Bite Me

I find kissing to be a determining factor when it comes to a relationship. If we kiss a guy at the end of the date, the first thing we’re usually telling our friends about is whether he’s a good kisser or not (or is that just me?). Kissing is the first blatant sexual contact between two people. After awhile (speaking in my mid-ish 20’s), we lose interest (patience) in teaching someone how to kiss.

And who do we even consider a bad kisser? Someone who slobbers all of your face? Too much tongue? No tongue movement? Or what about biting?

How much teeth action gets the job done?

kimNot to say that I’m great when it comes to biting – because for some reason, the drunker I get the harder I bite. I blame True Blood for creating this idea that hardcore biting and vampire sex is suddenly hot.

There’s a fine line with biting – and if you cross that line, you go into the uncomfortable, painful, “get me the f#ck out of here” mode. The bulletproof escape plan. Then again, if not with experience… how do we learn to be a good kisser?

Look at romantic movies. You see the guy pulling on the girl’s lip, you hear the girl moan and dig her hands into his hair and you think, damn that’s what I gotta do.

Hollywood definitely sets the bar. I loved Harry Potter, but you don’t see me trying to fly around on a broom.

When it comes to kissing, your teeth are only there to nibble. Bite hard and the moment is ruined. 

Just because it’s possible to pull out her/his lip with your teeth doesn’t mean that anyone should. Plus I can’t imagine that’s a very sexy look.

Soft “bites”… no fangs please.

trueDuh right? Let’s take that a step further. One of the first lessons I learned when I gave my first blow job was: put my lips over my teeth when I get on my knees. Why? Because penis is sensitive and that shit will hurt.

While I may not have a penis, my parts are sensitive too. I might be a little protected if someone kicks me in the crotch…

But when someone’s face is down there and they decide to suck a little too hard – any chance of an orgasm is long gone.

I’m too busy trying not to scream… out of pain.

If you’re going to suck, make sure that your teeth are no way near my genitals. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that it will never feel good and girls aren’t really trying to leave with battle wounds down there. 

ateNever do anything in excess. Don’t overuse your teeth, don’t use too much tongue, have a lot of sex but don’t forget to break — meals are important = energy = stamina. Actually, I really just love food. #fessenjoon

And don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the passion and crazy sex, but bite my shoulder or my neck – do not bite me. 

If you always want to leave them wanting more, then don’t go overboard. This isn’t porn, it’s real life.

Does biting hurt you too? Or should I learn to enjoy the sharper things in life?






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  1. Same rules apply for fingernails down our backs (or anywhere else!) ladies. That can (and does!) hurt. Digging in for a little traction is fine, but if you go beyond that….it feels more like this…

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