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My Parents Are Dating Others & All I Got was a Lousy T-Shirt

Hello everyone.

I have been AWOL for sometime now, and it is because both my parents are in town at the moment. I love them both dearly, but at times it is tricky when they are both so close by. Anyway, this post is inspired by them.

When I was five years old, my parents – who are both Iranian – decided to divorce.

They weren’t exactly revolutionary, but divorce still wasn’t common in Persian culture. I was young and barely remember living in a nuclear family, so it was easy on me, while divorcing allowed them to work on remaining “friends” so that their only child didn’t grow up with estranged parents.

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I have friends whose divorced parents are on poor terms. It is an unnecessary pain. I’m not saying my parents are Ross and Rachel, but at least they don’t need to talk through me.

Growing up with divorced parents has many interesting facets, not least of all is their romantic lives.

Contrary to popular belief as a child, my mother wasn’t put on Earth to feed and wait on me 24/7. Turns out she has feelings.

So, as a result of these feelings, my mother started dating. My maman hasn’t had many boyfriends, but I remember a few in between my ages of 9-16 years old. I hated all of them.There was a mix of Sefeed and Persian, but it didn’t matter. I despised them all. It didn’t matter what they did, I was repulsed by them.

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To be honest, she could have been dating Mahatma Gandhi and I still would have found a reason why he was an asshole.

I lived alone with my maman growing up and was sensitive over her. Like how a mother thinks no one is good enough for her son, I was having the inverted emotions. She actually dated some decent men. Except for that one jerk.

It isn’t evident when you’re younger, but you later realize and appreciate honesty from your parents.

I learned this from my father as much as I did from my mother – but for different reasons.

My dad used to hide everything about his romantic life from me. Breaking Watergate was easier than finding out about my dad’s relationships. Then it happened one day. My dad mistimed his girlfriend’s departure and his son’s arrival.

“Hi Nima, this is my ferend Mitra”. I stood there looking at this middle aged Persian woman with large breasts and a leopard print top. Didn’t realize my dad’s friend’s have toothbrushes at his place.

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Sitting there looking at Mitra’s newly reconstructed chin may not have been the best time to introduce her, but he didn’t tell me about this relationship for another five years. Five years. And that was only when my friend Baback didn’t have time to play soccer, so I decided to kill my boredom by telling my dad that I know he’s in a serious relationship. It was a fun afternoon.

Balancing Persian and North American culture is tricky for us first-generations, but the difficulties are really accentuated with our parents.

Striking a balance between entering the dating field as a single parent, while trying to keep their only child as happy as possible, must have proved daunting and seemed impossible at times.

The honesty did helped.

By the time I was 17 I was happy and comfortable about my mother and her relationships. My dad’s constant averting of telling me, however, led to apathy.

By the time he was open about to talk about his relationship, I was close to 20 years old now, I felt complete indifference. I even realized at the time that he was sincerely doing what he thought was in my best interest, but his secrecy, to be blunt, was damaging to our own relationship back then.

Better to keep your dating life a secret or should you just be honest? Tell me what you would do.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET US: @SEX_FESSENJOON

Peace,

NIMA نیما
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Comments

  1. Taraneh says:

    this was cool to read –
    My parents aren’t divorced but I can imagine it would make more sense in our culture (Persian) for your mother to keep it secret and your dad to be open.
    In any case I think the ultimate indifference you experienced has an element of universality – I think it just highlights a distance between you and your parent – I bet you probably feel more open to talk to your mom about things in general? Like maybe it extends beyond their romantic relationships- like if you found out your dad had secretly smoked for years or something similar where it’s clear why they hid it, would you still experience a similar level of indifference to them/their activities?

  2. escortdiary says:

    Have you read anything by professor Hamid Dabashi before? You should, if you haven’t already.

  3. Thank you two your responses.

    Taraneh: I found your comment very interesting. You are absolutely correct in assuming that I am more comfortable talking to my mom than my dad. I then tried to imagine the level of indifference I’d feel if they were keeping something else secret. That’s a very good point you bring up. I think the part that bothered me the most is that it had gotten to a point that it wasn’t hiding, it was simply avoiding. A chimpanzee would have understood my dad was in a relationship, but he still played dumb with me. As a 15 year old I thought it was immature. Then again, I was a bratty know-it-all.

    escortdiary: Thanks for the recommendation. I have not read anything from him, no, but I always enjoy looking for someone new. Especially someone Iranian. I will look into him. Thanks again!

    • Taraneh says:

      Hey Nima,
      Thanks for responding :) I didn’t see this until now.
      Hmm yeah I can see the avoidance being insulting to your intelligence —
      I hope you keep blogging for sex and fessenjoon — I really like your style of writing.

      Sincerely,
      Taraneh

      • Hi Taraneh joon,

        Thank you for your kind words. It’s nice to hear that, as this site is filled with great posts. I’ll catch you around on the comments section :)

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