What A Bad Boy


I can practically feel spring and Norouz – unfortunately, I live too far away from my parents to bask in their Norouz festivities (and pocket change), but I can enjoy my pet goldfish nonetheless.

On the East Coast – spring is amazing. You stop wearing what feels like 5000 layers, you can actually feel heat from the sun, the flowers are pretty. It’s a great time of year (for two weeks… then it’s f#cking hot). When it’s spring, you no longer experience anxiety about leaving the house because of the ridiculous cold. It’s the time where you can enjoy being active and you can fantasize about what the day holds.

Clearly, I dream about when this day will come often. But despite my fantasies about the cute sandals and pretty sundress I’ll wear, I take a completely different approach when it comes to sex.

I can dream about the most mundane things. But when it comes to sex, I can’t imagine anything other than the reality.

And the reality is, I’ll probably wear a total of one dress this summer and after two weeks, I’ll start bitching about the humidity.


For some reasons, one of the top 10 questions guys ask when they get all personal (and if they’re ballsy) is: what’s your fantasy? 

I always have a difficult time answering this question – to me, guys seem to always have an answer for this.

“Tie her up…” 

In my parent’s bed…” 

There are so many fantasies that I just don’t find … exciting. To me, sometimes the realness and the act of it is a “great fantasy.”

But guys just hear: “She’s boring in bed.” (obviously). 

Let’s review:

Tie Me Up 

I’ll be honest – I’ve tried this… once. And when you are tied up and/or blindfolded, you’re relinquishing complete control. You’re the submissive. You can’t put your hands up, you have to follow their voice for direction on where to go. They’re running the show 100%.

And I like it when men take control (it’s true, see here) – but this requires a different comfort with vulnerability. You’re depending on them for everything – when you’re “free” you know when they’re going to throw you down, but when you’re tied up and blindfolded – you have no idea when something is going to happen.

For a first-timer, that was just a bit much. Complete submission compares to “succumbing to the pleasure,” but start slow. Pick blindfolds OR handcuffs – training wheels before you step up to the big league  (noted for myself). 

Trust issues + handcuffs = one paranoid b*tch.


Role Play 

No one likes silence – and if you think you do, you should really try to verbalize a bit, it’s worth it. But there’s something about “have you been a bad boy today” that sounds super awkward.

I don’t want to think of the guy I’m sleeping with as a “bad boy.” I want him to be what turns me on, not some fake character. And maybe I don’t know how to enjoy the fun of putting together a random, “passionate” scenario, but all I want to hear in bed is: “x feels good” and “I like…”

If you want to “punish” in bed, then do it like an adult – no baby talk necessary.

Don’t even get me started on doctor scenarios – it’s the DOCTOR’S OFFICE – you’re either going there for a very intrusive exam or bad news. How is that sexy?

Sometimes the fantasy is as simple as verbal approval… and lingerie.

– Threesomes

Don’t even lie. This is a big one – at some point, we’ve all thought about it (right?). Sex with more than one person at once – guys definitely do and it’s crazy to even imply that the thought hasn’t ever crossed our minds. We see it everywhere: pop culture/movies, and listen, we’ve all done some crazy sh*t. 

I guess this is the category where my possessive claws come out. I don’t care if I have no emotional connection with the person I’m sleeping with – but I would never want to actually see him f#cking another girl in front of me.

(How many guys do you know who would do 2 guys + 1 girl?) 


We require unwavering attention – and fighting for it when we’re trying to gain maximum pleasure isn’t going to do the trick.

I’m just saying. I want the focus to be us… not us + her. Plus I always imagine guys to have a dumbstruck expression the entire time and who wants deer in headlights?

Fantasies are a way to let loose and completely lose yourself in the moment. It should be a form of expression where you can let your imagination run and you can be comfortable to try new things. And there are so many to choose from – different locations, (clearly I’m not good at thinking of them) – but why do I feel like I need to pick the most drastic fantasy just to be considered “fun in bed?”

As if fantasies of threesomes and dressing up like a nurse is more than exciting than what I have in mind? And if there is this whole world of sexual fantasies that I’m somehow shielded from as a result of my aversion – then please tell me.

What’s your fantasy? What am I missing here?






What’s New


  1. thisisbossi says:

    Fantasy, for me, isn’t anything specific; it’s in variety. Sometimes it’s slow and sensual; other times it’s 3am, you just got back home, and you barely made it in the door before tearing each others’ clothes off.

    It’s important is not to overdo any one thing: one isn’t submissive and the other dominant; both should change from one moment to the next. A man shouldn’t pound like a jackhammer, but nor should it be at the pace of a love scene on the Lifetime channel. Restraint isn’t bad, but best only momentarily at the pinning of arms; the entwining of legs. Good sex doesn’t involve fighting a gag reflex or crying in pain, but it does end with scratch marks down each others’ backs.

    You don’t need any one fantasy when in one single experience you get to dabble in all fantasies at once.

  2. Justasking says:

    Have you ever tried or tought of anal? How do you, as a girl, feel about that? Do you deem it as a gay desire if your partner brings it up?

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