Here’s my Number, Call me…Maybe?


There’s been a lot of politic and office blabber as of late– and we all know you joonies bookmark this blog for some sexytime.

Unfortunately, the problem with committing to being a sex blogger is that you have to have sex. And while I’m missing some action in my life right now, I’ve been blessed with some variety in the past because, wouldn’t it be boring if an S&F blogger had sex with only one person?

Wait, scratch that—Wouldn’t it be boring if anyone had sex with only one person?

One is too little. How many is too many?

(or as BiBi would say, where’s the red line?)

Obviously there’s no number that works for everyone, but for the average person of this generation, keeping the number low is going to be difficult– considering people get into relationships at a SNAIL’s PACE.

And we all have needs.

But then again, we all have self-control too.

What an internal battle, huh? And then (if it applies) add the whole “Persian girl stuck in an image conscious culture” element, and BAM, you have a serious number complex.

And I’ve done my fair share of research, asking guys I know from all different backgrounds,

Would you care about a girl’s number?

and a lot of them are very PC with their answer, but if you keep prying, they’ll say

“Well, I wouldn’t ask…but if its high then I think something’s up…

If its been with guys she was serious with, then it’s fine” 

“I mean as long as its not crazy like 25 or something”

Most of them said this, and I was thinking

“So you’re probably pro-abortion, but you kinda still wanna tell me what to do with my body?”

On the other hand, some girls are even worse. Since we share everything with our girlfriends (where TMI was born), we get a fair share of judgment and ideology from them too.

“Yeah, that’s too high of a number” 

“Aren’t you worried about your number?”

“OMG, I’d DIE if I had to live with that number”

Sometimes guys are more easy going than girls about this whole “issue”. Because a lot of them are aware of HOW much they get away with.

If a guy says he’s had more than 20 partners, not many people would think twice. A girl? Somehow she’s branded with Desperate & Easy.

And this is something WE all help perpetuate together. Its not a product of just male domination anymore, as Iranian-American girls–we’ve bought into it too.

And we worry. and we get anxiety, and we think

“Can I live with admitting that I’m going to have multiple sexual partners, and maybe not all of them will be my boyfriend?”

Here’s my two cents, that I think logically makes sense:

The number is none of his business, but it is definitely yours.

The only person you have to answer to is YOURSELF. People have different thresholds. So, if you don’t like the idea of having sex with a lot of people– don’t do it.

But don’t deny yourself the pleasure of having sex, because you’re too preoccupied with the anxiety of how many.

That’s like spooning Nutella AND counting the calories. Who does that?

And even if your girlfriends try to give you grief, if you’re confident that you had sex WHEN you wanted to and WITH WHO you wanted to, then tell them to grab a jar of Nutella and take the stick out of their ass.

Often times, the girls who MOST worry about their numero, are the PSYCHO-CLINGERS that guys avoid like the plague. Because they feel like they need to leech onto whatever and whoever, for the sake of keeping a number down. So essentially, they settle because they don’t want to run the risk of being branded “Desperate and Easy” OR… a WHORE.

Because surely, it makes a lot of sense to give up personal happiness just to make sure no one talks sh!t on you.

For a brief minute, I fell victim to the number complex. Because I sat down and started thinking ..hmmm, are there long-term consequences to my short-term actions? But then I decided, those long-term consequences were diseases, pregnancy, and hurt feelings– NOT oh what would the future khastegar (suitor) think.

Today, our lives are so different than our parents’ than any past generation. We’re single for MUCH longer. We live alone for MUCH longer. And we make waaay more $$$.

In essence, we have more options: I can take the time to figure out who I am, before I jump into a commitment.

Now that sort of independence is a luxury, but sometimes I feel like I treat it as a burden. Almost like an Hermes Birkin that gathers dust.

And any time I start to worry about the little number line in my head, I just remember how good the sex was. So I say, F#CK the guys who ask…because they should know better. Wait for them to grow up.

Worrying about your “Number” in your 20s is an insecurity, just like how you worried about your hair or body in high school. And whenever I look back at old pictures, it was never as bad as I imagined.

Yaknow what I mean?





SAAGHI  ساقی

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  1. loveeee this. truth

  2. Bless you, a lot of people (women) need to be hearing this. It really can be a horrible internal conflict that takes away attention and energy from things that are actually important. People don’t realize that this kind of anxiety needs to be addressed. It’s not little, it can have serious psychological consequences. Oh, and I would actually be turned off by a guy who’s stuck his hoohaa in 20 vaginas. Just sayin’.

  3. persian guy says:

    Just because a guy, or to generalize, guys, have arbitrary # limits for their potential partner does not mean they’re telling women what to with their bodies lol. Saying that is like saying, “you can’t say you like girls who are blonde, because that would mean I have to attend to your preferences and change my hair color so you like me”…the # to men and women is just another attribute of their suitable partners they can personally prefer. Telling men they shouldn’t have a # limit is even more demanding than their opinions of #’s. Albeit, being hypocritical and wanting a low # to a high #, obviously wrong, but if that’s not the case, having this preference is not an issue about men telling women what to do with their bodies.

  4. Lol you make such a big deal about sleeping with too many guys. It’s 2012, recently more and more girls are rather not giving a bag of effs about what people think and are seen enjoying their vaginas more with the opposite sex. It’s time to ride that train babe. You and other typical Persian girls on the other hand seem too only care about how people judge you. You repetitively state how your not a whore or slut ,but you still end up writing essay long dissertations about sleeping around. It’s probably because you are curious semi-deprived sexual individual… and there is nothing wrong with that. Here’s tip sweetie, don’t kiss and tell so much and you’ll be golden. You say you don’t like the double-standard? Then don’t spend all your days giving it credibility.

  5. Speaking as guy, I would say the ideal number is in the low to mid double digits. That’s for both teams.

  6. Your posts are amazing in that they are so easy to relate to, but what I don’t get is if you’re so open and confident about the fact that a woman in this day and age should have full control of her sexuality, then why do you hide your identity? If it’s not something to be ashamed of then why not be loud, and proud and show the world who you really are?
    I, for one, would love to put a face to these words.

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