After reading Holly’s last post “Do I have it all?“ I was really inspired to self-reflect on my own view of marriage, relationships, and career aspirations. Exactly one year ago, I would have read that post–with my very favorite Lady Gaga quote — and I would’ve been raising my hand, sayin’ “Preach girl!“. Dreams over D’s anyday. Now, I’m not so sure I’m a believer.
After watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory, I think I’ve found a scientific way to express myself (Note: I almost failed Physics in high schoo) Remember Newton’s Laws of Motion? I only remember one.
“For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction”
And while this is true with everything that feels the pull of gravity, it is actually completely false in the world of relationships. Part of that is obvious– if you love your man, chances are he doesn’t hate you back.
But the point is, you can love someone, and they may not love you back equally. They may not love you at all.
See how that violates physics? It is counter-intuitive, and completely out of our control. It is as if you pushed a door in, but the door pushed back with double the force– or with none at all (in both cases, you would be injured). I wish my boyfriend would like me as much as I like him, but chances are the perfect state of equilibrium… does not exist. And that is scary, and it makes both people vulnerable.
I think women fear the inequality that’s inevitable with emotional reciprocity.
Its a mouthful, and it may not even make sense but let me break it down:
I don’t think women fear waking up to a man that doesn’t love them anymore. They fear waking up to a partner that does not feel the same way. And the knowledge that they can’t do anything about it.