I’m Not Your Therapist.

A couple months ago I started seeing a guy and very quickly it was established that we wouldn’t be in a relationship. But, there was mutual attraction, and we both wanted some sort of physical relationship – so “friend with benefits” it was. It was all fine and good – for a month.

Who could complain about a physical, no strings attached, fun relationship?

Well, clearly I was disillusioned and naive. No, I didn’t develop feelings, and he didn’t develop feelings either.

But, emotions did get involved. We tend to try to separate all parts of our lives in neat corners and groups: we want to have separation of work life and personal life, we want to have work friends and college friends, we want to have a physical relationship without emotions.

But compartmentalizing our lives doesn’t work out too well.

So, what happened? Why was it so hard to keep a repeated physical relationship, just physical? We would hang out 1-3 times a week, have fun, text or talk throughout the week. Soon, this guy started to open up to me about a lot of emotional and personal issues, relying on my advice and the fact that I would listen. And that was the problem:

I hadn’t signed up for this. I didn’t want to be someone’s therapist or even talk to someone about my own issues and insecurities- because that was it, we were not in a relationship to have that level of emotional intimacy with each other. [Read more…]

Stuck in the F-ZONE

Hey jooooonies,

Hope you all had a chance to read our guest post this week by the wonderful DOOZY FAB (click here if you missed it), what did you guys think: better to keep your guard up or take risks?

Personally, I’m all about taking risks and making “mistakes,” but not so much when it comes to love.

GAH did he just say he loves me?

I’d rather f#ck someone with no emotional attachment than to open up and feel something.

But I’m just going to go ahead and say that’s because I haven’t met the right person yet… #excuses.

ANYVAYYY, I was back home last week visiting some friends and obviously, family (my parents would shoot me in the face if I ever went on a vacation that didn’t involve them).  Of course, I was able to escape my parent’s claws of entrapment eventually and was finally able to see some old friends that I hadn’t connected with in awhile.

I met up with some old girlfriends and guy friends.  Sitting across from these guys who had been my best friends in high school and college, I was hit with this thought:

Is sex ever “off the table” between a guy and a girl?

[Read more…]

Need You to Spank Me


To have to follow David Golshan is a bit much because let’s be real, you really can’t beat that… but you do what you gotta do.  So #LEGGO.

My topic tonight might be a little confusing because I’m still trying to figure everything out myself- but here’s to hoping that you guys can help me out a little bit.


As Persians (men and women), we ALL feel it whether it’s with getting bad grades or having sex out of wedlock.  But it’s how we allow that guilt to take over our decisions and lives that really matters (to me).

When I lost my virginity, I had to justify it to myself.  As if waiting until I was 20 years old and in love wasn’t justification enough, I had to plead with myself that it really was okay to have done the dirty.

I felt the need to convince myself that what I had done wasn’t “wrong,” even though it’s a natural part of life.

Oops I did it again

[Read more…]

Feels So Good Being Bad

Hihi joonies,

I originally wanted to start this post off by talking about how innocent I am.  But, I’m not— I’m a Sex and Fessenjoon FIEND and you would know that if you followed me ;)

I’m pretty strict about no sex before a relationship especially if I’m seeing someone that I like, which doesn’t happen often.  And I make it a point to not fuck the guy (not verbally- I’m not that psycho) no matter how bad I want to jump him:

I want it

Because sex is great.  And even though I had to fuck a few idiots before getting it right– it was always worth it.  But let’s be real, as women we get judged if we’ve had too many partners.  If a guy has fucked 10 or even 40 plus, they’re a player.  But we’re hoes and we never like being called a slore (slut + whore).

So if you’re like me and you’re picky about who you choose to commit to then that means you lead a life of celibacy and it sucks.


Women need to get laid too.  We have needs and sometimes masturbating just doesn’t cut it.

While I may not want to increase my number- I’m really sick of not being able to have sex with someone I trust because society may think of less of me.  I’m an INDEPENDENT woman, who gives a shit what YOU have to say about it!  But most of all, I’m tired of just being horny.  Solution?

Friends with Benefits.

Like, NIKE says: Just Do It

Before I get into the gory (but wonderful) details, there is something important to remember:

Just because you’re single and horny DOESN’T mean you should do everything in sight.  Friends with benefits only work if you follow a few simple rules:

(1).  Find someone you trust.  SOMEONE CLEAN and who clips their nails (because guys with long nails are gross).

(2).  Prepare yourself.  You should already be aware of the fact that you’re only f#cking him, you’re not falling in love with him.  Keeping that emotional bond separate from your sex life in situations like this is important.  So make sure you’re physically attracted to him, NOT emotionally.

(3).  Put it all on the table. LITERALLY- no I’m kidding– (kinda). Talk about it with him before doing it.  I don’t mean to have a drawn out, hours long conversation.  But just keep it real.  Make sure you’re both on the same page before diving in.

When I was in college, I didn’t want a boyfriend.  I knew I wouldn’t be staying after graduation– I wanted to move on to bigger and better things.  So I steered clear from commitment because I didn’t want anyone to hold me back from my future.  I had two close friends in college- both Persian males.  With one, I had an emotional/platonic relationship.  He was like my brother- we talked to each other about our personal lives and even to this day, I still consider him one of my close friends even if we don’t talk everyday.

But the other… Well, we were/are close too.  We shared personal stories with one another, but it wasn’t just platonic.  I was attracted to him and I wanted it.  Bad.

He’s a hottie and he had #swag.  We always joked about sex but neither of us ever had the balls to actually do it.  Until one night, we got drunk and he came home with me.  And it was great because we didn’t worry about being “shy” or trying to act all “innocent.”

We were just in it for the ass.  

We became friends with benefits, and continued it until I graduated from college and moved away.  The best part: it was never awkward because we were both on the same page.  He knew that I didn’t want anything more from him and while I loved him as my friend, I knew I wasn’t IN love with him.

Most importantly, we were still able to hang out with our friends without them even realizing that we were fucking on the side.  Okay fine, they knew.  But we were still able to kick it without anyone feeling weird.


Until I moved across the country and now I only see him maybe twice a year.  Oh well.  Friends with benefits are people too and we’ve been able to maintain a friendship (minus the sex).

But you see, I got lucky.  I got lucky that I was friends with someone who was man enough to RECOGNIZE that I wouldn’t end up wanting to be his wife.

Unfortunately, some guys are SO STUCK UP THEIR ASSES that they actually think if they grace us with their penis, we will fall madly in love with them.

What’s even more annoying: they think that if they decide not to fuck us anymore, we’re going to get crazy.

Fuck me or die

They actually think their penis is so great that if they take it away, we’re going to turn in that jealous, psycho ex.  Um no.  Let’s get a few things straight:

(1). If I wanted to be your girlfriend, I wouldn’t be sleeping with you.  I’m smart enough to know to NEVER give it up that easily.

(2). We’re not always the ones with the attachment issues.

So MEN– check yourself before you decide to deflect your insecure bullshit onto us and blame us for what you didn’t get from your last woman.

(3).  Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean I want your babies.  So stop being a doodool-tala (golden penis complex) and just fuck me.

I like where my life is going and I like not knowing what’s next.  But most importantly, I have Saaghi to fill any void that I might need filled from a man…. minus the sex.  So I went to a good friend and proposed the idea of benefitting from one another.

I mentioned it because we ALWAYS talked about sex.

He flipped out and while he “is down,” he “can be an asshole sometimes” and “doesn’t want to hurt me.”

Guess what.


I’m a big girl, I don’t need you to watch out for me- my Irooni daddy does a good job of that already.

Just because you’ve broken a few hearts doesn’t mean you’re going to break mine. So step off your pedestal and get back to reality.

Is it just me or is this actually true sometimes?

So joonies, this post isn’t to tell you to go fuck randoms because truly, I’m not into that.  And like I’ve said before– we’re Persian- we don’t do trashy.

BUT, I think its time someone told these “men” to STOP OVERANALYZING.



Follow me on Twitter because everyone is doing it ;) @Farrah_Joon


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