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Newton’s Third Law of Motion

Hola,

After reading Holly’s last post “Do I have it all?  I was really inspired to self-reflect on my own view of marriage, relationships, and career aspirations. Exactly one year ago, I would have read that post–with my very favorite Lady Gaga quote — and I would’ve been raising my hand, sayin’ “Preach girl!. Dreams over D’s anyday.  Now, I’m not so sure I’m a believer.

After watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory, I think I’ve found a scientific way to express myself (Note: I almost failed Physics in high schoo) Remember Newton’s Laws of Motion?  I only remember one.

“For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction”

And while this is true with everything that feels the pull of gravity, it is actually completely false in the world of relationships.  Part of that is obvious– if you love your man, chances are he doesn’t hate you back.

But the point is, you can love someone, and they may not love you back equally. They may not love you at all.

See how that violates physics? It is counter-intuitive, and completely out of our control. It is as if you pushed a door in, but the door pushed back with double the force– or with none at all (in both cases, you would be injured). I wish my boyfriend would like me as much as I like him, but chances are the perfect state of equilibrium… does not exist. And that is scary, and it makes both people vulnerable. 

I think women fear the inequality that’s inevitable with emotional reciprocity.

Its a mouthful, and it may not even make sense but let me break it down:

I don’t think women fear waking up to a man that doesn’t love them anymore. They fear waking up to a partner that does not feel the same way. And the knowledge that they can’t do anything about it.

A pink slip at work will never feel like the moment someone says, “I’m not in love with you”, and since that is true, a professional goal can never heal a personal injury. 

It is about the fear of rejection, and our worth being rooted in our “lovability”.

If I love him, and he doesn’t love me…then am I not worth loving?

Your career will never hurt your feelings, but there is 100% chance your partner will at some point.

Relationships are a sure-fire way of getting hurt. They’re inherently chaotic, they follow no code of conduct or law of physics. There is no HR manager, and no Board of Ethics to report to. It is not safe. And some of us don’t want to gamble, and risk the most intimate part of ourselves out for a nice whipping.

My career will never deem me unlovable, but that cannot be the reason I invest myself in it. Because then its just a cop out, a cowardly shield I wear until the loneliness sets in.

So perhaps, the most ambitious goal for any woman, including myself, is to accept the chaos and inherent inequality, and know that no matter how big a career gets– there will always be a 5 year old child inside that wants to make sure she’s loved.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON

‘scuse the sappy,

SAAGHI  ساقی
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Comments

  1. Ariana says:

    Thank you for writing this! Most girls don’t come to realize this until its too late!

  2. I feel like we should be best friends haha

  3. Great post and love this blog- it’s thoughtful and dead-on; keep up the awesome work! Here’s the thing that sucks about making yourself vulnerable: you get hurt and realize the other person doesn’t care or feel the same. Then what? It’s so tough not to blame yourself or believe it doesn’t speak to you, but more than them.

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