a persian girl… you just have to “Naz Keshi” we all know this.

  5. Sars, you’re clearly a very simple Persian girl who is turned on by a guy paying her too much attention. You could say that you’re rather easy, because any guy who can compliment you can have you. The rest of us like a little bit of a challenge, and someone who has a little bit of game.

    Great points!! Loved the article. Keep up the great work.

  6. Ummm I don’t know who wrote this edition of sexandfessenjoon as the content and humor was off. I’ve read enough posts to see a common thread however this specific post just wasn’t cooked right.
    The info was all off, waaaay off!

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