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How to Keep Him Interested

As I sat in the waiting room at the doctor, I skimmed through the month old magazines strewn across the table. The bright colours of Cosmopolitan begged to be chosen. Okay, maybe it was Olivia Wilde’s cleavage.

olivia

Regardless, one of the articles caught my eye. “Ways to keep him interested!” I figure as a penis owner, I could maybe lend some credibility to the writer (who was a woman). I found some of the answers to be rudimentary and flat.

“Find out about his interests. Nothing a guy likes more than a girl who watches football with him.”

“Give thanks to the little things, like holding the door.” (Ha! thank his little thing is what I read)

“Reach out. Hold his hand in public, but don’t show too much PDA.”

“Look great for him!”

For me, this article should have been entitled “How to Submit and Pick Up Carey Grant.” Now some of these do make sense, and they’re applicable to men as well. If I show up to your doorstep in sweat pants and male Uggs, you should probably toss me to the curb. If I don’t say thank you, you should probably call my mom for raising such a little sh*t. If I make no effort to find out about your interests, you probably shouldn’t go down on me. Unless you really want to.

girls

So I thought I would share my thoughts on how to “keep him interested.” I’m speaking on my own behalf, but I know my close friends share my sentiments which maybe explains why we’re all single.
1). Tell me you’re busy:

A quick way I lose interest is when a girl is always available to hang out. Your date/partner/whomever should be a part of your life. A part of your life. A girl who can’t see me because she’s spending time with her friends, she’s a keeper.

2). Disagree:

Something I find extremely sexy is when a girl is opinionated and isn’t worried what I might think if she disagrees. People who dislike differences of opinions or healthy arguments aren’t worth your time anyway. It could be about worldwide issues or simply a movie we watched.

Having your own opinion is very sexy.

3). Sense of Humor:

This is my biggest turn on, however not everyone has a great sense of humour – which is more than alright. But don’t take yourself too seriously. No need to be self-deprecating, but do not worry about looking silly because of something you said or did.

funny
 4). Dress up, makeup down:

You didn’t think I could complete this list without vanity, did you? Put an outfit together.

I do pay attention to what you’re wearing.

Also, simplify the makeup. I want to see your face, not a walking Jackson Pollock. This way when you do want to put on a really bright red lipstick or whatever, it sticks out that much more and becomes sexy. Goes both ways, of course. I promise to groom my hair, beard and wear two layers of deodorant.

5). Don’t have sex, yet. 

I’ve dated girls whom I’ve had sex with on the second date, and maintained interest in over a long period of time. But that’s more the exception than the rule. If you’re in the stage of dating, and still feeling each other out, put a hold on the va jay jay.

The buildup and anticipation is sometimes more than half the game. After a great date night, walk home and kiss him with a little extra tongue action. Then tell him you had a great night, and you’ll see him again. This will make his head (and penis) explode. He will be intrigued, and want to see you again.

And now you know how to get into my pants.

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Peace,

NIMA نیما
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Comments

  1. as a sexually active, heterosexual persian male born in the occident who is looking for more than a saturday night one night stand, this article was crap.

    1. tell me you’re busy? crap. tell me you’re busy when you’re busy. if you’re busy watching breaking bad or game of thrones, invite me over.
    2. disagree? yeah right. my parent’s marriage would actually have western notions of love in it if they didn’t argue about every little thing in life. guys and girls need to let some things slide, there’s no such thing as healthy heated debate unless it always ends in angry, loving sex. don’t disagree because you like to be a devil’s advocate just because. that’s fucking childish.
    3. sense of humo(u)r? persian, please. being in said group, i have never met a group of people who are so serious all the time. and you know what? it’s great. when we’re having fun, we’re *seriously* having fun (see cocaine and hokm). no need to act like a complete dandy just to project some image of “fun loving silly guy”.
    4. re: vanity. why do you even attempt to enter this fray? this is secret women’s business, if they wanna wear makeup, however light or heavy, it’s up to them. do you recommend pad and tampon brands? no. keep out of this domain altogether man.
    5. well… this one is debateable. this is a blog for persian nymphos, or at least, persian kids who have abandoned those old country notions of purity and chastity. be it new york or tehran, everyone’s getting some, and believe me, it ain’t no sigheh business either.

    now i’ll read the girl’s article.

    sincerely,

    mercury

  2. Hello Mercury,

    Thanks for commenting.

    1 – I suppose a girl should be inviting you over at any opportunity she’s not busy.

    2 – I disagree with “There’s no such thing as a healthy, heated debate unless it always ends in angry, loving sex.” In fact, I would say that is a healthy debate in itself. And I don’t think we’re going to have sex.

    3 – I’m not sure what you meant by dandy, so I had to look it up. It took my attention away from cocaine and hokm.

    4 – I would probably venture into the choice of tampons and pads if I had an opinion on the more aesthetic choice. But I do not. Ladies, feel free to choose any form of menstrual care when you’re with Nima.

    5 – Did you just say this one is debatable? Are you hinting at angry sex?

    And the ‘u’ in humour is due to British/Canadian spelling.

    Sincerely,
    Nima

    • hello nima,

      you’re very welcome.

      1. if a girl is available, she’s available. if i call said available girl, not knowing if she is available or not, ask her to coffee or dinner or whatever and she makes some bullshit excuse about why she can’t hang out, that’s not good. the way you wrote it up, she should be telling you she’s busy even when she’s not which is dumb.

      2. have you ever seen two people who love each other using angry, loud language disagreeing over a petty matter only to be followed by months of the persian silent treatment? it’s not nice. it’s perhaps one of the worst aspects of being persian. and maybe, just maybe if nowruz is around the corner (or a funeral), the hatchet will be buried, but you’re into disagreeing just to be brave or make a point. sometimes it’s nice to act a little bit white, just smile and nod and say, “yes, joonam”.

      you know what? it’s already too late, i’ve taken your bait and i won’t hide my shame by not posting this.

      the ‘u’ in humor is also australian/new zealand spelling.

      sincerely,

      mercury

Trackbacks

  1. […] Nima’s post last week on how to keep guys interested – deleshoon bekhad – I think it’s high […]

  2. […] few weeks ago, Nima gave the ladies some tips on how to keep a guy interested.  This week, the tables are turned. It’s about time guys learned how to keep HER […]

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