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Relationships are like a Math Problem

Relationships can be fraught with all kinds of disagreements that fall on the spectrum from petty to apocalyptic, and frankly you need to have disagreements. But how can you fight like hell without it falling (entirely) to pieces?

*disclaimer: I am not a relationship therapist. Just sharing what’s worked for me.

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Treat your disagreements like a math problem by following these simple rules:

By being selfless.
By listening deeply.
By exhibiting empathy.

Selflessness: you may feel wronged in a situation, but it’s important to know exactly why and how the other person was wronged, too. By being selfless, you can objectively consider your own actions.

Suspend your ego for a moment.

Listen deeply: truly listen – let him/her finish a thought before you respond. Instead of countering with defensive language (though it isn’t easy at times), provide logical and objective reasoning for your action/s. Logic is key here. I do believe it’s important to own, experience, and defend our feelings. But you can defend/protect yourself without defensive language (including body language).

kim

Exhibit empathy: put yourself in your mate’s shoes. Once s/he has logically explained the thinking/reactionary patterns that created the emotional response, it’s easier to understand how exactly A+B=C for that person. And please, don’t insult.

In short…

Goal: treat sticky situations like a math problem and handle it with logic and patience to reach a solution.

love

Now, none of this is to say if you try this method your problems will suddenly become cute little soap bubbles that require a simple pop to disappear- a fight can be gnarly as hell and leave some emotional residue, and require time to cool off/be alone before talking. And all of this takes emotional maturity, patience, and willingness. But, if you can give those things to one another, even the most painful confrontations can be handled with more dignity.

Do you agree with my methods? Are math problems the key to our relationship drama?

Cry it out,

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tweet me: @naseemjoon

xo,

NASEEM نسیم
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