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17 Reasons Persian Weddings Are The Best

No one knows how to party quite like Persians do. Fly in the family to one location to celebrate the union of two people (the ultimate success) and here’s what you get:

1. You meet new “cousins” and other family members you were never aware you had.

And it doesn’t even feel weird when they kiss you like your grandmother does because by the end of the night, it’s like you knew each other all along.

fam

Source: giphy

2. Sofreh Aghd.

Decked OUT. Bring out the crystals, diamonds, and shirini.

Source: Party Bravo

Source: Party Bravo

3. The bride basically gets to sit under a woman-made fort for the duration of the ceremony.

Your inner child applauds you.

4. She also gets to lick honey off her soon-to-be husband’s finger.

Talk about kinky.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

5. No one is giving you weird looks for making this noise all night:

6. The only wedding where black is an appropriate color to wear.

And everyone looks like they stepped out out of a fashion magazine (botox included).

black

Source: giphy

7. The wedding ceremony is the pre-party to the tequila shots.

if you haven’t hidden a flask in your purse. And the underage kids get a free pass.

This isn’t a catholic wedding where you sit… and stand… sit back down… and stand… for God knows how long.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

If you’re the bride:

8. The judgement and smack-talk doesn’t even faze you as you walk down the aisle.

Mostly because you got married before your ameh’s daughter.

Source: giphy

9. There’s always a group of old Iranian women sitting in the corner and watching how everyone else conducts themselves.

especially on the dance floor…

The highlight of their night is when they see one of the javoonha (youths) do something risqué.

judging

source: giphy

 10. The older the Persian woman… the closer to your mouth they kiss.

This isn’t a reason why Iranian weddings are the best, but at least you know what to watch out for.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

11. Brides can get away with wearing mounds of makeup.

For the most part. The struggle is real.

Source: Party Bravo

Source: Party Bravo

12. Persians don’t cheap out on the food.

whether it’s kabob or a choice of chicken or steak.

This is just round one:

13. The only wedding where your uncles revert to their frat boy ways and double fist all night.

Just tryna’ function.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

14. There’s always one random family member who gets up to inappropriately toast the bride and groom.

Improv at it’s finest. Hold me back bro.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

15. Bouquet toss? No, it’s all about the Knife dance.

(if you win).

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

16. Um no one will be throwing cake in your face when it’s time to cut the cake.

Keep it classy people. We’re Persian.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

 But most importantly…

17. You’re not self-conscious.

You’re surrounded with people you love… people who get you and your Persian ways. People who know how to have a damn good time and are there to celebrate together.

Source: giphy

Source: giphy

*disclaimer: if you do hook up with someone at the wedding… everyone will see and they will ask you about it the next day. Anonymity doesn’t exist at Iranian weddings. 

Are Iranian weddings your favorite? Tell us why.

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Comments

  1. Yup they sure know how to party. But here is the kicker, they will budget for everything else but they will forget that the Dj is the most important. They will spend money on the best location, food, clothes etc. but when it comes to the Dj they want to spend the least. They forget about how important the sound is, or the acoustics of the room, or the ambiance or even how good the music sounded when the Dj blends different genres live (not pre recorded)

  2. dj masood, the recent trend i’ve noticed is to hire a band, complete with 3 keyboardists (casio in my face all night long), a singer (also on keyboard), a non persian man (often african) on some kind of large bongo/tombak-esque drum set and sometimes, though not as often as i would like, an accordion player (essentially a keyboard). the venues often provide a professional mc service (italians seem to run this racket) and i’ve never heard a persian name mispronounced by our european cousins. venues will also have an audio team (usually white kids from community college) who will play the very best of viguen (god bless his soul) the groom’s cousin put on usb, so i’m afraid to say that the persian dj may become a thing of the past. i’ve seen it happen with wedding videographers.

    now, the list:

    1. i once had a luke/leia skywalker moment with a cousin whom i didn’t know was my cousin at the time. always remember to ask the cousins you do know to point out who the other cousins are.
    2. sofrehye aghd is to weddings what sofrehye haft-sin is to nowruz. though i consider it part of my mother and mother-in-law’s duty to the marriage ceremony, it is a duty that should be taken seriously. make sure they know what you want or don’t want on there as it will likely be something you only see once in life.
    3. oh boy, it certainly does look like fun!
    4. both the bride and groom do this. it’s kinda like how white people rub a little cake cream on each other’s noses, though i’ve seen that happen at persian weddings too.
    5. lol, arabs.
    6. tuxedos do look best in black.
    7. 13. and 14. i’ve been to dry weddings and wet weddings, booze and persians don’t mix too well when it comes to formal events. there’s always that embarassing amoo or your dad’s best friend or whatever who get white girl wasted and it’s just so unclassy. alcohol is best avoided at persian weddings.
    8. ladies, does this actually happen? there’s usually deafening irooni music and clapping so, yeah…
    9. what’s even scarier about them is that they have smart phones now and they know how to use them.
    10. i have actually mastered the art of avoiding robousi with the effective use of gesturing for a handshake/hug/pat on the back thing. it is awkward as fuuuark and sometimes you get lipstick stains on your neck or collar because they didn’t expect or anticipate my moves, but it saves me from lips all the same.
    11. goldface was the thing for a long time, not sure if it still is… looked nice though.
    12. but sometimes the venue forces you to pick from their western menu #steakandgravy
    15. my sister was able to buy her first car with the proceeds of a knife dance. serious business is serious.
    16. throwing? no. a dot of cream on the nose? likely.
    17. nah, people dance and have a good time, but no one really lets their guard (or their hair) down. too many proud, old persian lions. the younger ones generally do all the judging anyway.

    persian wedding are great, they really are, but until it becomes a custom for the groom to fire live rounds from a gold-plated kalashnikov while standing next to his european supercar…

    … you know, it’s like new years without the fireworks.

    sincerely,

    mercury

  3. desperada57 says:

    You mentioned it only in passing, but I know all about those Catholic weddings! You spend what feels like DAYS alternating between standing, sitting and kneeling.

  4. Yara Zokaie says:

    Since this blog has somehow gained popularity among Persian american women I cant help myself. Some of the things I disagree with are just my personal taste (see #’s 4,11, 13…no thanks to the honey licking..) And other things people in general should just not be cool with – like why is this blog highlighting how Persian culture revolves around gossip and judgement as if we should accept that/it’s a good thing? (see #’s 8, 9, and 17). But what I take most issue with is the things women specifically should stand against or at least be informed about. Lets take #3 as an example, where the bride sits under a fort held up by happily married women – based on the tradition of not allowing divorcees and widows to attend the wedding (kinda messed up).. and then acts all coy like oh I dont know if I want to marry you yet giggle giggle, which is based on the fact that women used to actually not want to marry the person and were seen as property forced into this transaction. This blog has the opportunity to expose the bases of Persian wedding traditions (often female demeaning) and create a forum for enlightening conversation (one that doesn’t settle on gifs to replace intelligent writing). I just hope this blog could stop trying to get hits by saying they want to improve the lives of young Iranian women, and actually do it

    • Hi Yara,

      Thanks so much for your comment. I’m sorry that you didn’t like this post. But let me try to address some of your concerns. Yes, we write some fun, light posts – but we do address a lot of social and political issues that Iranian American women/families face, including issues of identity. Let me give you a few examples:

      Muslim Women and Sexuality: https://joonies.com/2014/03/03/muslim-women-and-sexuality/

      Being a Lesbian in the Iranian American community: https://joonies.com/2014/02/10/from-your-favorite-iranian-lesbian/

      Growing up with special needs in an Iranian American household: https://joonies.com/2014/04/14/growing-up-with-special-needs/

      I personally find a lot of our traditional customs to be laughable. I make fun of it because sometimes, that’s the best way to get people to think about it — through laughter. The only way to evolve our traditions (that are STILL being passed down from generation after generation) is to talk about it – and there are definitely different ways to do that. We appreciate your feedback and constructive criticism; and we hope you continue to read more of our content because there is quite a variety of writers and topics to choose from.

      On a side note, our mission has always been to spark dialogue and conversation. As writers writing from personal experience, we have no idea if this will improve the lives of anyone, but we hope our content, whether light or heavy, leaves readers a little more thought-provoked than before.

      Thanks again for your thoughts,

      xoxo, Farrah

    • yara, you may find that most traditions are based on crazy things, like christmas for example. christmas (25th of december) is the birthday of horus, the falcon-headed god of ancient egyptian religious traditions who was born to a virgin mother…

      our traditions and cultures, as crazy as they may seem now and crazier still when you look at them in a historical context are what make us who we are. sure we gossip and judge, and more often than not we know we shouldn’t do it but do it anyway just to pass the time, so who really cares? if we get bogged down worrying about wedding traditions, there’ll be no one left to worry about economic security, national defense, peace in the middle east, etc.

      ehh, just my two rials.

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