Everything You Missed | The Weekly Roundup

It’s the freakin’ weekend baby. Here’s what you missed this week:

Screen Shot 2014-05-02 at 10.01.07 PM

  • What makes Persian Dads so angry? Are Iranians just really bad at conflict resolution?
  • You don’t need bigger boobs. You need to read better books.” Iran had the “world’s biggest book fair.” Yes you read that right.
  • Joonies, we popped our BuzzFeed cherry this week – spreading a little Persian culture for the BuzzFeeders.
  • Persian brides are the queens of contouring. Sorry Kim Kardashian (not sorry).
  • A map of Iran (and surrounding regions) by the Shahnameh – translated into English!
  • The Shah of Iran rides the Matterhorn with Walt Disney. Circa 1960.

submit links for the weekly roundup here! 

facebook us

tweet us @sex_fessenjoon

How to Keep HER Interested

After Nima’s post last week on how to keep guys interested – deleshoon bekhad – I think it’s high time someone spelled it out for all the men in our lives who seem to only know how to complain about women.

Women are so confusing.”

Um no.


Big shout out to our joons who contributed via Twitter! 

We’re sick of hearing about how girls are cray. So we’re here to help the boys out. Give them some of the basics so they can stop being so basic.

1. Ask her questions.

Yes, we already know you have a job (hopefully), and that you’re a potential catch. But don’t forget that you’re on a date with us… not with yourself. No hos to hear your life story on a first date.


2. Just be cool.

Dating is definitely a source of anxiety. Believe me, we feel it too. But can we not be Persian-old-school about it? If the point of dating is to get to know one another then why would you not keep it real? Forget about your “image” and the “game.” We’re not as interested in your house, car, or mom.

(@prrrsiankitten) and (@melissaetehad)

3. Bathe… and notice that we bathed too.


You are lying if you think there is no vanity in dating. We made an effort to look for nice for you. So notice. Say something. We notice you. And we say things…


4.  Just be cool, part 2.

Basically, don’t be so thirsty. You don’t like desperate girls, we don’t like desperate guys.


5. Don’t be disrespectful towards your exes.

If we’re going to date you and for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, it will be a lot harder to not get crazy if we know how much sh*t you’ll be talking. Plus it’s tacky. Why does the “ex talk” even have to happen until absolutely necessary?

(@politicallyaff) and (@dokhtar110)

There you go, boys. The survey results are in. Not as hard as you make it out to be.

What dating tips are we missing?

facebook us

tweet me @farrah_joon



I’m Not Crazy Because I’m Persian

I love everything about being Persian and I feel like everyone else should love it too. So you can imagine my surprise when other people react to my Persian-ness with Oh you’re Persian? I hear Persian girls are crazy.  


I usually meet those responses with a small laugh and a do you know any Persian girls? Either I want them to realize they know like one Persian girl or I’m shrugging it off.

Who gave the impression that Persian girls are crazy?

Persian girls aren’t crazy, we just hold people accountable for their actions.

I don’t know if it’s our upbringing (manners manners manners) or what – but when I look at my Persian friends (and myself), I feel like we all carry that no bullsh*t attitude pretty seriously.

And yes, I will admit that sometimes our response to bullsh*t is a few choice words (or slaps) directed at the wrong-doer. It’s for our own benefit really, our sanity – you need to know what/how we’re feeling.

Getting hurt already sucks, but when the other person doesn’t realize the significance of their actions – it’s frustrating.

rudeWhen it comes to relationships, I don’t actually believe that anything can be one person’s fault. (except maybe cheating… MAYBE). I just think that if a girl is getting “crazy,” it’s usually because it’s the guy/girl making her crazy. (this guy told me that – which proves this theory).

When I look at my past broken friendships or failed relationships, I don’t really know what happened. I know what I did wrong in some of those situations, but I don’t really know how the other person felt or what they wanted. And yes, when a person can’t be honest about their feelings or intentions – I guess you could say it makes me “crazy.” But if that’s crazy, then what’s normal? Not caring?


If you think I’m crazy based on my race, I’m going to think you’re crazy for being stupid.

I’m just not sure if I buy the whole it’s a Persian girl thing. 

Are you crazy because you’re Persian?






20 Things Every Persian Girl Should Own

Don’t talk to me about style , cause ill mothaf**** embarass you.

– said every Persian girl everywhere (and Kanye)

Regardless of your style, take a moment and think of adding some of these pieces if they’re missing from your life.

Fitted Black Blazer

marant black blazer


Dark Wash Jeans

j brand jeans

J Brand was made for Persian girl thighs


Black Jumpsuit

black jumpsuit

For the fat days, or when you don’t want to shave your legs.

Little White Dress

white dress

Blouse that means business

blouse silk

An Outfit to meet the parents

printed dress

aren’t you the nicest girl he’s ever dated.

An Outfit to get wild in

wild outfit

Ooo, killem.

Black Closed Toe Pumps


for when open-toe is too sexy

A Real Leather Jacket

leather jacket

Say bye to pleather.

Converse Sneakers

converseProves why you’re not like other Persian girls.

A Chic “Palto” (jacket)


I like my coats like I like my Camels.

One Purse that has multiple functions

structured bag

School, Work, Play, Repeat.

Sweatpants you can pass off as real pants

helmut sweats

Get serious about Mehmooni Dinner attire.

One Swimsuit to rule them all


Statement Bling


Red Lipstick

red lipstick


The Holy Trinity of makeup



Frizz Tamer



Cheaper Alternative: L’Oreal Hair Serum


Hair Tamer

t3 dryer

After many failed purchases, I’ve been converted to the $250 dryer. #fml


Something naughty



Was it too much black on black on black? What would you add? 


facebook us

tweet me: @saaghi_joon


New Beginnings: Breaking Up With Food

My life has changed quite a bit this past year. New job, new home, a new pet (that’s major in my persian household). What hasn’t changed is my torrid love affair with food. And recently, this emotionally-charged and unstable relationship has really got me down.

Food is my long-term boyfriend, and I abuse him.

I’m sure we all go through ups and downs with our weight, our eating habits, and our food choices. Some days you’re on it (veggies, protein, exercise) and some days you’re not (cupcakes, chips, the couch/reality TV).

Forgive and forget, right?


Not for me. My roller-coaster eating habits are rooted in some seriously flawed mental habits, which has only made me realize that I’m addicted to food.

cookie drug

It sounds radical and extreme, but trust me, it was a tough call to make. Addiction is a compulsive behavior, from which you derive pleasure at the risk of negative consequences:

I eat when I’m bored, sad, happy, anxious, stressed. I look forward to eating, when I’m not eating. I look forward to eating a snack, while I’m still eating a meal. I exercise, so I can eat. I motivate myself with food. I comfort myself with food. I prefer to eat rather than go out, and love to eat with my friends. Good food and bad food, I eat ’em all.

What’s missing from the above is the word hunger. That’s because ‘I’m starving’ has lost its meaning for me and as you can imagine from what I’ve described,

food takes up a lot of my mental space.

A lot of what I’ve pointed out may sound familiar or hit close to home, and you may think ‘sure, its not the best habit, but addiction? Really?’ I was always skeptical about people who claimed ‘eating habits needed an overhaul’, too.

But, I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately — trying to understand how I could combat the roller-coaster aspect of loving food; and it made me realize-

My awful, addictive and compulsive eating habits have:

1. Seamless integrated into my life

2. Been socially acceptable and reinforced

3.  Are Engineered.

This is how I went so wrong with what I put in my belly.

1. Since I was 13 years old, I have developed eating habits that are rooted in the belief that food is the appropriate response to anything. A bad grade or a good grade, food inserted itself in the solution for me. The habit now seems unbreakable, and subconscious.

2. Food is legal. The good kind and the bad kind. Everywhere you go, food is everywhere- in advertisements, on the street, in the office break room. And therefore, food becomes an integral aspect of our social lives. My friends and I overeat together, all the time. In fact, we plan to do it and we usually follow through with that plan.

3. Our brains are wired to like love stimulation.

Whether it is with heroin or sugar, the brain doesn’t care; it just wants to get high.

Endorphins, dopamine, serotonin– all those buzz words? Yeah, certain foods can get those neurochemicals firing on all cylinders, which only makes your brain tell you ‘get it girl‘. The food industry capitalizes on this knowledge, and engineers food so they get you that much more high. Damn them all.

So, to bring it full circle: I want to change the one thing that has stayed constant in my life for so long. It’s time for a new beginning on how I love food.

it’s time to treat him right.

facebook us

tweet me: @saaghi_joon


Can A Relationship Boost Your Self Esteem?

As a child, I remember tearing out pictures of brides and sticking them in my diary, while dreaming of walking down the aisle with my Ken-like husband.


I didn’t even know why I was continuously tearing these pictures out, but it felt like I should–  I had seen women do it over and over in movies.

A lot of women have a preconceived notion from friends, movies, relatives that…

we must get married and have babies to be accepted and happy.

Since I was a young girl, my mother talked about planning a lavish wedding for me similar to Cinderella’s rendezvous at the ball minus the fairy godmother. Because of this, I believed a wedding must be: huge, amazing, and the happiest day of my life.


Whenever I’m with my girlfriends and one of our friends becomes engaged to a guy, everyone automatically starts wailing about how jealous and lonely they are. Being in a relationship is nice and exciting, but…

it does not make the insecurities disappear.

During my freshman year of college, I thought that being with a guy would alleviate my stress from all my schoolwork and my job.


So I went out with the first guy who showed interest in me. After the excitement of a new relationship wore off, I started realizing that a relationship isn’t just being able to have sex whenever and wherever I wanted.

I still felt lonely and my self esteem was high for all the wrong reasons. I was putting in work and effort into someone I didn’t even know. It subsequently turned into a bumpy, year and a half relationship.

I simply wanted to have someone I could call my boyfriend because I thought this would somehow make me more worthy in my friend’s eyes.

Having a boyfriend/husband/significant other does not and will not determine your worth because that only comes from within you. Self- esteem is up to you,

which is why it has the word “self” in it.


Little things like inside jokes with your friends, being with family, beautiful sceneries, starting a new chapter, surprise visits from old friends, eating new and exotic foods, and last days of school are what we should appreciate and hold onto. It took me two more relationships to realize…

i am still amazing even when I’m single.

I don’t need a 30,000 dollar wedding, Vera Wang dress, and Tiffany’s ring to make me happy. Love will come at the right moment. It is not something we should force due to societal expectations. Be single and love it because life doesn’t start when you get into a serious relationship; life starts now.





NADIA نادیا

How Could You Be A Virgin If You’re From America?

Growing up, my favorite part about going to Iran was the boys (and family). Something about those skinny jeans, spiked hair, and small, round mid-section (result of too much polo/rice) that got me every time.

tipMy trips to Iran were spent with my cousins going dor-dor (Translation: driving around and picking up boys), finding secret locations – someone’s apartment or a dark coffee shop – to go on group dates. In true Iranian dating style, we never dated just one boy.

Serial dating was taken to a whole new level. My cousins and I would date at least two boys at once… don’t even get me started on how many girls the boys dated at once. But, I was still pretty innocent in the bedroom.


I was the virgin Amrikai girl

that Irooni boys texted hoping that I’d live up to my “American ways.”

I never really knew much about the reputation of American girls in Iran. I knew that was a virgin… but didn’t really understand why others would think otherwise. It only took a few incidents of a guy getting too handsy and frustrated when I realized that American girls are infamous in Iran…

infamous for partying and promiscuity.

I was regularly faced with the question, “how could you be a virgin if you’re from America?” 


And no one wore my virginity more proudly than my family. I was given constant praise, “Even though she grew up in America, she is a very good girl.

As if somehow my lack of sexual experience was something to be proud of … or just plain shocking.

When it came to dating, my cousins and I always found ways to be alone with boys in Iran. And those alone times weren’t spent sneaking off to the bedroom. We spent them playing Truth or Dare — where everyone always asked if I was still a virgin when I chose “Truth.”  

When it came to family, I probably had the highest number of khastegar’s that I was related to only because I was the girl that could offer a whole new life in America, but had still maintained my innocence.

If only everyone knew that I ended up losing my virginity in IRAN.

I love Iran.


I experienced a lot of firsts there: my first time kissing a boy, saying I love you, losing my virginity, trying Fessenjoon…






The Evolution of Girl Code in Your 20s

Chicks before dicks… These were the rules I’ve lived by. Friends come first, not some dark-haired and dark-eyed amazing kisser waiting for you at home.

parksIn high school and college, I knew better than to date my friend’s crush or blow my girlfriends off for a night with the old ball and chain. There were just some things that were unforgivable when it came to meaningful friendships. 

As a woman-child, I’ve taken those invaluable lessons taught to me by my dear old friends, and I’ve integrated them into my current relationships. And frankly, that was probably not the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

Dating is very different in your mid to late 20’s compared to when you were 20.

loveWhen you’re younger, you don’t really think about foreverAt least for me, I lived in the moment. What was I doing that day and who I was seeing that night. It was easy for me to follow the “rules to being a good friend” because I wasn’t really thinking long-term/marriage with the guys I was dating. I was available to my friends 24/7 and if I wasn’t, they definitely let me know it.

And in all of that so called “loyalty,” I never once stopped to think, my friends might start thinking long-term/marriage with their guys. What will that mean for us? 

Is it fair of me to get mad at my friends for blowing me off when they’re talking about forever? 

That’s the whole point of dating, isn’t it? You’re looking for a partner, someone to have children and/or grow old with (if you’re into that sorta thing). Then why do we get so mad when our friends choose to hang out with their boyfriends rather than with us? If they end up together then they will be a package deal. It’s inevitable. 

friendsSo what’s the problem? No, I’m really asking. The whole notion of “chicks before dicks” and “bros before hoes” is a fake. It just doesn’t exist because…

in the end, you’re not walking down the aisle with your BFFL.

There’s “girl code” (because obviously you’d never steal someone’s man, that’s just morals) and then there’s unrealistic. I’ve come to realize the importance of supporting my friends and their relationships. I wouldn’t be happy if they bailed on me last minute or I didn’t see them for months (don’t disrespect). But with every relationship comes compromise otherwise no one is happy.

Don’t be a cockblock. 






8 Signs Your Date Blows.

Before going out with a guy, it’s pretty difficult to label him as a “bad date”. Late to the date, bad breath, and obviously (for Persian girls) not owning a BMW – are tell-tale signs of an unacceptable date. But how can you spot the dating nightmares before you’re pretending your grandmother’s cousin’s daughter’s fish is dying and you have to bail out of dinner?


Let’s be honest.

You’re more likely to end up on a bad date than a great one.

Some bad dates are bearable, but here are 8 instances where you know right away, you just need to get the f#ck out:

(1). You find yourself ordering two vodkas straight up within the first 10 minutes of the date… and you down it like water.


(2). He asks you to be his girlfriend on the first date because he cannot afford to take you out on anymore dates to “get to know you.”


(3). The guy asks if you are comfortable coming back to his place and modeling booty shorts and high heels for him.

(4). He asks if you are good at giving head.


(5). You know that awkward moment where you think he’s joking and you laugh hysterically… but he’s not joking? Imagine having to sit through too many awkward moments.


(6). He tells you he wants to take you on a shopping spree… at WalMart.

(7). The next day, you suddenly realize how horrifying the date really was (thanks vodka!). Too bad for you, he didn’t feel the same way. You have a text from him about what a great time he had.


(8). When you try to end things before it’s too late, he proceeds to call you ten times begging for a second chance. Apparently, the one beer he had caused him to “not act like himself.”


Hard to believe, but yes – everything I just mentioned has happened to me, all on the same date. I guess bad dates are all part of the process.

There are no highs without lows and the same goes for guys.

When I encounter a bad date, it just helps me realize what I’m not looking for in a guy.  And if a guy just isn’t your type, it doesn’t make either of you a bad person.

Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.


How about you joonies? Can you top my bad date?





NADIA نادیا

How is Technology Changing the Way We Have Sex?

Just a few years ago, 2008 – 2010, our technology capabilities were pretty limited. Google was still honing its craft, Facebook was relatively private… was Myspace extinct in 2008? It’s hard to imagine, but iPhones weren’t a common accessory yet. Our video capabilities were limited to having a fancy camera and um sorry, what’s SnapChat again?


Back then, dating apps like Tinder and online sites like OkCupid did not exist. (side note: did you know the founder of Zoosk – dating app – is Iranian… holla). The number of available and good dating apps is endless. In 2010, our rendezvous’ were coordinated through private messaging on Facebook or Myspace. Now we get private Facebook messaging on our phones, Twitter DM’s, g-chat… even Words With Friends has chat capabilities.

Basically, five years ago – it was a lot harder to have sex.

Technology’s only function is certainly not sex, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t allowed for a change in our sexual encounters. Sexting has never been easier. Don’t have time to call your girlfriends to gossip about your latest hook-up? It’s okay, take 30 seconds to write up a review of the guy on Lulu.

Sex sells and technology is selling it.


Google Glasses are coming out with a new application where you can watch yourself having sex from your partner’s eyes. Because… we’re too grown for an “old school” video camera. Obviously, we all need to know what our oh-face looks like. Since our oh-face is supposed to be as hot as Halle Berry’s?  The one moment in sex, where it’s only about you… you’re thinking about what you look like????

I love social media. I’m all for new applications and having fun with the capabilities that we have today. I think it is crucial for people to use them – this is what the future looks like and we better keep up. Plus I guess it’s almost reassuring (?) knowing that if I ever feel the need for a guaranteed-one night stand, I can go find one through Tinder. But who wants to have computer sex when you can have the real thing? No matter what your emotions are towards the other person, sex is pretty damn intimate, and why complicate that?

My philosophy: do what you gotta do to find it (i.e. love, sex, cupcakes…). But when you find it, do it right.

Are you buying Google Glasses today or do you prefer to lose the blindfold?





%d bloggers like this: