Woes of the Unemployed

I am currently an in-betweener. I am looking for more work/another job. I’ve luckily been able to attain some rudimentary editing and administrative work, enough to buy me saadevich-e zaboon (tongue sandwich) on the weekends, but not enough to survive long term.


The highs and lows of looking for employment are incredible. People tell me that…

Looking for a job is full-time work.

They’re right. But no one is paying me. In fact, coffee shops are charging me $1.95 to leach off their internet for three hours. I’m not working forty plus hour weeks, which makes you feel unproductive in North America. I’m also not working towards a doctorate and receding hairline, which makes you feel unproductive in Iranian North America

I’m working about ten hours of freelance, volunteering another ten, and I have a full set of hair.

The first issue, when searching for work, is dealing with lethargy. The thought can be so overwhelming, that your body and mind completely shut down.


You need to find a way to get past it.

Second issue is dealing with rejection. You likely won’t get the first job you apply for. Or second. Or sixteenth. But you keep pushing forth. I’ve been getting interviews, which is great news, but for some reason I’m not a great interviewer. I can’t seem to master the art of selling oneself in under 30 minutes. Last week I tried picturing my interviewer naked, to ease me a little, but that made matters much worse. Why was there a naked man asking me questions? Why was I suddenly hungry?


Our generation’s, and perhaps older generations’, greatest fear is telling people they’re unemployed. 

“What do you do for a living?” – is a standard question in North America. Firstly, because it’s a very easy conversation filler. Secondly, we judge ourselves by comparing and contrasting what we do to others.

When you’re an in-betweener, and you tell someone that you’re currently unemployed, you get reactions such as “That’s okay, you’ll find something” or simply “Aha.” People decidedly show you empathy – whether it is heartfelt or not (pseudo-empathy?). This is where a dichotomy comes into play. You’re always told to do what you love, and search for what it is that makes you happy. Yet, when you’re looking and searching, and you’re unemployed, all of a sudden you have no idea what you’re doing.

Do note: in no way am I suggesting you will always do what you love. I also am not suggesting that you should keep waiting until the time is right. I believe that you can take a position that isn’t nearly a dream job or industry, as long as you’re moving forward.

You can get great experience and wisdom from a job you hate. And every job you end up doing, no matter how mundane, is new/more experience in your pocket.


I’ve been under-employed (yes, I’m counting my ten hours) for about four weeks now. The anxiety of not finding work does show itself, but there are positives about my current experience. Before, I was working close to 60 hour weeks. I didn’t have the luxuries that I do now. I wake up early in the morning, and go to the library for a handful of hours to apply for work. I then go to a coffee shop in the afternoon and leisurely read. I go to the gym afterwards, and then cook myself a dinner.

I’ve read more in the past month than I did in the previous year combined – discovering my new favourite authour in the process. I get to spend time with my dad, which is really important for us both. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been…for a Persian who loves rice. And, although my chelo kabob diet has not slowed down, I’m eating plenty of vegetables with dinner.

To whomever is an in-betweener. Enjoy what’s in front of you. These opportunities don’t present themselves often. Ensure you’re moving forward, however, do not stagnate. Even though it may sound condescending, insincere and dishonest, it is true what they say…

“You’ll find something.” 

But you have to make it happen.





NIMA نیما

MILFs and Cougars, They’re the Ones for Me

I like to think of myself as a purveyor of MILFs and cougars.

(probably due to a smooth blend of mommy issues and hundreds of hours of pornography).

I recently got my wish.

finchWhile at Notting Hill Carnival (our version of Mardi Gras in the UK where everyone goes buck-wild for two days), I met a gorgeous, brunette woman ten years older than me. She was about as mast-o-nashe (Translation: drunk and high) as me, which sped things up considerably.

After going back to her place, she turned to me about about ten minutes in and gave me an ultimatum, she asked,

Do you want to f#ck or make love?

I picked the logical one.

soulWe teased each other blindfolded, which surprisingly made everything much more intense. Though, I did slightly kill the mood at one point because years of cautious Persian upbringing and a bottle of Vodka forced me to ask if I could check her wardrobe for serial killers or cameras (I wish I was making this up). A lot of the fun was about the foreplay, using our alcohol drenched tongues and hands to “get it right.”

Five hours later, we came to the unspoken agreement that this would be something we’d do on a regular basis.

I have been with older women before, one of my deepest loves was a young mother who happened to be a chayee-sipping, ghormeh sabzi-eating member of the tribe. Although I seem to make this sound like an untapped goldmine of “anything is possible,” the truth of the matter is that dating an older woman in this day and age will just not work because:

A). Most of the time you’ve lied about your age to get her

B). She eventually needs something more sustainable than “horny little boys”

C). She probably sees herself as a “sit on my lap and have some sweeties” pedophile no matter what the age gap

The most attractive factor of being with older women is that most of them know life is short and are more willing to get crazy, and they have experience that you will only dream of. The kind of experience that will literally make you say “how the hell did you do that?” in bed, along with a glimpse into real life: what falling into debt/family problems/pregnancy among others feels like so there’s no naivety.

The most drastic difference between older women and younger girls is their mindset. Younger girls want to live their lives like an episode of Gossip Girl … and they don’t have their own place. #nooffense #teamyoungsters

gossipI don’t like to preach but…

I hope one day to see a world where older women and younger dudes can make it.

Hey, if George Clooney can openly flirt with girls half his age to sell Nespresso, why can’t Stacey’s Mom have some 20-Something Arm Candy?

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The SingleMan Party

Hey joonie joons,

We decided it was time for a different perspective on the blog– a male perspective.  It’s been a little while since we heard some of our Persian men air out their dirty laundry so what better way than with an exclusive interview with one of West Coast’s finest, THE GRADUATE.  He’s young, hot, successful and living big… what more can you ask for? We’re hoping he can shed some light into the complicated lives of Persian men– plus, we are really excited to read what HE has to say about the double standard between Persian men and women.  Hope you’re ready for this one because we’re sure he won’t disappoint: 

– What kind of lifestyle would you say you had in college– Did your social scene ever evolve as you became older or did it remain the same? 

I had a girlfriend in high school and after we left for college, we tried to do the long distance thing.  But, it just didn’t work out, and I was confused about how I felt and what was going on in that relationship.  My first year of college provided me with a lot of distractions:  lots of parties, lots of girls and lots of drinking.

I have many older, male cousins and they had told me that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, so I had that kind of mindset and those expectations — and it was with that frame of mind that really led the basis of my life in college.

I was experimenting and dating around as much as I could.   [Read more…]

Shave my back, I’ll shave yours

Heyy joonies, we have a special treat for you tonight.  The one and only DoozyFab: our guest post this month!  DoozyFab is not only hilarious, but really knows how to keep it real and at SEXANDFESSENJOON, we are all about honesty.  If you want to check out more of her writing, click here.   For now, sit back and enjoy (boys, this is all for YOU— unfortunately, we Persian girls have a little TOO much experience with “derakhts”):

Imagine this:

The hottest persian guy just asked you out on a date. He picks you up in his black Benz (or BMW) and whisks you off to a romantic restaurant in the hilltops of the Beverly Hills mountains overlooking the city. After some wining, dining, and amazing conversation he drives you home. You feel an incredible connection and feel like you’ve known him “forever.” You invite him in and you both just can’t control yourselves. The chemistry is undeniable and then you unbutton his shirt and there it is:

The tree of life. The derakht that grows on him. ALL THAT PERSIAN HAIR. The Persian carpet or whatever you want to call it, is staring you back in the face.



please take that sweater off…

Badbakht looks like he is still wearing a SWEATER.

It’s a pretty awkward situation to be in, especially since you are totally not feelin’ it anymore and you’re just trying to find an excuse to get the HELL OUT.

Persians must be educated about their HAIR.


A long, long time ago in a faraway land…with no Persians to witness my pain (I say that with love). I was with a guy I was really into. We had hooked up before, but one time he forgot to trim…not only his chest, but his whole body.

When you are really into someone, things like that don’t usually turn you off. Until one night…

We were kissing and as I begin to kiss his chest, ALL I could feel was the bristly hair against my face. This literally made my face turn red (his damn scruff scratched the crap out of me). It felt like my microdermabrasion went to waste. UGH. It was just getting in the way of everything (kind of like how dirty dishes can ruin a friendship between two roomies)!

Feeling that bristly hair on my face was not only irritating my last facial from an expensive dermo, but the tips of the hairs would graze my mouth (Ughhhhhhh). I admit it though, in the beginning I acted like I didn’t care, but after a while I literally just stopped and changed the subject and actually thought about getting him a trimmer for Christmas (no you can NEVER ever get a guy a trimmer for Christmas that’s just rude and insulting)

Guys have egos so women need to figure out ways to gently ease them into how much hair is appropriate.


There you go

Obviously, you can always be sneaky and pretend like you are taking him to your waxing lady or eyebrow threader because YOU need something done and then con his ass into the seat… FREE OF CHARGE.


The pain is worth it in the end

Now if you don’t want to go to sneaky extremes there are alternatives and guys know this too:


– Trim, but not to the point where you look like a bare baby. It’s still part of you masculinity and is sexy to many woman.

– Clean up those eyebrows. No one wants to take pictures of someone with caterpillar brows.


Enough said

– If it is soo bad that if you even trim a little, it grows back stronger than Hulk Hogan trust the laser beam (it will barely hurt after a little numbing cream).

– Invest in a trimmer (beard & body). Painless and easy.


– Shave until you look like a Mexican hairless cat.


No one wants to take this home

– Copy your friends. Everyone’s hair is different so do what works for you.

– Let it grow until you look like you are wearing a sweater (you might think its hairy but we don’t want to have to “moomak” wax your ass before we make out with you).

Maybe some people like that coarse, dark, Persian hair on their cheeks when they’re trying to cuddle (hopefully it doesn’t smell like kabob). But for most people…. having a partner who takes care of themselves is way more desirable.

It’s Persian Hygiene 101.

Trim a little. Your chest, arms, nose, ears, pubes, toes, palms…no one wants to hook up with someone who looks like they’re wearing a sasquatch costume.


Keep it clean please

One slice of pizza… hold the hair!

You know how you (hopefully) send your food back at a restaurant if you find a hair in it? Well, I like to order my plates (and men) clean, FRESH with minimal hair. I’m not saying be bald or bare…just manscape a little (please… and we promise to do the same). Do not let your hair grow to the point where a woman wants to send it back like she just found a black hair in her nachos…GROSS.

Remember these tips and know that saving the rainforest only refers to things that grow out of the ground…not on your body ;)



FABulously yours,

DoozyFAB دوزی فب

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