The Green-Eyed Frenemy


I am so hungover from my Company holiday party that its painful to even use my brain, so I’m sorry if this post is a little… elementary. Can you believe it’s already December? and I have no vacation plans. Oh, adulthood has even sucked the joy out of the holidays.

Do you know what else sucks the fun out of the holidays?

Having to see all the people you usually try to avoid.

Its true– at the family parties, mehmoonis, etc– everyone is there, because there is no excuse for missing the occasion. People are home from college, people have off from work, there’s enormous amounts of food; essentially, its like being held hostage at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet.

So basically, holidays sometimes turn into an Annual Review. I hear about everyone’s life:  where they’re at, what’s going on, who they’re sleeping with, where they last vacationed, etc. It’s an exchange of information from the span of one year compacted into one conversation. And what happens is you’re forced to pause and evaluate yourself, especially in comparison to who you’re talking to.

That brings up a lot of feelings. And sometimes, its jealousy.

And you know, I feel bad. I think jealousy gets a bad rep. People think its the ugliest word, and being a “jealous person” is not taken to be a good thing. But its actually a pretty basic instinct, if you think about it.

Jealousy is a part of our nature, like sadness and anger. And if its natural, there has to be some good that comes from it?

Being brought up with Irooni families, you get compared a lot. OUT LOUD. Some Irooni parents have no filter.

I think jealousy is a curse for a lot Persians. They like to be flashy with what they have (money, looks, education, etc) and making people jealous, but what I think the other side of the coin (that most dont realize) is that:

To make jealous, you  have to be jealous.

Which is an uncomfortable way to live.

 “Oh, Arian is going to med school? Did you hear? Vow, why couldn’t you get a degree in something serious?”

“Leili is so pretty now that she’s lost weight, are you tinking of dieting now? You’re getting kind of topol (chubby)”

One Persian Mother actually categorized some of my friends and I, right in front of us! “You’re attractive, she’s pretty, she’s cute…”

And it goes on… My parents did their fair share of comparing. I was always too proud to be jealous. But now I look at some of my friends who admit they’re very jealous people, and they’re not doing too bad for themselves?

In fact, they do very well. They’re always well put together, they’re in shape, they have good jobs…

It’s like they’re constantly motivated by jealousy: to be the best of the best.

So, thats what made me rethink this whole “Jealousy green-eyed monster”. Because what if, by guarding against Jealousy, you’re actually stopping yourself from becoming better?

A good friend of mine told me she’s a jealous person, that’s why she doesn’t like Facebook. She didn’t want to see the constant upload of pictures, and status’ of people’s lives. I thought it was really cool that she admitted that,

because Facebook essentially is where Jealousy meets Addiction.

So there’s a fine line. There’s a healthy dose of jealousy to get you going, to keep your man, and to feel a sense of pride. And there’s the obsessive jealousy that makes you unhappy, feel insecure, and unfulfilled.

It’s a matter of differentiating between the two.

But other than that, feel free to let that Green-Eyed Monster run wild!




Hungover and tired,

SAAGHI  ساقی

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  1. sohrab esfandiar says:

    jealousy feels pretty shitty.

    i’m pretty sure most people would rather be calm and cool and in control of themselves, and choose to be however good/flashy/well educated/attractive, than to live on the jealousy treadmill.

    so yes, jealousy’s natural. but at some level it’s not good to just let your natural instincts run wild. they evolved for an era of scarce food, scarce people to bang, and super high costs of rejection (death sometimes even). life’s a lot better now.

    so be happy, live your life, and let those other motherfools be jealous.

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