A few months ago I went on two rather awkward dates with a perfectly nice, but rather strange dude. When he texted me to hang out for a third time, I found myself making up an excuse: “My friends are in town for the weekend -sorry!”
When he texted again a week later, I said I was “going home to visit family.”
And then a third time, I had an “emergency” to deal with. Finally by the fourth time, I gave up and didn’t even answer back. You might ask…
Why as an adult who is more than capable of using my words, I decided to completely avoid the situation and instead opted to create excuses? Because I like avoiding awkward encounters.
I don’t think anyone particularly enjoys awkward encounters, but some are definitely better at handling them than I am.
“Oh…I didn’t see your text”
“Friends surprised me from out of town”
“Have to work over the weekend”
You know you’ve all used a variation of these from time to time.
I do it too. And these avoidances, or white lies, to get out of hanging out with friends, not going on a second date, or getting out of obligations just keep piling up.
It’s not even that these excuses help me circumvent awkward situations – I’m basically putting off the awkward encounter until later. It might even make it a far bigger issue than it was initially.
I have a hard time being upfront about things. I much rather avoid telling individual X that I don’t want to see them anymore, continue to chew my friend’s ears off about how I don’t want to see individual X anymore, than to actually be a grown up, suck it up, be honest with my feelings, and tell the truth.
I’m willing to admit that this has not been serving me well.
Too often avoiding the situation only makes it far worse, creating confusion and miscommunication.
Yes, it is not easy to be straightforward, but since when did we avoid awkward situations successfully?
Who have you avoided dealing with lately?