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6 American Foods I Don’t Get as an Iranian AMERICAN

I don’t consider myself a foodie:

a pretentious term used for people who eat super expensive meals in tiny portions.

… but I love food. Like, hi I’m Persian, I need more than one bite of koobideh.

My American side loves burgers, hot dogs, donuts, and anything else you can imagine. At the end of the day, I was born in Wisconsin. 

But there’s just some American foods I can’t get on board with.

I don’t get the hype and I feel like people who do, are just lying and really need to rethink their life decisions.

1. Grits.

Living on the east coast, I’ve been introduced to the world of southern cuisine. I welcomed hush puppies with open arms, but grits? Even the name sounds shady.

 2. Biscuits and Gravy.

Why do you need to dump sludge on your biscuits? It makes them soggy. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of biscuits? Gravy is the recipe for indigestion and heart burn.

 3. Red Velvet Cake.

Frosting I’m down for. Cake that has red food coloring (which adds no value to the taste) doesn’t make sense. It looks like a science project gone wrong.

4. Wings.

Thank you for pouring gallons of sauce over the tiniest chicken wings I’ve ever seen. You have to order 20 just so it makes a dent in your appetite. Does someone have a pitcher of water I can chug?

5. Bacon JAM.

People are putting bacon on everythingBut bacon JAM? Just no.

6. Casserole.

Is it soup? Is it pasta? Do you mix it with rice? Why is soup an ingredient?

Casseroles are like the khoresht rejects.

JOONS, am I missing out? Comment us with your least/favorite American foods.

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Comments

  1. arasheht says:

    I can’t believe what I just read…you really don’t like gravy, red velvet cake, and most disturbingly of all – wings? How do you live with yourself?

    Well I guess you can like and dislike whatever you please, but gravy on top of anything – I literally mean anything – elevates the dish a thousand fold. Fries, meat, salad, sawdust – you name it and gravy will make it not only edible, but delicious.

    That aside, red velvet? It’s pretty AND it tastes good, what more do you want? Plus, the best kinds contain no artificial food colouring, so there’s no need to freak out in the washroom.

    And don’t even get me started on wings. I LOVE wings. In fact, if you don’t like wings, chances are you’re a communist terrorist cell (if that’s even a thing). I like wings so much that I once set out to uncover the Frank’s Red Hot Sauce Buffalo Wing recipe because I used so much of it that it was getting to be an expensive habit. Here’s the picture of my discovery: http://imgur.com/oihrucH

    Anyways, all I’m trying to say is that khoresht and koobideh aside, all of the above are absolute staples of North American foods that I happily adopt into my own eating habits without any protest. As far as bacon jam is concerned, it sounds good on paper and that’s exactly where it ends because it actually tastes like poo. With chunks. Chunky poo. Casseroles are alright, I’ve made them once or twice and I didn’t mind too much, and I don’t know what grits are so I can’t comment on them.

    Tl;dr: our ideas or tasty are worlds apart.

  2. I agree with some of these, but I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for both grits and biscuits and gravy…they may not be good for you, but I think they sure taste good.

    I also don’t get: packaged Ramen (which isn’t really American, but a popular staple in homes), Chef Boyardee, and the fact that Taco Bell is still in business….

  3. Ok as an Iranian American I can understand where your coming from. But considering I grew up in the south I have to disagree with some of it…lol I’m not a big fan of grits but they are ok but when you talk about gravey and biscuits…that is one of the best things. If your biscuits got soggy then they have been sitting too long. I have never had a soggy biscuit when I have fixed them. Come down here I’ll show you how to eat southern food the right way….lol!!!

  4. amaryllisgreen says:

    Do you have a Hooters (restaurant) where you are? Their wings are TOP!

  5. I’ll eat red velvet all day before I eat any dessert with rose water in it. It’s like eating perfume. Do I get my persian club membership taken away now? ;)

  6. I’m laughing so hard! Thank you for that insight. As someone who lived in the south most of my life, I take these for granted. Bacon jam is a new one…love bacon but agree, jam is just wrong. Red velvet cake…no dye, thanks That’s just gross. Saffron or turmeric to color, that’s fine but it’s natural! The other stuff, I have to admit I like, just because. And I laughed SO hard about casserole being a khoresht reject! There, made me laugh again!!!

  7. Maria Nuria Aluzadeh says:

    Red velvet, yum and a good casserole always goes down well and chicken wings….yum yum!!!

  8. I am an immigrant and a chef. Come from a country with traditional cooking habits. I find such things weird too. Loved this post.

  9. stephanie says:

    I like your list. It def hits high points of the least nutritious and least appetizing cuisine. Casseroles are something I find disgusting beyond comprehension. Thank you for sharing your inpressions!

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