Joons – this has been an exciting week. First, we introduced the wonderful Yasmine with her first post (click here). Tonight, we have another joon to introduce you to – Souraya. Check out her first post below and welcome her to the S&F fam.
You are an Iranian-American girl, and meeting someone who shares the same culture sounds really appealing at first until you realize you’ve entered a drama web full of lost in translation exchanges. Those Farsi terms of endearment this FOB (Fresh off the Boat) guy is using go right over your head too.
Man jigharet o mikhoram.
What? You want to eat my liver? That sounds gross.
FOBs are another breed of man. They have a mix of traditional views on dating, while also claiming that they have “assimilated,” when they really exclusively date and hang out with other Iranians. I must say that I am describing the most stereotypical FOB guys, who want to put behind their baggage of dating in Iran, but can’t get over the cultural expectations that an Iranian girl should be pure, prude, passive, and a pushover that they can control.
At first FOB guys woe you in with how much they know about Iranian culture and how sensitive and in touch with their emotions they can be, but I quickly realized that this was a mask for their manipulation, drama, and possessiveness.
They have this idea that when they meet a girl they are supposed to know they love them right away.
You know like back in the day when they drove around the streets of Tehran, spotted an Iranian beauty, and it was love at first sight.
Some would call this romantic, but I call it delusional.
At their Iranian mehmoonis, they will flirt with every girl in sight even if you thought that they were going for you. It’s all about the chase for them and playing “the game” because if they get you too easily, then they’ll drop you.
An Iranian girl who appears unavailable and plays into the game is actually what they really want. Once the game is over, then they will become super needy and text you all the time to hang out.
The most important factor is to not sleep with FOBS too quickly. Sex is a big deal to them and it opens up the Iranian girl factor.
Having casual sex is not culturally acceptable, but haram or sinful. Even if they are not particularly religious, this is ingrained in the FOB psyche.
If you sleep with a FOB after a short period of dating, they will think you are easy and not marriage material. Because get this: they don’t believe in casual relationships, and yet, they will try everything to get with you and contradict the fact that they don’t casually date. It’s either you will pour them chaye one day as a good wife, or you are a slut not even worth a “citizenship marriage.” There are no in betweens here.
For FOB guys, tarof is also an important element of dating – that annoyingly polite tip-toeing around what you really want to do. You really don’t want to hang out with his FOB posse, but you feel like you have to since he met your friends last week.
He buys you dinner, drinks, or coffee and there is an expectation for you to reciprocate. It is very rude if he invites you over, and you don’t return the favor. In general, most people reciprocate within dating, but the tallying of who did what and overall manipulation within the politics of tarof create unnecessary tension.
So as an Iranian-American girl, be very wary of exposing yourself to FOB men. The pluses like speaking in Farsi, cooking Iranian food, talking about family are all great at first, but I soon realized the hard way that the cultural differences were an emotional roller coaster not worth the ride with sosoul FOB men.
Joons – do you share my disbelief with FOBS? Am I the only one who feels this way?
TWEET AT SOURAYA: @SOURAYA_JOON