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Will You Be My Mommy?

Joons,

You’re all stuck with me again for the night. Sorry I have lots to say – or I just really like to talk about myself… whatever the case – lez get it estarted.

I always hear girls talk about their daddy issues – absentee father, strict father, etc. And I never had that. My dad can be tough, but he’s awesome. 

Then again, my dad has also played the role of the father and the mother for most of my existence. My  issues stem from a series of let downs and lies – and it all comes down to my mother.

I’ve talked about it on this blog many times before – my mother’s addictions, her inability to admit that she needs to change. And as a result, I have spent most of my life believing that people cannot change. I just don’t believe that people can ever alter their core – who they are, what makes them tick, and what causes them to relapse to bad behavior.

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If change comes from within, then how you can expect someone who is so set in their ways to ever achieve it?

Over the last few months, my mom has started attending Alcoholics Anonymous and it’s great. It’s something I’ve asked her to do for years and it (only… HA) took for her license to be taken away for a year for her to finally be motivated enough to give it a shot.

Tonight, I attended a meeting with her.

I sat in a room filled with people who had been sober anywhere from 25 days to 27 years. And I listened to them talk about their beliefs in a higher power and how that belief was able to grant them the change that they had drunkenly wished for in the past. And my instant reaction was, um a higher power? Are you serious? 

You see – I always believed that addiction was bullshit. You should be able to control yourself, you should be able to say no, and you should be able to resist temptations. That’s part of life, right? Temptations are everywhere, but why does that mean you should be powerless to them?

And for such a long time, I was angry and annoyed at my mother – why can’t she just be an adult and get over this? Why is she acting like a child?

At Alcoholics Anonymous they preach,

How can you be the solution when you have a sick brain? Simplify your life – live one day at a time.

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It sounded so simple – I looked around the room at this group of people who clearly proved every notion I had was wrong. They were proof that people can change. And then I thought about what their leaders were preaching – taking it one day at a time… and how much that applied to everyone’s life – addicts or not. 

Who knows what’s going to happen ten years down the road? I sure as hell don’t and frankly, I don’t like living my life completely planned out for the next five years. I don’t like knowing what’s going to come next year or even next month. I like living my life one day at a time… taking challenges as they come, so why wouldn’t it make sense for people who have issues with temptation to do the same?

If addiction really is a disease, then what’s the best way to overcome it? By waking up every morning and reminding yourself of who you are and what you want to achieve for that day.

I may not trust that my mom is “better,” but what right do I have to reject her before she’s even had a chance?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح
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