As I was driving home today, I thought I saw a turtle on the highway, in between the carpool and fast lane of the freeway. It could have been tire scrap, but it also could have been a turtle. Anyway, whatever it was, it was safely perched on the white markings as cars zoomed past.
After I drove past, I started thinking about it like it was a brain teaser….”What does a turtle do in that situation?”. If the turtle tries to slowly cross the lane to go somewhere it runs the risk of getting crushed. But if it stays put, it might stay alive, although stuck where it is – and tormented by fear of what if a car changes lanes and crushes me anyway?
As I tried to find one escape route that didn’t involve the turtle risking death, it dawned upon me why I was so concerned.
Life is a highway, and I am a turtle. It is not just people who zoom past me, its everything. Time. Moments. Jobs. Opportunities.
And like the turtle, I’m safely (for now) settled between two lanes – trying to figure out how I can keep all my pieces together to get where I want to go. I’m scared to move, but I’m frustrated at where I’m at.
Let me break down the analogy:
1. I’m back at my parents (you knew that!) which makes me feel like I’m either backtracking, or stuck in one place.
2. I’m unemployed which makes me feel all of the above, plus broke.
3. I don’t even know if I want a job. Because jobs fucking suck.
4. I want to do something that makes me happy, but I’m not quite sure where to look for that.
5. I know this is a phase, and it’ll be over but I’m just like…
Now I know, it seems like a boo hoo small-violin-playing #firstworldproblem story – but honestly, its true to how I’ve been feeling all summer.
Have you ever felt like that turtle? And you just wanna be like…can everyone fucking slow down so I can think?
Trust me, I’m not sobbing into my pillow . i know Everyone says everything will work out and it will. In its own time. But I do feel useless in the meantime.
The older I get, the more I feel like time speeds up.
Oh, puberty felt like FOREVER..but my 20s are going to just speed on by? What kind of justice is that?
And the faster time goes, the more you feel like you miss out on.
This is just a bad case of #FOMO.
Shout out to my spirit animal of the day: the TURTLE!
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