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English Idioms That Make No Sense to My Immigrant Parents

Everything on this list is always lost in translation.

 

The Word ‘Idiom’ –

 

huh, like idiot?
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Break a leg!

no, tank you.
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You’re Pulling My Leg!

but i’m not touching your leg?
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Drop Him Like A Hot Potato

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You’re Barking Up The Wrong Tree

VAAAT? I AM NOT A DOG.
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Monkey See, Monkey Do

YOU ARE DE MONKEEY.
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Elvis has left the building

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Straight from the Horse’s Mouth

KHODET KHARI (trans: You’re a donkey).

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When Pigs Fly

I don’t understand.

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You Scratch my back, I’ll Scratch Yours

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It’s Raining Cats and Dogs

no, it’s not.

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The Twilight Zone

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Too Many Balls in the Air

Keep your balls vhere dey belong.

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Put your foot in your mouth

ew.

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Lose your marbles

You amerikans. Eeenglish is a veird language.

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What else would you add?

20 Things Persian Moms Don’t Like

In honor of Mother’s day, we’re going to list everything that has our Persian moms saying..

don't like

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1.  When you make fun of their english…

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2. When you talk back…

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3. When you bring people over unannounced…

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4. When you eat things before they offer it to you at a mehmooni

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5. When you don’t say “Salaam” or “Khodahafez” to every single person at a mehmooni

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6. When you call them out on their gossiping…

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7. When you don’t eat the food they cook..

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8. When other moms brag about their children..

michelle obama

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9. When you tell them they can be embarrassing sometimes…

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10. When you don’t share all your secrets…

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11. When you ask for ‘space’…

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12. When you forget your manners, in general

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13. When you don’t clean your room…

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14. When you don’t listen to them because you’re distracted by your phone/computer/TV…

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15. When you don’t formally offer up everything in the fridge and pantry to your friends…

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16. When you don’t answer 7 out of the 10 calls they make to you daily…

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17. When you get frustrated over the phone just because they’re asking if you ate all your fruits and veggies…

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18. When you try to teach them the politically correct way to refer to minorities…

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19. When you forget that they’re your best friend…

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20. When you forget Mother’s Day…

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What else would you add to this list?

16 Reasons Why Middle Easterners Are Crushing it

Crushing it since 3,500 B.C. 

B0024P 0019

I am a Middle Easterner, and I approve of this message.

1. We have shame, therefore we have class.

classy

we may be obnoxious, but we’ll never be sloppy. Our mommas taught us better than that.

2. Middle Easterners are never late, White People are always early.

When white people are running late… running lat And when Middle Easterners are running late…

strolling

3. Our Reaction to everything is usually,

white people

4. We’re good at Math and Science, because we invented Math and Science.

yeah science

Our ancestors knew what was up.

5. We don’t have to look for our ancestors on Ancestry.com

ancestry

#sorrynotsorry

6. We’ll always be scared of our parents.

yes sir

And therefore, we’ll always respect them. Fore, they gave us life– and lots of traumatic and embarrassing experiences.

7. Our parents will let us move back in with them, even at age 45.

Rent Free.

snl lol

8. If there is a shortcut to anything, we will find it.

Assigned readings in college? We walk in like…

readings lol

 And still raise our hands to participate.

9. Every Middle Easterner knows that a deadline is actually the last date to ask for an extension.

shortcuts

Our nonchalant attitude isn’t arrogance, it’s just that…

10. Nothing’s ever that serious.

do not care

11. Except when it is.

celebrate

12. Middle Eastern hospitality is the stuff legends are made of.

Looking for small bites or hors d’oeuvres? umm…

time for that

We willingly starve ourself before our gatherings just to make sure we can feast like kings.

Everyone else has parties that end at a decent hour, like 9pm. Middle Eastern parties are like marathons. We love to feed, entertain, and then gossip about it all.

13. We’re all about equal opportunity shit-talking.

I ain’t even mad about it.

aint even mad

And since it’s equal, its fair right?

14. Holding Grudges is a testament to how great our memory is.

When someone wrongs you, it’s like…

kobe lol

Forgive and forget? Bitch, please.

15. Black Tie is never optional, it’s necessary.

suit pajamas

suit pajamas.

Dress down for what?

16. Finally, once you get past our hard exterior

we’re the warmest and kindest people you’ll ever know.

big bird snl

facebook us

tweet me: @saaghi_joon

Middle Eastern and Crushing it,

SAAGHI ساقی
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