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A Tale of Sexting and Marriage

Good morning (at least by my time)

I’m going to keep the thread sex-related, but with a different angle.

Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin.

If you have no idea who these people are, here’s a brief synopsis:

Weiner was a popular NY congressman, married to Hilary Clinton-aide Huma Abedin (Interfaith marriage what up). Weiner gets caught in sexting scandals, penis pictures follow. He resigns. Huma sticks around.

Now, professing changed ways, Weiner’s running for mayor. More sexting scandals. More penis pictures. Huma’s sticking by her man.

According to the Wall Street Journal,

Watching the elegant Huma Abedin stand next to her man Tuesday as he explained his latest sexually charged online exchanges was painful for a normal human being to watch.

It pains me that the spotlight turns to the wrong person, in all of this. Anthony Weiner is responsible for his actions. and Huma Abedin is entitled to her own decisions. The media’s desire to push Weiner out of the race, and Huma out of a marriage– bewilder me.

Why is the woman cast as a helpless victim here? What bothers us so much about a wife who decides to stick around? (ex: Hilary Clinton)

When a man is unfaithful, he’s ruined the commitment and trust that is between his significant other and him. In my opinion, its a serious offense, but for women, unfortunately it comes tainted with some other types of inner battles. “Did I do something wrong?” “Could I be better in bed?” “Have I let myself ago?”

Cheating is a secret weapon in a relationship, usually at the hands of the man, and all of us women become victims of its paranoia and jealousy. But for what?

Tying a woman’s value to her man’s faithfulness is a mistake. For too long now, the delicate concept of commitment has also been symbolic of a power relationship:

When he cheats, he’s humiliated and degraded his wife. And she’s pitied.

Poor Elizabeth Edwards, Silda Spitzer, Hilary Clinton. Poor Huma Abedin.

A

Give me a fucking break.  That sh!t is so 20th century.

‘Wife’ should be a secondary label, to ‘woman’– a female who has other roles outside of being in a marriage with a man.

And if a man decides to ruin the sanctity of his marriage, then his mistake only reflects on the poorness of his values. If Bill Clinton gets a blow job by an intern, well he should think twice about his ability to control what’s in his pants.

Hilary can move on with her life and become Secretary of State.

And what about if the roles were reversed?

What if Huma was sexting and sending naked pictures of herself to young guys?  Would she still have a job?

If she chooses to stand by her husband or to leave him, that is none of anyone’s business. She doesn’t need anyone’s pity, or anyone’s help making a decision for her marriage.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON

xx,

SAAGHI  ساقی
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Comments

  1. I agree with the overall premise (re: a woman is more than her choice to stand by her man and her decision to do so isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness), but I think you’re taking some privileges with your assumptions here.

    Namely, I haven’t ever seen any evidence that men are more likely to cheat than women. In fact, there are studies that suggest the opposite.

    See, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats–theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

    I’m sure there are other studies that cut against this one, after all my study is just a poll from the UK, so I’m not trying to get into a battle of the studies – I’m just saying that we don’t know with any degree of certainty which sex cheats more often.

    Also, AW does not currently have a job (at least not one in politics) and hopefully my good city will keep it that way.

    More interestingly, I can’t shake the feeling that HA’s decision to stick with AW is tied to her own political aspirations. It seemed to work out for Hillary, although not everyone can be Hillary Clinton. Given the common reaction of victimization of the wives of cheaters, I’m curious why pollsters might think this is a political positive. For me, the most interesting hypothetical is what happens if HA cheats on AW. Is he lauded for breaking the marriage – does he get political points for sticking by her side?

    Anyways, thanks for the post. I enjoyed it. If nothing else, NY’s mayoral race will be interesting.

    • Hi!

      Thanks for reading :) So when you mentioned that there were some assumptions in the post, I was so confused! I read through and realized this sentence probably lended itself to that: “Cheating is a secret weapon in a relationship, usually at the hands of the man…”

      So I’m sorry! I actually don’t think that men are more likely to cheat and/or are serial cheaters.

      I was thinking more along the lines of when cheating happens, women often (wrongfully) take it very personally. And our culture reinforces that.

      Thanks for your comments! I always enjoy,

      Saaghi

      • No problem, Saaghi. You guys know that I love your blog. So much respect for talking about the issues that affect our community and other communities of color.

  2. @mahsaiam says:

    Studies show that over 50 % of women cheat. Women who value commitment should make sure their men know this. Check out The 7 keys o a successful marriage for statisical details.

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