I Want Passion Without Drama

There is a difference between passion and drama.

They might look the same at times, and they often go hand-in-hand: passionate lovemaking after a passionate argument, or passionate dancing followed by road rage on the way home. Nothing is perfect, but there’s a pretty clear balance in these instances: a yin and a yang, a good passion and a not so pleasant passion, which we call drama.

My life’s question has long been, How do I get more of Column A, and less of Column B? I want to go up, up, up, and never come back down. I want the celebratory procession without the battle that precedes it.

I want to win without having to try. I want passion without drama.

dramaIs this an attainable goal? I think in one way yes and in one way no. You can’t have a real celebration if you don’t have a triumph, even just the triumph of life itself, to galvanize the purpose. But at the same time, creating a problem just so it can be solved is a misdirection of energy, sometimes with grave consequences.

Let me begin with mine. Last year, I fell in love with a Peruvian girl. Well, she was hardly a girl at 31 and six and a half years older than me, but with time…

I found that her emotional maturity was definitely lagging behind her age.

When things started out, she cautioned me that she didn’t want anything serious. “I’m not trying to wife this b,” I thought to myself. “Who said anything about anything serious? Shit.”

This conversation was followed in the coming weeks by an apparent deterioration in her barrier against me and then, indeed, a night of longheld glances, delicate handholding, and, eventually, a deep kiss that led to — you guessed it — passionate lovemaking. Paola, and that is not her real name, laid her hands on me with such tenderness, and looked at me with such intensity, that by dawn I knew I had it made.

This was the passion.


Alas, in no time, we were arguing forcefully about the stupidest things: a look I did or didn’t give her at the right or wrong moment during dinner; what time or day to get together; whether to have coffee or tea — at Starbucks. This was the drama.

It got worse and worse until I decided I had to leave her. More drama. Then we got back together: a little passion, but then a lot of drama. That lasted for about a week. And it’s how I arrived at this issue of balance: how to love without possessing, how to disagree without fighting, how to see without judging.

After giving my heart to Paola when I knew full well she wouldn’t know what to do with it, — she told me so, for Pete’s sake — it seems like drama might just be what happens when we let our passion run our lives, or when we let it take us too hard or too fast in one direction.


I think of Paola rather often for how short and fraught our relationship was. On our last morning together, we kissed and said I love you like we always did before parting — but this time, because we knew it was the last, with a little more passion. We next saw each other by chance at a club, and let me tell you, that was drama. That was it for me, as I never called or saw her again; but inside my heart I bounced between those two extremes for months, watching the distance between them decrease a bit each time, until finally, now, or one day soon, I will look at the whole situation and just be, well, OK about it all.

Do you have any stories of old flames, loves that just wouldn’t work, or passion and drama?



boos boos,


New Beginnings: Find Peace

I’ve never actually liked spring. At least, in Minnesota, spring is very much a gamble. Some days are warm and the birds are singing, but the next day there’s a freak snowstorm and you can’t move your car.

pink blossom

Two years ago this time, a professor and I were discussing the seasons. After I’d mentioned my distaste for spring, she told me that spring is the emotion of anger in Chinese medicine. It makes sense if you think about it how much volatile energy there is regarding birth and new beginnings of life.

It put into context my lifelong discomfort with spring…

but that year it meant something a bit more.

During this particular spring, I was going through the last legs of a gnarly breakup with someone with whom I’d shared a torrid romance on and off for about four years. He was living out of state and though he was moving on, I refused to give up and instead clung desperately to something dead and tainted for much longer than was necessary. Getting over him was a strenuous ordeal and realizing I’d never again have him in my life was a terror I refused to face. So…

I fought it foolishly.

Understand that we’d set a behavioral standard with one another in the past where we’d constantly scrape and crawl back to one another after a period of distance. This repetitive dependence was all we knew. For him to finally break free and stand against the tide went against everything I knew to be “normal”. I also thought that was just how love worked: that it was a desperately cinematic affair, fraught with passion and tragedy.

Truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to love again. I was exhausted and broken, worn thin to the bones and unable to stand tall or extend a gesture of vulnerability.

However, I found my new beginning in someone whom I believed to be a very unlikely candidate at first (another story for another time). A series of intriguing circumstances have led me to where I am now: in a respectful and healthy relationship with a man who is my best friend, partner in crime, and embodies goodness in every way possible. Instead of breaking me, he builds me up. There’s no room for manipulation or bullshit.

This is what love should look and act like.

I hope to be at his side for as long as possible. Without a doubt, he is the love of my life.

My new beginning was born at the death of an era, in grounds I deemed infertile. And, like me, you may be surprised how new beginnings find you.

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Spring me,


Does Sex Change You?

The first time I had sex was pretty anti-climactic. I remember thinking, is this it? Really??? The biggest “change” I felt was the huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders.


I didn’t have to carry this burden called my virginity anymore. It was like the gates had opened and freedom was waiting for me on the other side.

I no longer had to worry about saving my golden virginity for that out-of-reach pedestal.

There’s so much pressure on your “first time.” It has to be with someone you love and care for, it has to be meaningful. It is going to be great.

Um great?

Let’s be honest… how many people even achieve an orgasm on their first time? Wait, let me rephrase that. How many women achieve an orgasm on their first time? For men, their first time really only requires a few thrusts before they reach that level of ecstasy. And we just lay there like… uhhhh cool story bro. Sex didn’t make me feel like a different person,

it only exposed me to an endless supply of new experiences. New first kisses, positions… flavored condoms…

(ew just kidding about that last one)


My point is that sex isn’t some life-changing moment. It’s just something new. Something different. Something we all end up getting used to (unless you’re getting tied up… who gets used to that?). We put so much emphasis on who we are doing it with and when – that it’s like we forget to enjoy it. My first time lasted maybe five minutes and to this day, I barely remember what “it” felt like or how I even felt during it. It was just about getting the act of sex over with since I was with someone I thought I was in love with.

Now my first orgasm… THAT I remember as clear as yesterday and it sure as hell didn’t happen my first time.

Was your first time life-changing?






I’m Coco Chanel

Hey hey joons,

Looks like I owe you all an apology too – for being MIA.  But I’ve been AT work … as in haven’t come home in the past five days.  Man, the real world is not a joke.  Badbakhty keshidim.  (just kidding – love my job, even when it requires me to be serious for five minutes). 

And as you can imagine – being MIA really just means that I have a LOT to tell you all.  I’ve been trying a few new things lately – going to new restaurants, hiking (or just walking a lot), going to the gym, and even dating more seriously (sex is so overrated – LOL I can’t even say that with a serious face).

I’ve always been very closed off when it comes to dating guys seriously.  Most of the time, I just start to feel claustrophobic after awhile because I feel like a guy can keep me from opportunities (unfair — and analysis for a later time). 

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

But I recognize that flaw in myself and I’ve been trying to overcome it.  Clearly, I’m not doing very well.  I started dating someone in the summer and almost immediately, we branded ourselves with the title (boyfriend/girlfriend).  Not something I’m usually into – but for the sake of being more “open-minded,” I thought #LEGGO.

In the past two-three months, I got a crash course in what a “relationship” really is.

Being someone’s girlfriend comes with a lot of responsibility.  You can’t just tell someone they’re your boyfriend and call it a day.

That’s the problem — when you jump into something, you don’t really realize that there are standards you have to fulfill until it’s too late.

Calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend after only a few weeks is a desperate act to ensure they won’t sleep with or kiss anyone else while you’re dating them.

You can’t just brand someone with a title because you want them all to yourself. [Read more…]

Love Me Not


T-4 till Friday– have you noticed how the beginning of almost ALL my posts start with the mention of Friday? That’s because Friday is fun-day and it is my life.

If you guys have been following us for awhile, then you’ve probably learned a thing or two about me.  1.  I moved far far away from my family.  2.  I have a slight phobia when it comes to commitment (click here). 

I think I’ve exhausted the topic of my family a bit– no more funny stories left, now just the pain, sweat and tears that follow an Iranian upbringing.  But that’s irrelevant for tonight’s topic.

I’ve always been someone who has to have control, who’s not willing to compromise and who’s biggest fear is vulnerability.

Clearly, I’m not as mature as I thought

[Read more…]

I’m Burning

Hey joonies, 

We have a special post from one of our favorite guest bloggers today- you might remember her from past HILARIOUS posts, DOOZY FAB.  She’s best known for telling men to “manscape” and calling random girls out for being hoe-ish.  You can check out her OWN blog at

Doozy’s at it again!  Enjoyyy and let her know what you think in the comments section: 

“Besooz me once, shame on you.  Besooz me twice, shame on me.” 

Pesars: Read at your own risk.  You’ll probably get offended.

Dokhtars:  This really is for your own good.

Here’s a little “kabob for thought:”

“I’ll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.”

[Read more…]

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