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Skinny Bitch

Something happened to me recently that’s made me pretty uncomfortable and angry. Let me give you a quick back-story:

I decided in mid-July to go back on antidepressants, which was a really positive step for me in handling my mental health maturely. It was getting pretty bad, and I realized that talk therapy wasn’t doing it anymore. In the past I’d tried medicine, but it never seemed to work out. This time around, I’m discovering that it’s been immensely helpful. My crying spells have diminished, I no longer lie in bed feeling hopeless, and I’m really starting to feel like myself again.

I finally shed my own stigma and biases regarding mental health and am facing it instead of denying parts of it exist.

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Anyway, one of the side effects of the antidepressant is weight loss. Since having started the regimen one month ago, I have dropped about eight pounds. I am just under 5’6” and went from 135 to 127 (FYI: a dangerously low BMI for someone of this frame is 125 pounds). I’m still eating regularly, but I find that my appetite has shrunk and I’m not as hungry as often. As I’ve opened up over time to a handful of friends about this new development, most have responded to the weight loss thing in a way I never expected:

Jealousy. Cynicism. Resentment.

They’re making it seem as if I’m lucky to lose this weight, that I must feel great about myself, that they’d like to get on antidepressants to help shed a few pounds.

They tell me I shouldn’t be complaining or worried because they’d love to be in my place instead. Wait—what in the actual FUCK is this ignorant shit that just came out of your mouth?

You want to be in a place where you feel like you can’t keep on living? Get a reality check.

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These responses are ridiculous and insensitive. I didn’t start taking this medicine to lose weight. I started taking it because my life was spiraling out from under me and I couldn’t get a strong enough grip to continue on living. I started taking it so I could perform basic functions and maintain relationships.

I started taking it so I would stop daydreaming about stepping in front of a bus or driving off an overpass.

I am angry and hurt that these ladies are projecting their insecurities and desires onto me through a skewed lens, a lens that portrays me as “lucky.”

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It concerns me that they see antidepressants, something meant to provide stability in a person’s life, as a quick way to shed a few pounds.

The weight loss is concerning to me (some of my clothes don’t fit now, and I miss my thicker frame), but to them it is a beacon that both represents resentment and reflects their self-esteem.

Not once have any of them expressed concern or curiosity about the weight loss or asked if I feel healthy or worried about this symptom. Instead their eyes light up with an envious glow and they make remarks about how awesome that must be, which completely negates the entire conversation.

Do my friends need a reality check or am I just a skinny bitch?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET NASEEM: @NaseemJoon

xoxo,

NASEEM نسیم
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Comments

  1. ha you are awesome.

  2. I can see why you would be feeling as though no one is listening or concentrating on the real issues you are facing but to be honest not many of us really know how to cope with these situations. The only way I suppose most people avoid these awkward social moments is by saying something irrelavant and well totally ridiculous. The fact you are taking steps for yourself to deal with what you are dealing with is the real issue and you yourself shouldn’t be so concerned with these passing comments. instead focus on getting better, part of that process will be to ignore… a skill I am sure many of us find hard to do but is the only way we can learn to be happy or at least happier. Most importantly do not forget commenting on declines or increases in ones weight has become almost a form of greeting to persians now… salam vaaay chhagh shodi.. khobi? it sort of come part and parcel of our cultural heritage :)

  3. That’s weird. Most antidepressants cause weight gain lol

  4. I’d go for skinny bitch for 2 reasons:
    1- Obviously you haven’t opened up with them about your depression problem fully, so they deserve no blame if they just see the tip of the iceberg (i.e., your weight loss).
    2- You call them cynical and envious while you secretly take pleasure of the “compliments” you get. Which girl does not like being seen slender? Being hypocritical is your other sin.

    Other than that, I am concerned about your health and hope you get over your depression soon.

    • Is this a joke? Firstly, her illness has made her underweight, not “slender”. Secondly, nowhere did she even mention taking pleasure in these so-called compliments. Most people with healthy self-esteem don’t care much about how others view their physical appearance. Your comment indicates that you share the same screwed-up views about weight and beauty as Naseem’s friends, which says more about you than her.

      Naseem, best of luck for your recovery. I had a friend go through a similar situation where she became very underweight after surgery and had stupid friends compliment her. She found the best tactic was to stare at them incredulously and say, “Are you serious? I’m clearly sick” (with a tone that implies ‘what is wrong with you’). If these girls are your true friends, they won’t get offended, they’ll get the message and back off.

  5. It’s the stomach flu phenomenon. You know, women who get the stomach flu or food poisoning or whatever and then afterwards they’re happy because they love 5 lbs. Uh, hello? What you lost is mostly water weight and you’re probably lacking essential vitamins and minerals right now. Then their sick friends feed the disease by saying things like, “You’re so lucky, I wish I had the flu. Bahare’s wedding is next week and I need to lose a few.”

    Your friends are normal, albeit ignorant. They have the same body issues that so many people have. They’re wrong for not showing their concern for you. That doesn’t mean they don’t care, it just means they’re selfish and jealous.

    As far as your depression goes, start exercising and try to make yourself eat whenever you can. You might even gain some weight back. I understand depression, I’ve been there. Find some friends you can talk to. Found an outlet. You can even email me! Whatever your weight is at the moment, rock it. When you gain 10 lbs and you’re back to your normal weight, rock it then, too.

    I sincerely hope that you get back on track soon, depression sucks. Gain some healthy weight. And don’t forget to love yourself.

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