No one knows how to party quite like Persians do. Fly in the family to one location to celebrate the union of two people (the ultimate success) and here’s what you get:
1. You meet new “cousins” and other family members you were never aware you had.
And it doesn’t even feel weird when they kiss you like your grandmother does because by the end of the night, it’s like you knew each other all along.
2. Sofreh Aghd.
Decked OUT. Bring out the crystals, diamonds, and shirini.
3. The bride basically gets to sit under a woman-made fort for the duration of the ceremony.
Your inner child applauds you.
4. She also gets to lick honey off her soon-to-be husband’s finger.
Talk about kinky.
5. No one is giving you weird looks for making this noise all night:
6. The only wedding where black is an appropriate color to wear.
And everyone looks like they stepped out out of a fashion magazine (botox included).
7. The wedding ceremony is the pre-party to the tequila shots.
if you haven’t hidden a flask in your purse. And the underage kids get a free pass.
This isn’t a catholic wedding where you sit… and stand… sit back down… and stand… for God knows how long.
If you’re the bride:
8. The judgement and smack-talk doesn’t even faze you as you walk down the aisle.
Mostly because you got married before your ameh’s daughter.
9. There’s always a group of old Iranian women sitting in the corner and watching how everyone else conducts themselves.
especially on the dance floor…
The highlight of their night is when they see one of the javoonha (youths) do something risqué.
10. The older the Persian woman… the closer to your mouth they kiss.
This isn’t a reason why Iranian weddings are the best, but at least you know what to watch out for.
11. Brides can get away with wearing mounds of makeup.
For the most part. The struggle is real.
12. Persians don’t cheap out on the food.
whether it’s kabob or a choice of chicken or steak.
This is just round one:
13. The only wedding where your uncles revert to their frat boy ways and double fist all night.
Just tryna’ function.
14. There’s always one random family member who gets up to inappropriately toast the bride and groom.
Improv at it’s finest. Hold me back bro.
15. Bouquet toss? No, it’s all about the Knife dance.
(if you win).
16. Um no one will be throwing cake in your face when it’s time to cut the cake.
Keep it classy people. We’re Persian.
But most importantly…
17. You’re not self-conscious.
You’re surrounded with people you love… people who get you and your Persian ways. People who know how to have a damn good time and are there to celebrate together.
*disclaimer: if you do hook up with someone at the wedding… everyone will see and they will ask you about it the next day. Anonymity doesn’t exist at Iranian weddings.
Are Iranian weddings your favorite? Tell us why.
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