We Should’ve Met Five Years Later…

Recently my girlfriend and I did the ‘Grouse Grind’. It isn’t what you think; it’s actually a steep upward hike up a mountain.  Afterwards we went for chicken burgers and laughed as she busted my balls for finishing fifteen minutes behind her. After that we went back to my place, had sex in the shower, then lied on my couch and watched TV.

Then, we broke up.

diff

We both knew it was coming, we both knew it was inevitable, so we decided to stop kidding ourselves. The difference between this breakup and others I’ve been through?

I love her and know that we can’t be together right now. She loves me and knows she can’t be with me right now.

I’ve never experienced this before; therefore I don’t really know what I’m experiencing. I figured sharing it over the internet can’t be a bad idea.

I’ve never gotten along so well with a girl. I’ve never met such a matching personality. I’ve never had more fun with another girl. I’ve never met someone with such similar humour to my own – which is the biggest turn on for me, by the way. But timing dictated that this relationship couldn’t work out.  

love

She’s 2 years older than me, which ultimately doesn’t mean shit, but rather we’re at important stages in our lives.

I need to figure out who I am as a person, my own identity, and I can’t do that while committing myself fully to someone else.

She’s in the same boat. She is only in her mid-20s, and needs to understand who she is before she can commit herself to someone else.

It would have been easy for us to stay together. We would have still been happy and in love, but it would have been fleeting, which always leads to apathy. This is someone that I can see myself spending the future with, which is why I can’t be with her now.

I am young and making important decisions that will shape my life, and I can’t make these while factoring in another person’s needs and wants.

The most unfair thing a person could do is resent another for decisions that they made – of course when one is young, not married or a parent.

I never believed before that I would be able to stay friends with someone I’ve broken up with, but she is someone whom I truly care deeply about. We both want to be in each other’s lives long-term, not necessarily romantically, therefore it just wasn’t the right time to be in a relationship.

life

We need some time apart before right now, but maybe we will become best friends at some point. Maybe we will end up together down the road. Maybe we will live on opposite ends of the world and lose touch.

The beautiful thing is that no one knows really.

You can fantasize about eloping in City Hall ten years from now and running away. You can fantasize about seeing the world together. Then again you can fall in love with someone else and never hear from this person again. Breaking up now leaves an open future. This is someone I love and want to have an open future with.

I respect that some readers may think this is all a lame excuse. Some may think that I’m a big wiener. Some may completely disagree, some may completely agree. As with all matters, people will have different opinions and I can always accept that.

Do you think I made the right decision?

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Peace,

NIMA نیما
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Comments

  1. Naseem Joon says:

    Nima,

    I think if the instinct speaks, we have to listen. I think you made the right decision, and a tough one at that. A deep sense of introspection is required to make that step, and I don’t think you’re a big wiener for doing so.

    Naseem

  2. Nima,

    You made the right decision but it is going to feel like the wrong one for a very long time, I bet she feels the same way.

    ps. there are times when the best of us are weiners

    yours truly,
    consistent weiner

  3. Naseem Joon: Merci for your response. I think you are spot-on with us having to listen to our instincts, perhaps more so when the answer we get isn’t what we’re hoping for.

    G: As you said; just because it is the right decision, it doesn’t make it any easier. However, the harder it is to be a part from someone only shows how much they meant to you. And that itself can be a great feeling.

  4. Sarah Joon says:

    Nima,
    I’m going through the EXACT same thing you are with a Persian guy (I am second-generation Persian myself). I’ve been crying a bit and texting with him…which just makes it hurt more. Believe it or not, I think our age difference is the same as yours, too! You did the harder thing, but you also did, in my eyes, the right thing. You don’t want to limit yourself. You’re still young and finding things out about yourself. This relationship was one step closer to finding the real you. I just see so many people getting married while in their early 20’s and I’ve seen most of them fail…the great thing about an open future is that there is still the possibility of the two of you ending up back together once you have both established your careers and have found out who you both are…I keep coming back to this blog post in hopes of it motivating me to gently do the same thing…best of luck to you, azizam :)

  5. You did the right thing. Especially since both of you were so on the same page, if one of you had tried to hold on it would have gotten messy. The biggest challenge with being in each others live will be not ‘accidentally’ sleeping together. It will cause confusion and likely heartbreak. As long as that barrier stays up, I think you both did a wise thing.

  6. I don’t know whether it was right or not because that’s something that your “del” tells you. But from my perspective, I think logically you made the right decision, as did she. That being said, I believe that if she and you were actually as perfect together as it appears, building a life together would also be effortless.
    Since you both are in your 20’s (like me) I would suggest watching this tedtalks: why 30 isn’t the new 20.
    It was interesting and inspiring for me and anyone I showed it to as well…

    Nima, best of luck.
    Continue writing for S&F; you’re one of my favorite contributors. :)

  7. This was one contradictory piece written in a time of desperation and depression. However, as a matter of fact, there is no right or wrong decision. So, hopefully you’ll get over this ordeal in your life and find a way to justify your decision.

  8. Sara Joon: I’m very glad that find a post that you can empathize with. You put it well with “You don’t want to limit yourself.” I hope you feel better soon, but it is evident that you’re already well on your way

    khyberspace: Sleeping with an ex definitely creates a whole barrel of mistakes. I’m certain most of us can attest to this.. (I’m not sure where I got that unit of measurement from)

    Taraneh: Only your “del” can tell definitely how you feel about something, as you mention. I believe that even if you find the perfect person, building a life together is still far from effortless, however it will always be worth the effort. Thanks for the compliment, I’m very glad you like the posts :) Also, merci Taraneh, I’ll be sure to check out the TedTalks

    bash: Perhaps this was written when I was down on myself. Many times it is more satisfying to write when you’re not in a sound state of mind, though.

  9. couldn’t have read this post at better (or worse… it feels like it) time. I recently broke up with a boyfriend that I truly loved deeply. We both mutually agreed to end it, as the situation just wasn’t working. Leaving the door open for a future is a nice idea… though it makes it harder to let go. Blah love is the best and the worst thing.

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