The Perfect Woman

I’m Ike Turner, turn up/Baby know I don’t play/Now eat the cake, Anna Mae

Last week at the Grammy’s, Jay-Z and Beyonce did their usual thang and suddenly articles like this were published denouncing Beyonce as a feminist for singing along with the words above – words written by her hubby.

beyWhen something happens between a man and woman, our society judges the woman first. Jay-Z wrote lyrics for Beyonce’s song, and now we’re criticizing her for singing along to it? Rihanna got beaten up by her boyfriend – and instead of focusing all attention on Chris Brown and the very real presence of domestic violence in our society, the media asked whether she would get back with him. We keep focusing on how women are doing other women wrong.

As if women can be the only feminists.

donWe have such defining rules of what a woman is these days…

A woman who claims to believe in gender equality isn’t enough, she has to also follow the “Guide to a Perfect Feminist.”

Do you mean to say that if I have a few Chris Brown songs on my iPod that I don’t condemn violence against women? Is it fair for me to worry that if I wear a sexy dress, I’m giving in to sexism and am automatically adhering to a man’s rules? What if my definition of sexy includes a freakum dress?

We have to stop pointing fingers and nit-picking every little thing people do and start focusing on the bigger picture. We should be criticizing the culture that encourages this kind of behavior rather than an individual person:

Hold EVERYONE accountable – not just the people who write lyrics and screenplays, but the industry that pays them to do it.

An industry and culture that finds something like this so hilarious (shaming both men and women): 

Remember those pro-domestic violence Facebook groups that began popping up last year? Instead of posting obscene responses to the Facebook pages that advocated in favor of “hitting your women,” people contacted Facebook and Facebook’s advertisers — AKA the bigger picture.

I’m not saying that those lyrics in “Drunk in Love” are justified – yes, the lyrics in her song send the wrong message, but the same can be said by so many others and yet no one seems to focus on that. Doesn’t Jay-Z have a little responsibility here too? Or the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, MTV, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, or maybe the record labels?? The industry that gets off on a public make-out sesh with Madonna and Britney Spears.

WTF was the point of that again? To piss off Justin? 

jtWe’re so quick to criticize women for being “anti-feminists.” But let’s be fair: 2Chainz, Justin Bieber, Sean Connery, and now Woody Allen. Don’t tell me they have to feature topless women in their music videos to get some hate (shout out to Robin Thicke)? And wasn’t Thicke nominated for… three Grammy’s?

Sounds to me the problem is what our media chooses to cover. Maybe for once, we (men AND women) could band together, f#ck the “rules,” and run the world.






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  1. Great post, Farrah! Women these days just can’t seem to win. They are shamed for having sex/wanting to wait until marriage, wearing revealing clothing/wearing hijab and dressing modestly, etc. And a lot of this shaming comes from other WOMEN, self-proclaimed feminists. In my eyes, a progressive woman is someone who is independent, stands by her decisions, and makes her own CHOICES, regardless of what they may be!

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