& The Oscar Goes To…

Hello Joonies,

Happy Labor Day Weekend: a holiday that’s lost its historical significance, but we shop and party hard for it anyway.

As for myself, I didn’t really shop (that’s a lie, I’m an addict) or party– but I did think about sex a lot. Because I haven’t been having any…and while that’s a tragic topic on its own, I was thinking more about

Faking Orgasms.

I know it seems I’m getting a little ahead of myself since I have no one to fake it with, but that’s exactly why I wanted to write about this. Sex and Orgasms have become two very different dry spells:

 I’ve been having real O’s courtesy of my little friend — and I can have it whenever, wherever (no, not at work). With sex, its not as convenient, and definitely not as much of a guarantee.  Here comes the earth-shattering fact of the day: Not every woman orgasms from sex..every time.

While for every girl that may seem like old news, there are a lot of guys who think “but she’s never been with me”. Especially Persian doodool-talas. I mean, it is made of gold…

Every persian guy thinks he’s going to be the golden doodool to rock your world.

That he’s waaay better than anyone before, and anyone who’d come after. In his mind, you should be singing ‘Best I Ever had’ once he’s finished.

As you can imagine, reality is quite different. They talk a big game, but delivery is weak.

But, for  me, the question always was– do you shatter their ego and let them know the magic is not happening? Or do you play along and let them keep their delusions?

I’ve never faked an orgasm, and I don’t think I ever will. But I do believe in faking the show, if you know what I mean.

Here’s my philosophy:

Having sex is an awkward, intimate experience. No, not just the feelings-part of it– the getting naked, and rolling around part.   Most likely, both partners are kind of insecure (no matter what they think their private parts are made of).

In situations like this, it really boils down to simple Psychology and the power of positive reinforcement.

From my experience, with a sub-par hook-up, I can do one of two things:

1. Lay there like a corpse, or actually verbalize “That’s not working for me, can you stop?”

This means shattering his delicate ego. And faced with his own inadequacy, he’ll deflect his insecurities onto me– or, he’ll just give up.

2. Lead the way: Yes, the ‘Oh baby” “yes right there” routine.

Help him, help you.

When he’s getting warmer, I like to give him some positive feedback so at least he keeps going in that direction. It’s behavioral conditioning: The more I like what he’s doing, the more of those sounds that he so loves will he get.

So while Faking It might keep the guy clueless and lost, Exaggerating a bit will make him want to get a map and get there.

This keeps his fragile, insecure self intact, and it makes sure I get something out of the lesson. I may not get the Big O all the time, but I’ve made peace with the fact that a guy can’t do what my battery-operated lover can. A lot of people think women fake orgasms out of their own insecurity or boost their men’s egos. I don’t think those motivations are productive, but at the same time, for as difficult as it is to please a woman, I think its fair to show you appreciate his efforts. Every guy I’ve ever been with has been equally as insecure about his ‘sexual prowess’, and to crush him with reality seemed a little pathetic.  Call me the paradox of feminism– but I think the anatomy of female sexuality is more unique and complicated than that of a man, and so each guy has to be-retrained and customized for you. So it means the woman has to be a patient teacher…

You can’t spank a five year old into learning algebra, and you can’t shatter a man’s ego into pleasuring you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, when I say exaggerate or “put on a show” I never EVER mean act like a porn star. If he expects that, he’s too young for you to sleep with.

And, if you’re not getting what you want and you’re sleeping with him regularly– PLEASE feel free to pull out the honesty. Because a girlfriend who orgasms, is a happy girlfriend.




So not faking the LOVE.

SAAGHI  ساقی

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  1. oh thank god so im not the only one who behaves this way. i was starting to feel insincere but i think besides guiding/encouraging him, “exaggerating” makes the experience more enjoyable for oneself.

  2. thats why i date white women. Iranian women are to high maintenance and over think everything. I am iranian and do not think I am a doodool talah. What you miss in this article completely is talking it out with your partner or even one night stand what you want. Instead you paint a complete black and white picture. fake or lie. nothing makes a man more confident than knowing the sexual partner will vocalize his or her wants. By you exaggerating or faking anything you take away from constructing an awesome sexual environment for yourself.

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