So What We Go Out

Joon bugs,

On May 14 2013, Minnesota governor Mark Dayton signed into effect the Marriage Equality Bill, which gives same-sex couples the right to marry starting August 1, 2013. Minnesota became the 12th state in the country to sign into effect such a law. There had been a lot of passionate tension, vehement disagreements, and touching tales leading up to this moment, and it was a joyous and historic day in our state’s capitol.

I realize there are probably dissenters among the S&F audience who perhaps do not share the same happy sentiments I have, and that’s totally okay. The actual point of my post this month is less about same sex marriage and more about marriage in general, but the occasion made for a good segue.


Some time ago in my younger 20s, I totally wanted to get married, meaning I foresaw myself getting hitched maybe in my later 20s to Mr. Right, getting some rad pad in a cool city, and hunkering down to spend the rest of our lives together making beautiful racially ambiguous children, working really cool, well paying jobs to support our hip family.

As I’ve gotten older, my thoughts on marriage have changed.

Somewhere between 24 and 24.6, the thought of marriage started to make me feel unsettled and I was less gung-ho about the idea than I was when I was a slightly more starry eyed 21YO.

I’m not entirely opposed – maybe I’m just feeling jaded and more guarded with my wantonly romantic daydreams.


And in my journey through life, I have met some folks who spent years together and are committed for life without having gone through the marital process.

Amongst my friends, we all feel differently about marriage, but the current consensus is that we’re not ready. We have so much on our agendas to do and see.

We feel too wild still for marriage.

We’re too flakey still to consider lifelong companionship. But we also don’t want one-night stands and meaningless sex anymore. This middle stage is ambiguous, but comfortable at this station in life. Nobody’s dying to get married tomorrow, but I still think it’s a common thought stewing in the backs of brains for folks my age.

Many of us are in relationships we want for a as-long-as-possible term, but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s looking quite yet for their one true love.


I don’t know what lies ahead for me in the realms of romance, marriage and committing to one pair of genitals for the rest of my life, but I do know one thing:

That I am lucky to have a family who doesn’t pressure me to marry now for fear of me becoming torshideh.

In fact, my family would rather I focus on getting stability in my post-college life and figuring out myself more fully and achieving my goals than finding a doktor and having kids.

Are you in a different situation? Or is it similar to mine? I’d love to know.




Sofreh aggravated,


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