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Do It All For Love

I have an obsession, one that is not very easy to admit to without being perceived as intimidating or outright creepy: observation. I am a detail-oriented fanatic. It is in my nature to strip every situation into mental notes of places sounds, smells, colors, and – of course – people.

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So for those who have been reading my posts, it will come as no surprise that most of my stories are inspired by what I witness from friends, colleagues and random people I meet everyday.

Which sounds ok right? Well yes and no. I can say that I’ve learned a lot from watching people interact and maybe it this obsession of mine that has saved me from many awkward and sometimes downright catastrophic situations.To watch and learn from other people’s mistakes has always been my life’s motto.

But, here’s the problem:

too much observation of other people’s lives means that you will judge and prejudice them wrongly.

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You see, I had meant my post for this month to be a raging manifesto on women who take equality in relationships to mean basically bullying their boyfriends/ husbands. The kind of thing that makes the name “Feminazi” a legit term after all. I had all the juicy examples and situations dug up from a friend of mine who perhaps the whole of Cairo can agree on is your typical relationship bully. Until I realized that this is really about how I perceive the relationship and how my own bias seeps into other people’s business.

As far back as we were in university, the girl would tell her now newly-wed husband who to go out with, where to go and when to go home.

The guy has been the laughing stock of our group of friends for years. The theories on how the relationship will pan out vary from those who believe that he will continue to allow himself to be bullied forever to those who wait the day when he will explode in rage. Since I have known them, there is only one thought that rings in my head every time I see the two: “Holy f#ck, I would never do this.”

And it is true that a relationship based on intimidation, no matter how well-disguised, is doomed to fail. But what’s changed is that I no longer see men (like my friend) here as “sissies” or “wimps,” but rather the possibility that this is what they sacrifice for the sake of a relationship in which THEY seem to be happy.

After all, don’t we all give up something for love?

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We will never get it 100%. We will still judge, jump to conclusions, and air them with foolish confidence.

But it’s best to learn the lesson through awareness and not just because karma bites back.

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TWEET AT YASMINE: @YASMINE_NAGATY

xoxo,

YASMINE یاسمین

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Comments

  1. yasmine, i recommend you consider applying for a job with the cia, mi6 or similar, those are the finely honed skills of an intelligence analyst and best part is, it’s not creepy if it’s on the job!

    on the topic of learning from observation, how do you fare when learning through practical, experiential experiences? for me at least, it’s one thing to watch an ikea guy build a book case, it’s another story putting one together yourself…

    if you ever decide to write that “raging manifesto on women who take equality in relationships to mean basically bullying their boyfriends/ husbands”, i’d gladly read it as it would be interesting to see how a self-described feminist observes this form of spousal abuse.

    however, i also find it quite sad that your friends treat this married friend of yours as a laughing stock when, if this situation were reversed, and the husband was being the nazi to his wife (which i know well is far more common, but nonetheless), they would be counselling her and telling her they’re always there for her if she ever needs them, etc.

    “After all, don’t we all give up something for love?” – giving up your freedom of association and freedom of movement is just wrong. he may say he’s happy, but i’m sure he dies a little every time he tells himself and others that.

    this was certainly an interesting article, i look forward to your next piece.

    sincerely,

    mercury

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