Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels.


2012 is winding down, and I almost can’t believe it. How does time fly? New Years is always an appropriate time for reflection (cliche but inevitable) and I’ve been thinking more about myself, 10 years ago… It might be because my Pandora is set to 90s music? But when you’re 18, you can’t really reflect on what it was like when you were 8.  Now I’m at that age, where I remember what it was like 10, 8, 5 years ago. I remember why I thought the way I did, and why I did the things I did. And with all those memories– I can’t help but feel weird. Is that what happens when you get old– your younger self starts to become a bigger shadow?

Jeez, can I please not get old? #fountainofyouth

Anyway, the more I think about Saaghi circa early 2000s, I realize I haven’t confessed something that really haunted/dogged me for most of those years: My Body.

It’s no secret that Persians are very vocal about weight — “topol” (chubby) is a word that’s just tossed around, almost endearingly, but for a 13 year old girl– that word is damaging.

At least that’s how I felt about it. As a kid, I was never aware of what my body looked like to others. But when I hit puberty, and I had chipmunk cheeks, I was growing boobs, and I was all sorts of awkward–well, I became very aware of what my body looked like from the outside.

People’s comments only reinforced my insecurities and by the time I got to high school, I had also eaten my insecurities. [Read more…]

Bringing Sexy Back


So today I found out– that it’s not me, it’s my oven. It doesn’t work and so instead of starving I decided to order pizza. After which I had the realization, I don’t think any man comes close to the way I feel about Stuffed Crust Pizza.

The best sex or Stuffed Crust Pizza? You know, in all honesty, I’d hesitate on that one.

As you can tell, I’m multi-tasking today, blogging/stuffing my face.

So in a topic completely un-related, I want to talk about…SEXY.

A while ago, I asked what it meant to be, like, really deep? And you know, SEXY is also an ambiguous term. Is it Kate Upton on the cover of  GQ? or is it one of those days when you wake up and decide you kick ass?

Is it Cleavage or Confidence?

To tell you the truth, it’s probably a bit of both. Sexy, like other things, is in the eye of the beholder.

Some guys I talk to think sexy is their girlfriend after an intense work, and some girls think nothing is sexier than guy with ambition.

The only real truth about sex appeal is that it is universal.

As a woman (because that’s the only perspective I can speak from, although I wish I could be a sexy man for a day) I think sex appeal is a dangerous game to play. Now, I’m not a bra-burning feminist– and I’m definitely nobody’s mother. But the other day, I was at a frat party– I’m too old to be going to those– and I was pretty shocked at what I saw.

Girls in lace bras, see through shirts, booty shorts, skirts, and sky high heels– roaming around a house that smells like beer trying to find a boy to hang onto. This is old news, and I am not saying I was above this scene when I was in school–

I don’t care if they have sex with random frat boys, or they drink til they pass out (I mean I care, but really…we’ve all been there). But I kind of cared that all of them seemed so insecure.

But for the first time (sober), when I looked at these young freshmen girls I saw them for what they really were: little kids playing dress-up, uncomfortable in their skin, and really just trying to be desired. For them, the frat guys validated their sex appeal. [Read more…]

Asshole Winning

Joonies- if you thought we would never include a male perspective on this blog, you were wrong.  Here at SexandFessenjoon, we are ALL about variety and trying NEW things.  So please join me in introducing our new, MALE (and sexy) writer, JAMES BOND.  Bond is your typical, asshole Persian stud- with not only a lot of baggage (aka wisdom), but also ladies.  Feel free to drop him a pickup line at or please tell him he’s full of shit- God knows, we do!

Enjoy his first of many, wonderful downright inappropriate posts below:

Hey… um joonies? I just wanted to start my first post off with this: “I hate assholes.”  My entire life, I’ve been hearing this bullshit from girls: hot girls, pretty girls, average girls, even the uglies (Sorryboutit). And here is my response: YEAH RIGHT.  THAT IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE.

Assholes always win, right Sheen?

When it really comes down to it, women crumble at the temptation of the asshole guy every damn time. Girls love the idea of the “nice guy,” but in reality, its just an idea and at the end of the day, they want a “nice guy” who is BOLD and confident enough to not take any bullshit from anyone… aka the ASSHOLE.

The definition of a so-called “asshole guy” is bad, bold and confident- he doesn’t worry about who he might offend or upset by his actions and most importantly, he doesn’t look for validation from others.  The reason women are so attracted to the asshole type is because of their confidence, its what separates them from your average, little bitch ass “NICE guy.”

Enough Said

The asshole gets all the action and hooks up with the girl, while the nice guy gets stuck with the shit end of the stick.  

It’s true, in the end- the girl always uses the nice little SOOSOOL guy as a shield or even worse: a shoulder to cry on when the asshole hooks up with her friend instead, and the part that really gets me going is:
girls act surprised every single time when a known asshole acts douchey towards them or as they like to claim, “hurts their feelings.”
I’ve had a lot of relationships: long term, short term, one night stands (best relationships ever), and all it comes down to is “CHECKS AND BALANCES”  The asshole knows how to balance himself: not be too mean, or too shallow or cocky.  Instead, they are forwardBOLD.  When women get butthurt, they translate their confidence to “jerk, ass, bastard… douchebag…”

Guaranteed he was back over that night for “make up sex”

Let me give you an example:

My homie is good looking (that’s right, I’m confident/bold enough to admit it).  He’s tall, light skin, blue eyes- Persian girl’s dream.  But he’s not bold when it comes to picking up women.  And let me tell you, I might be cute, but I ain’t no six foot, blue eyed beast.  Anyway, back in college, there was this gorgeous girl at our school.  We met her at the gym one day and every time we saw her, he would shower her with compliments and tried SO hard to be funny.  This went on for about 3-4 months and during this time, I just ignored her.  And by “ignore,” I mean, I didn’t make a huge effort to go talk to her every time I saw her.  One day, I was talking to one of my female homies and the gorgeous girl approached me.  When I went over to talk to her, she asked if I was sleeping with my female friend.  When I said no, she followed up with, “how come you never tried to get with me or ask me out.” BAMMMM, she fell right into my little asshole trap.  It was what I was waiting for and after that day, it was a done deal.

Look, I always treat women with respect.  Just because I’m confident and am man enough to say what needs to be said doesn’t mean I’m an asshole (even though I’ve been labeled one too many times).  At the end of the day, i’m the one she picks… and that’s ALL that matters.   

I’m not trying to encourage guys to be JERKS or assholes.  I’m just saying, if you want the girl or her ass, be confident.  MEN who have the balls to approach and charm the shit out of women get labeled as “assholes” for one reason only:

Women don’t have enough confidence or self esteem to handle our kind- that’s why they come up with these crazy stereotypes.

But tell me this ladies, why do you always fall for our charm ANYWAY?

FACEBOOK US or email us at if you think I’m an asshole that needs to shut the f@%! up!


James Bond جیمز باند
%d bloggers like this: