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How to Keep HER Interested

After Nima’s post last week on how to keep guys interested – deleshoon bekhad – I think it’s high time someone spelled it out for all the men in our lives who seem to only know how to complain about women.

Women are so confusing.”

Um no.

andyy

Big shout out to our joons who contributed via Twitter! 

We’re sick of hearing about how girls are cray. So we’re here to help the boys out. Give them some of the basics so they can stop being so basic.

1. Ask her questions.

Yes, we already know you have a job (hopefully), and that you’re a potential catch. But don’t forget that you’re on a date with us… not with yourself. No hos to hear your life story on a first date.

cargo

2. Just be cool.

Dating is definitely a source of anxiety. Believe me, we feel it too. But can we not be Persian-old-school about it? If the point of dating is to get to know one another then why would you not keep it real? Forget about your “image” and the “game.” We’re not as interested in your house, car, or mom.

(@prrrsiankitten) and (@melissaetehad)

3. Bathe… and notice that we bathed too.

(@ant_tea)

You are lying if you think there is no vanity in dating. We made an effort to look for nice for you. So notice. Say something. We notice you. And we say things…

cute

4.  Just be cool, part 2.

Basically, don’t be so thirsty. You don’t like desperate girls, we don’t like desperate guys.

(@shamirang)

5. Don’t be disrespectful towards your exes.

If we’re going to date you and for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, it will be a lot harder to not get crazy if we know how much sh*t you’ll be talking. Plus it’s tacky. Why does the “ex talk” even have to happen until absolutely necessary?

(@politicallyaff) and (@dokhtar110)

There you go, boys. The survey results are in. Not as hard as you make it out to be.

What dating tips are we missing?

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xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

I’m Not Crazy Because I’m Persian

I love everything about being Persian and I feel like everyone else should love it too. So you can imagine my surprise when other people react to my Persian-ness with Oh you’re Persian? I hear Persian girls are crazy.  

lame

I usually meet those responses with a small laugh and a do you know any Persian girls? Either I want them to realize they know like one Persian girl or I’m shrugging it off.

Who gave the impression that Persian girls are crazy?

Persian girls aren’t crazy, we just hold people accountable for their actions.

I don’t know if it’s our upbringing (manners manners manners) or what – but when I look at my Persian friends (and myself), I feel like we all carry that no bullsh*t attitude pretty seriously.

And yes, I will admit that sometimes our response to bullsh*t is a few choice words (or slaps) directed at the wrong-doer. It’s for our own benefit really, our sanity – you need to know what/how we’re feeling.

Getting hurt already sucks, but when the other person doesn’t realize the significance of their actions – it’s frustrating.

rudeWhen it comes to relationships, I don’t actually believe that anything can be one person’s fault. (except maybe cheating… MAYBE). I just think that if a girl is getting “crazy,” it’s usually because it’s the guy/girl making her crazy. (this guy told me that – which proves this theory).

When I look at my past broken friendships or failed relationships, I don’t really know what happened. I know what I did wrong in some of those situations, but I don’t really know how the other person felt or what they wanted. And yes, when a person can’t be honest about their feelings or intentions – I guess you could say it makes me “crazy.” But if that’s crazy, then what’s normal? Not caring?

Ultimately…

If you think I’m crazy based on my race, I’m going to think you’re crazy for being stupid.

I’m just not sure if I buy the whole it’s a Persian girl thing. 

Are you crazy because you’re Persian?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

I Love and Hate Dating White Boys

I really try not to discriminate: Asian, Black, Mexican, Persian obviously, and Sefeed – you name it, I’ve tried it. And as much as I prefer Persian, you have to work with what you’re surrounded with. Especially on the east coast… which is 90% white.

w

Looking back at my dating history with white guys, I’ve come to realize that there are certain things I really love about dating them… and some things I just can’t stand. And somehow it’s all interchangeable… 

Hate: They can’t speak Farsi. This mostly bothers me because…

there are some things you just can’t translate into English.

Like khak to saret. You know, those fighting words that really drive your point in an argument. “A**hole” doesn’t carry the same weight as some choice words in Farsi. Alternatively, what’s the English version of “ghorboonet beram?” 

Love: They can’t speak Farsi. Leaving plenty of room for secret conversations right in front of them… since they can’t understand. I know it’s mean, but mostly helpful when you want to fill in your friend about the sex last night and he’s not leaving the room.

smileHate: Dating someone outside of your culture requires you to be a teacher 24/7. Why does your mom burn that herb? (esphand). Sometimes, I don’t want to have to explain the quirks (aka normalcy) of my family…

Sometimes I just want to be with someone who isn’t continuously thinking that my family is weird.

Because they’re not. And esphand is a necessity.

Love: Dating someone outside of your culture also allows you to share a new experience with them. And let’s be real, those experiences are pretty memorable. Dancing at a mehmooni? And, sometimes you learn something new from them too. I would’ve never known shuffleboard was a real game if it hadn’t been for some white guy forcing me to play.

Love: They know how to plan a romantic date. Walk along the beach, stroll through the DC monuments late at night, hold your hand in a scary movie.

dateHate: At the end of the day, Persian guys know all the Persian girl standards/tendencies (mostly) without you having to spell it out for them. And white guys don’t. That’s just reality.

Every Persian girl expects some variation of princess whether they like to admit it or not.

Hate: Tarof. You cannot Tarof with white people period. They do not understand what Tarof is.

Love: You learn how to stop Tarof’ing (to an extent). 

And finally, I hate the generalizations that are made of Persians when white guys have one Irooni girl under their belt. As if, we are all the same. But I guess my hatred towards their generalizations makes this post the most hypocritical one ever.

I’m not sorry.

Do you have a different experience with dating white guys?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

New Beginnings: Be Vulnerable

I’ve always viewed vulnerability as a weakness. Another way for someone to walk all over you… hurt you… take advantage of you. To me, strength had nothing to do with the physical. It was all about your mentality – no one can touch you.

Photos via reorientmag.tumblr.com

Photos via reorientmag.tumblr.com

As a result, I’ve distanced myself from many relationships, specifically romantic relationships. I thought that to be a strong woman, you must never give someone the power to hurt you – especially a man. 

And I’ve never been more wrong.

When one of my past relationships ended things with me a few years ago, I was so angry at myself. I was angry because I had depended on him, I allowed myself to open up and show him a real side of me. Post-breakup, it felt like he had some sort of power of me… he knew me like no one else did and that made him the most powerful man to stand over meI vowed to never be in that situation again and it took me a long time to forgive myself (and really all men) for having to deal with that pain in the first place.

Three years later, I look back at the relationships I’ve had since and I can’t help but think that none of them have had any depth or realness to them.

I’m always looking for new experiences, but only if its on my terms.

And frankly, all that tells me now is that I’m just plain scared.

The inability to be vulnerable is the equivalent of being fearful. I may as well stay home because I don’t have the guts to go and put myself out there – and there’s nothing that shouts WEAKNESS quite like that.

For my “new beginnings,” I want to learn how to be vulnerable. I want to lose the fear of having my heart broken because without heartbreak, you never learn. You never grow as a person and your dating life never expands to a wider range of men/experiences (you just keep going back to the same thing especially when you don’t have any past mistakes to learn from). 

I’ve made mistakes but I’ve shielded myself from the pain of it by not letting myself feel too much. I truly can’t think of a more cowardly move than that.

To be vulnerable is to be strong.

So here’s to a year of learning how to be damn vulnerable.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

The Evolution of Girl Code in Your 20s

Chicks before dicks… These were the rules I’ve lived by. Friends come first, not some dark-haired and dark-eyed amazing kisser waiting for you at home.

parksIn high school and college, I knew better than to date my friend’s crush or blow my girlfriends off for a night with the old ball and chain. There were just some things that were unforgivable when it came to meaningful friendships. 

As a woman-child, I’ve taken those invaluable lessons taught to me by my dear old friends, and I’ve integrated them into my current relationships. And frankly, that was probably not the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

Dating is very different in your mid to late 20’s compared to when you were 20.

loveWhen you’re younger, you don’t really think about foreverAt least for me, I lived in the moment. What was I doing that day and who I was seeing that night. It was easy for me to follow the “rules to being a good friend” because I wasn’t really thinking long-term/marriage with the guys I was dating. I was available to my friends 24/7 and if I wasn’t, they definitely let me know it.

And in all of that so called “loyalty,” I never once stopped to think, my friends might start thinking long-term/marriage with their guys. What will that mean for us? 

Is it fair of me to get mad at my friends for blowing me off when they’re talking about forever? 

That’s the whole point of dating, isn’t it? You’re looking for a partner, someone to have children and/or grow old with (if you’re into that sorta thing). Then why do we get so mad when our friends choose to hang out with their boyfriends rather than with us? If they end up together then they will be a package deal. It’s inevitable. 

friendsSo what’s the problem? No, I’m really asking. The whole notion of “chicks before dicks” and “bros before hoes” is a fake. It just doesn’t exist because…

in the end, you’re not walking down the aisle with your BFFL.

There’s “girl code” (because obviously you’d never steal someone’s man, that’s just morals) and then there’s unrealistic. I’ve come to realize the importance of supporting my friends and their relationships. I wouldn’t be happy if they bailed on me last minute or I didn’t see them for months (don’t disrespect). But with every relationship comes compromise otherwise no one is happy.

Don’t be a cockblock. 

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

Does Sex Change You?

The first time I had sex was pretty anti-climactic. I remember thinking, is this it? Really??? The biggest “change” I felt was the huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders.

xx

I didn’t have to carry this burden called my virginity anymore. It was like the gates had opened and freedom was waiting for me on the other side.

I no longer had to worry about saving my golden virginity for that out-of-reach pedestal.

There’s so much pressure on your “first time.” It has to be with someone you love and care for, it has to be meaningful. It is going to be great.

Um great?

Let’s be honest… how many people even achieve an orgasm on their first time? Wait, let me rephrase that. How many women achieve an orgasm on their first time? For men, their first time really only requires a few thrusts before they reach that level of ecstasy. And we just lay there like… uhhhh cool story bro. Sex didn’t make me feel like a different person,

it only exposed me to an endless supply of new experiences. New first kisses, positions… flavored condoms…

(ew just kidding about that last one)

xc

My point is that sex isn’t some life-changing moment. It’s just something new. Something different. Something we all end up getting used to (unless you’re getting tied up… who gets used to that?). We put so much emphasis on who we are doing it with and when – that it’s like we forget to enjoy it. My first time lasted maybe five minutes and to this day, I barely remember what “it” felt like or how I even felt during it. It was just about getting the act of sex over with since I was with someone I thought I was in love with.

Now my first orgasm… THAT I remember as clear as yesterday and it sure as hell didn’t happen my first time.

Was your first time life-changing?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

Some Friends…

HOLA.

Maybe you’ve read this past post of mine on friendship–a.k.a methship. If not, let me sum it up:

I love my friends, like a meth head loves meth. But sometimes, some friends give me a really bad high. We’ve gone over toxic friends and boy-crazy attention whores; but ..

what about those friends that are so lovably ignorant of the ridiculous things they do?

They’re my friends, but sometimes they do sh!t and I’m like…

Seriously?

They can be narcissistic on Social networking sites; with Facebook status’ that make me want to turn the other way…

Disappointed

And not to mention, instagram pictures that have me like …

Frustrated

Was that picture really necessary? [Read more…]

IRANIAN MALES: Give Before You Take

A guest post from a male joony, who prefers to be anonymous:

Salam,

I’ve been reading your great blog posts, and it made me reflect a lot and I felt the need to give something back.

I’m what most Iranians would call an Iranian raised ‘hezbollahi’ simply for my political beliefs (and not my actual religious beliefs), but hey I lost my virginity to a doctor in London, who was older than me and was married, but not happy. Three years of crazy day-long sex encounters and not a single instance of thinking whether she enjoyed the experience.

It must be the sexual isolation in Iran that makes all men think penetration makes women as happy as men.

Some years later, I fell for a half Iranian religious, modest girl who I knew I wanted to marry. She was raised in the UK, unlike me and the Doctor. The first time she got intimate with me we dry humped till she orgasm-ed and I was left in such a shock! Women do that too???

It has been years since our wedding and as rule of thumb I do not penetrate unless she has come twice with the help of our powerful gadget :)

As religious people, we always talk about caring and giving but all of that disappears in the bedroom and it really upsets me to think how many Iranian women don’t orgasm as much as my loved one does.

However awkward this non-social topic might be, it is the only thing I talked about with my younger brother before he got married a few months back. [Read more…]

Laws of Attraction

Check out this awesome guest post by Egyptian hottie Mona!

Picture this scenario: you meet a guy; he’s good looking, comes from a good family, is nice, well-rounded, gets nicer expressions from your mother than you do and even passes the braying interrogations of your older brother.

There is only one problem: you don’t feel it.

 Last week, in the most random of all moves, a very old friend of mine decided to ask me to marry him. Yes, marry him. As I was getting over the shock and figuring out a way to articulate the idea that he was just a friend, my family proceeded to sit me down for a terribly long lecture about “compatibility.” My sister for one, decided to break down the whole thing into interview questions to prove the point. Do you trust him?

Do you find him interesting?

Yes, yes, but not so interesting I’ll consider being with him.

boredPerhaps some time ago, I could have entertained the idea. I have known the guy forever. We get along well, talk about many things and are able to have relatively sane political discussions. For all I used to know, I could have tried to see how things could work out.

Except that at the same time this situation was brewing, I met someone else that turned my ideals upside down. [Read more…]

I’m Afraid of Tests

I hate getting tested. I feel anxiety, cold sweat, constant paranoia – any test really… I used to always get a little surprised every time I got an A. Now as an “adult,” I’m not exactly trying to make A’s in school, I’m just trying to get by.

I resent my responsibilities sometimes – I kind of wish I didn’t have to deal with repercussions when it comes to every decision. To go to work or not. To smoke or not. To wear a condom or not.

knocked up

I’m a big advocate for condoms. I don’t really understand people who obsess over the fact that “it feels so different” without one. Yeah? So does a child.

That’s why it was even weirder when I decided not to protect myself… [Read more…]

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