Date Me, I’m A Virgin

Meet YASSI, our guest blogger of the day. As you joonies can tell from the title, she’s not one for polite introductions—she’s diving right in:

I’m a late bloomer.

I had my first kiss when I was 19 and very drunk.

At 22, I haven’t had sex (Oh no a VIRGIN!).

I’ve messed around, but no sex in the traditional “penis in my vagina” definition. I’m neither ashamed nor proud of my virginity. It’s just something that happened that way (or didn’t at this point). I was never in a relationship, never dated seriously in college, and just didn’t get into a situation where it almost happened.

Late bloomer.


It’s been a little over a year since I’ve left school, and I’ve started to dab in dating (A whole different conversation itself-for God’s sake where do you meet people?!?!) Which brings me to the purpose of this whole background.

At what point do you tell the person you are dating you are a virgin? Do you even tell them you are? Your sex life is your own business, you choose who you want to talk about it.

But being a virgin has made the possibility of causal sex a bit difficult. Based on my own experience and the type of person I am, I think that casual sex would be easier if I had already had sex before –a bit of a Catch 22 situation I’ve got here.

Call me naive, but I always wanted to wait for a “relationship” where I felt comfortable enough being open about my experience (or lack there of), and would be able to learn and experience my sexuality with a person that understood me, and gave me the chance to grow.

But the more I grow up and realize I probably won’t get that relationship very soon, the more I wonder how I should go about this whole sex question-because I want to have sex. In this day and age, sex ends up becoming a part of casual dating (not all the time, but work with me here), and often happens before a relationship is serious, or before a relationship even happens. But, I don’t know how I feel about having sex for the first time with a guy I had dinner with three times.


I came across this problem while on a very nice date with a guy I had spent a few days talking to. Things were getting a bit hot and heavy in his car; some clothing was coming off, when he suggested that we go back to my place. I froze. I had thought about sex with this guy, but was I actually going to go through with it? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do. What if I was horrible at it? What if it doesn’t feel good for him? Do I tell him that it’s my first time?

I know it’s actually counterproductive to think about this, but I can’t help it.

I was constantly thinking: is this what I want right now? Is this the person I want to sleep with? Is this where? Is this how? Basically, I killed the mood.


Our society makes sex to be far more than it actually should be. You yourself should be allowed to give sex the importance you want to give it, not society, not your friends, not your parents. Personally, I know myself enough to say that it will be hard for me to not get a bit attached to someone after sex.

I ended up backing out of inviting him in-my legs weren’t shaved. Which might be the most compelling reason not have sex with someone for the first time.

I’m not sure if I’ll end up being in a relationship with this guy, but I might just go for it with him. He didn’t push me towards anything I was uncomfortable with, and I’m attracted to him. But then again, I don’t know. I still don’t know if I want to tell him if I’m a virgin.

What would you do?




YASSI  یاسی

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  1. Billy Django says:

    Since you mention you’ve never been in a relationship – here’s my two cents. No matter what kind of a relationship you’re in it, it starts and ends with one word: “Honesty”.

    Of course, it’s sex, and not a space shuttle launch, but my first time was terrible. Precisely because I wasn’t honest about it with my partner and it SUCKED … only the sex part, everything else was great. So it’s okay to tell him you’re a virgin after a few times of making out and if you feel like you want to do it with him. That way, he’ll be extra careful, and you won’t end up losing it in the car without a condom and wake up with a RAGING back pain.


  2. Go get laid

  3. Yassi you are not alone. I am in the exact same situation. On saturday night I was close to giving it up for a one night stand but all these same thoughts came rushing through my mind. I feel like the longer I put this off and the more awkward it’s going to get and maybe if it’s a one night stand rather than a relationship it’s better and I cut my losses because I know that it will lead nowhere and I will get less attached and I won’t have to see this person who I will probably share this awkward experience with.

  4. Been there says:

    I have been in the exact same position as you with the difference that in my teenage years I believed in saving myself for marriage. As I grew up and developed my own morals and values I realized I no longer believe in that.
    My problem was that being in a long term relationship with a “white boy” had made everyone assume that I was getting alot of a** when in reality we never did it!( yes you can be with a white guy for years and not have “penis in the vagina” sex lol)

    I got to my mid 20s and it became a problem as it gets harder and harder to explain to your date why you don’t/can’t have sex with him after him doing everything right for a number of dates.(there is the fear that they will look at you differently or they will be running for the door as they won’t want to be your first) But I decided to wait until it “felt right” very cliche I know! but it makes all the difference..with the right person you can be honest and they WILL understand and wait until you are comfortable enough and you wont have those 500 questions running through your head :)

    Before you think great how long do I have to wait for the right person though..remember it doesn’t have to be “the one” or your future husband :) it just means someone you feel comfortable enough with to be completely honest.

    Also your first time WILL hurt, would NOT be very enjoyable and will be uncomfortable so chances are if you don’t tell the person. you will hurt even more, not enjoy it and regret it later as it wouldn’t feel like anything you imagined.

    Good luck xx

    • Queen Elizabeth says:

      Thank you Yassi for this great blog a lot of us can relate to, and thank you Been There for this response!! I am in the exact same position, and I’ve often came to the same conclusion. It’s very hard living in America, and explaining to people WHY and HOW I’m still a virgin at 23. But going through with something that does not feel right is not the answer either.

      THANK YOU Farrah and Saghi for Sex and Fessenjoon, and helping us virgins realize we’re not alone! Haha.. LOVE your insights about the dilemma us Persian girls face, whether we are having sex or not, and though none of us might have a solution yet we are half way there because a problem well stated is half solved :).

  5. uh seriously?! you’re not even 22. you’re 30!

  6. I’ve never dated a virgin, never intend to. That said, it’s best to always feel ‘genuinely intense’ if it’s the first time, so there are no regrets-ever, in my estimation, legs shaved or not ;-)

  7. I think you are thinking with the same mentality as your mom, but you are right. It should be your choice of when, where, how and with whom. Society should not pressure you in any ways. but work on making your own morality and mentality aside from your mom. I’m not saying she was wrong, but do it on your own. it’s then more convincing to you and your psyche. Having a guilty consciounce because of the beliefs that we are grown up with can damage your character in a deep way that overcoming those issues could be really hard.

  8. I can totally relate to this even though I’m in a different country (Egypt) but society and family as well as religion view towards sex simply suffocates me and makes me a bit hesitant .I do want to have sex and I believe that my body is mine and doesn’t belong to anyone and I’m free to do what I want, but when it comes to guys I always think that I am not gonna fit in with the whole ”casual sex” thing, there must be some kind of emotional attachment . It would be devastating to trust a guy and then get hurt for example. However, until when will I wait for my right to release all this sexual energy ??? not only is it frustrating, it gets to a point where its really depressing … I do need answers as well :/

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