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3 Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates

Dating is awkward. Apart from the high level of anxiety and expectation, you are trying to get to know someone while stuffing your face full of food (attractive). In most cases, you are going on a date with someone you don’t know too well, sitting around and asking great inquisitive questions like: “What do you like to do for fun?” and “What’s your favorite movie?

Even in my own short dating experience, I seem to have collected a good few bad experiences. Here are some colorful experiences:

No blurred lines:

On one of my first ever experiences of dating I went out for drinks with a classmate. He was in his late 20s, a bit older than your typical college student, but I liked that- maturity, stability, and a more interesting life than 20-year olds. Conversation seemed to be going normally until he started talking about his ex-girlfriends. He mentioned that he had dated older women before, particularly a woman in her late 40s/early 50s who wanted to have sex all the time.

Quote of the night:

“And I just didn’t want to have sex all of the time, she was very… horny.”

I may have managed an awkward “ahhh” and a nod.

nod

Y so angry?

You know those moments when you feel like you are in a movie? Where you talk to a handsome stranger on public transit and they finally ask: “How many stops until I get you name and number and when I can see you next?”

These moments are lies. I went on a date with this person, and all the charm and ease he had seemed to vanish as we ate our way through a bland date. I decided it may have been awkward first date jitters and went on a second date. We were discussing my job, when out of NO WHERE, he goes: “Do you consider yourself a feminist?” then, “Do you consider yourself a feminist spelled with a Y?”

What? Was that your smooth way of figuring out if I was just the right amount of feminist for you to handle?

strong

I’m going to run away!

After a few days of texting back and forth with a guy I had met online (bleh) I decided to meet him for dinner. I was actually excited. It seemed that I could have easy, interesting conversation with this him, even though we hadn’t met. But things started to get weird the day of our date.

First, out of the blue, he asked how tall I was (note-only people who are shorter would ask this). Then he called an hour before dinner and said he would be 20 minutes late.

He showed up 40 minutes late, and was 5’3.

ugh

I overlooked all of that, since we seemed to have clicked. But as soon as we sat down all of the easy conversation evaporated. He couldn’t look me in the eye, he had 2 gold rings he played with nervously, and asked a total of 5 questions. I really tried to fill the silence with observations about the food. It didn’t help that our waiter was potentially the hottest man alive (who I attempted to communicate with through eye contact for an escape route-fail).

Finally, the night was over and he offered to walk me to my train. We hugged goodbye, and he leaned in aggressively for a kiss. I may have just pulled my head back and said no, but the next thing I knew he had turned around and RAN AWAY.

I didn’t even see him… he was a disappearing hobbit.

Happy dating joons. Hope you find better dates than I seem to manage.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

TWEET US: @SEX_FESSENJOON

FACEBOOK US

Love,

YASSI  یاسی
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