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I Am Dashing Like Storm

Our guest blogger tonight is, Ayesha – a Pakistani woman – who not only has a lot of opinions, but she’s not afraid to share them. Get ready for a (necessary) reality check. Enjoy!

Hey joons,

As of recently, my mother has gone on a “shadi brigade” [wedding bandwagon]. She is worried that her eldest daughter is beyond her age of getting married.

Basically I am dinosaur old in Pakistani years, but biologically I am just 25.

My mother thinks that after “letting” me having my own way in life [me running away from home and doing my own thing wasn’t my own choice apparently, in her opinion], she wants to impose the regular brown life on me. According to her, its about time I followed the natural course of action aka get hitched to some brown dude and reproduce his spawn. [ew ew ew]

wedding

Though I have tried endlessly to explain to her that I am not really a typical kid and the whole idea is nothing but disastrous. It just seems all of my reasoning falls on deaf ears.

Here is why I am an unfit bride:

1. I do not want kids:

My youngest sister was 5yrs old when I was 19. I have been a second mom to my siblings and there is no way I am doing this all over again. I am done with parenting and baby drama and I honestly, don’t want to be a human incubator.

2. I cant be a housewife:

I live on my own, I work, I volunteer in the community, I do my own shit.

Pak/brown dudes are like man-childs because their mamas would act as housemaids for their grown ass – even when they turn 60. Women are considered to be born for “certain” roles, so if you don’t follow that “role” you are doomed.

no

There is no way in hell I am going to be doing it especially if the same is not going to be done for me. Just because there are more than 60 million women staying home, who choose to raise man-childs, its not my obligation to follow their footsteps.

If you can lean then you can clean! Its as simple as that!

3. I can’t do in-laws:

People say Italian and Irish families are huge, wait till you see our families – people know every single member of their family, even up to the 8th cousin. Our families are that huge! People in that part of the world don’t marry a person, they marry the whole family. I always have a hard time dealing with mine, there is no way I am going to deal with extra.

4. I don’t do family politics and diplomacy:

To survive in such spaces, you always need to run these scheming cycles shown in Bollywood dramatic movies. From what I know of myself, I am the least diplomatic and most blunt person, so I am already doomed there.

bol

As per my mother, my way of living life only leads to loneliness and lack of community. I don’t regret any of my decisions and honestly I am not lonely.

Today I am a forensic chemist. I was one of the first Muslims in my batch to do it. I am the first independent woman within my family – and I have been since I was 19.

I learnt community activism, I learnt how to organise protests, write angry letters, help out in soup kitchens and so much more. I was able to do it because I chose to do things my own way. I am nothing but proud of myself. I am sure my life won’t be “traditional” but it will have its own adventures. I will be old and gray one day… but I am sure I will be dashing like Storm [X-Men].

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET AT AYESHA: @AshSultana

STORMY,

AYESHA عایشه
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Comments

  1. Love this! Rock on, Ayesha!!

  2. Just tell your mom if you ever want to avoid “loneliness” by getting married, you will get married to a cute white guy who respects your values and is actually grown up with them.
    If she is really worried about your good, she should be supportive of that. If she is not, she will either stop bugging you about getting married, or will try to force you into a (pre-arranged?) marriage,to “save” you, before you find a chance to “ruin your moral life” by getting married to an infidel! ;-)

  3. Didn’t like the article but props to you for swimming against the current

  4. Good for you!
    Do YOUR life your OWN way. Make yourself happy.

  5. Fatima Shareef says:

    People seem to forget kids are optional. Not everyone wants to ruin their bodies and sign away 20 years of life.
    Not everyone wants to subject themselves to the pain, horror & embarrasment of incontinence, a fistula, mastitis, episiotomy cutting, scar tissue and who knows what else.
    It’s also incredibly expensive to have kids.
    Bearing offspring is a choice not an obligation.
    The world is way, way, way too overpopulated as it is. Resources are running out.
    Not adding to the problem is the responsible thing to do.

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