Fifty Shades of JOON

Hey joon joons,


And despite the fact that I’m freezing balls here – I can’t wait for the freakin weekend so I can spend the weekend under 100+ blankets.  Granted, it’s the “Pro-Life Rally” tomorrow, which means I’ll have to avoid eye contact with everyone and ignore the horrifying pictures of dead fetuses – while I believe in the freedom of speech … I still believe in the freedom of choice. BUT it’s still going to be Friday so I’ll keep my complaints to a minimum.

ANYWAY – I decided to bring the conversation back to sex tonight because in my opinion…

If you’re having it, then you should talk about it.

Okay maybe that’s a bit extreme.


As the story always goes – I met a guy… we liked each other and we eventually, had sex. Done.

But this time was quite different than any other time – and let me try to explain… as with a lot of my sexual (and dating) experiences, I call the shots. I tell them when I’m going to go on top, when they’re on top, where to put their hands, and more.  

I’m quite the micro-manager in all aspects of my life.

Especially with my dating history, it’s always me directing – or letting them know what I like… or at least, that’s what it feels like. 

Sometimes the guy really needs to take control and tell me what to do – especially in the bedroom.

Because to be quite honest, while I talk like I know what I’m doing, I do get pretty damn nervous and half the time I’m worried about doing it wrong — though that doesn’t exist.  And with that fear comes the desire for someone to tell me what to do, to guide and direct me for once.

Frankly, it’s not even about being afraid – there’s something sexy about a guy who knows what he wants and isn’t scared to ask for it.  Chances are no matter how crazy things get in the bedroom – as long as I can say “stop” and they stop then I’m good.

Knowing what you want makes sex feel that much better.


And that’s exactly what this guy did. He took complete and total control of the situation, and had me do what he wanted – which felt equally (if not more) good for me. In fact, every time I said, “Let’s do this…” – his response was always, “No.”

And I loved it.

I liked being said “no” to for once. I liked that he had a certain image in his mind about what was going to feel good and he definitely knew how to deliver.  I left his house feeling good, no regrets and no thoughts in my mind like, “Man if only he did this instead…”

I woke up the next day with bruises on my hips and my scalp hurt from my hair being pulled so hard.

But they were MY war wounds and a constant reminder to the amazing night I had.

I loved every second of it and it felt damn great, but it was an experience. It was something I wanted and I got – and while I wouldn’t mind doing this continuously with him, there is a time and a place for everything.  I can’t imagine going back to some of my past boyfriends and asking them to treat me like this in the bedroom.

Not because I wouldn’t like it, but because I just can’t picture them doing it. And despite the fact that it sounds like I only like it rough, having softer and emotional sex can be great too (with the right person).


In this case, it wasn’t that I liked getting my hair pulled so much – it was the fact that he was dominant. He took control and he gave it to me the way he knew I would like it.

No questions asked.

And sometimes that’s what a girl needs. I get the pressure guys are under –

– Is she going to finish? 

– Does she like what I’m doing/am I doing this right?

– Is she faking it? 

But the more that they question themselves in the bedroom, the more I will question you too.

Because despite the rumors, “faking it” is NOT easy – not for guys who pretend who know what they are doing and not for girls who are just trying to get it over with.  The second a guy starts getting a little too excited… and goes a little too fast – I’m immediately aware that he’s just nervous.

I’m pretty anti-faking — if you can’t finish the job, you should be aware of it. It’s not like guys fake it with us (that might be physically impossible). 

Confidence leads to dominance. Fear leads to awkward sex.

I can be a confident woman – but if I date a man who isn’t equally confident, then I will end up running that relationship. And a relationship – whether it’s a strictly sexual relationship or an emotional one – is a partnership. I have to be able to give you what you want and you have to be able to give me what I want.

Of course, this is all based on MY experience. But for me, I want the man to call the shots (sometimes). Like I said, there’s a time and place for everything – and sometimes that time calls for the guy to tell me when to get on my knees or when to turn around without me having to direct him. 

Granted, with this particular guy, we didn’t have sex… we f#cked. And there’s a huge difference between the two. But even if you are emotionally connected with someone, you should be able to have sex with them and f#ck them.

I don’t expect to ever “have sex” with this guy – but for now, I can just enjoy being said “no” to.

So here’s to the FUCKING weekend.






What’s New


  1. usually the girls who boss a dude around the most are the ones that love being dominated in bed from time to time.

  2. Billy Django says:



  1. […] I like it when men take control (it’s true, see here) – but this requires a different comfort with vulnerability. You’re depending on them […]

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