Grabbing Balls

I recently read a “scientific” study that attempted to explain why, despite all the resistance to street harassment, “men” simply refuse to consider catcalls a serious problem. According to this report, some forlorn biological characteristic renders sexual attention, both sought and unsought for, appealing to men. For this reason, they argue, men don’t find street harassment and catcalls a problem despite the zillions of women explaining that it is.


Well, if this is science, and scientific explanations are the root of modernity, then I’m sure the majority of us would much rather remain primitive. Indeed, the past few weeks have showed how much women, and normal men, have rejected all excuses for sexual violence.

In case anyone has missed it, April was sexual violence awareness month.

On April 7th-13th, social media was buzzing with news and views about how women of the world may finally be able to walk about their streets in safety. Movements offline in the form of street protests also made an impressive show of their resistance to street harassment.

Perhaps what is more evident now than any other time is the fact, and yes it is a FACT, that sexual violence knows no borders, cultures or religion.

So next time someone tells you that harassment and rape are a “third world”, “Arab”, “South Asian” or “Muslim” phenomenon, you know that is absolute bullshit.


Yet despite the existence of these inspiring movements around the world, the fact remains that until now, no form of protest seems capable of reducing the skyrocketing rates of sexual violence. Hell, we even have projects dedicated to “teaching men not to rape now” as a last desperate resort.

Which is why I will get back to my-cough- scientific study, and propose an experiment.

If men allegedly find unwanted sexual attention appealing, consider the following:

How many times have we as women, heard men exclaim, “I love pussy!” as they attempted one physical move or another while we walk past? What could happen if we in turn, started grabbing every guy’s balls as he walked past and told him that we all now “love balls”? [Read more…]

One Year of Sex & Joon

2013 is here, and this past year has been a wild ride for S&F. We started at the end of 2011, and in all honesty, we didn’t know if anyone would read the sh!t we posted online. When in the second week, the site hit 100 views– it felt like we had hit the jackpot.

We’ve never really had expectations and that is probably why everything about Sex&Fessenjoon has just been a crazy surprise.


Nothing has been more surprising than how much it has become a part of who we each are – as writers for this site. So as an ode to a year of posts that covered everything from divorce to rape, we want to tell the story of what this blog has done for our lives.

the good & the bad.


Since this blog launched, I have gotten a lot of questions: Are you the writer for S&F? Do you know the writers? Who are they? 

Honestly, some people I lie to, and some I tell the truth. But now more recently, I find it so much harder to deny because it is a HUGE part of my life, in the sense that its something I invest a lot of time and effort in. I hold a full time job that sometimes requires 80+ hours/week– but there is not a day that goes by, that there is not AT LEAST one conversation between Farrah and I about Sex & Fessenjoon – whether its a blog post, brainstorming, strategy, interviews, etc.

You are what you do. and I do S&F. So I can’t keep it hidden.

Anonymity isn’t this wall that I hide behind, but it is how I protect the people that I love. Unfortunately, with all the questions that people ask, and the suspicions that they have– I know my confirmation or denial will come with a judgment. It’s natural, and especially in the Iranian-American community, a STAMP will be put on my forehead like a Scarlet letter.

‘S’ for Sex blogger. S for Scandal. S for shame.

I don’t care about my reputation (most of the time). But I care A LOT about my family and my friends. As much as I want to take credit for everything that I’ve done for this baby of mine, I know that there will be people who will shun not just me, but my family– and they will judge and talk sh!t.

My parents have done nothing but sacrifice for me and struggle to give me a blessed life. In return, I cannot make their life harder. I know they will stand by me even if they don’t understand, but that is not something I want to ask them to do. [Read more…]

I Am Not A Whore

One of the downsides to being a blogger, especially an Iranian-American one, is the uncomfortable truth you have to come to terms with: your personal stories are no longer going to be personal. And while we try to share ours in a lighthearted and fun way, there are posts on the pages of this blog that we’ve thought twice about publishing— like the one titled, I Said NoIt has been our choice to share our experiences as victims of rape/sexual abuse, and we expected to hear all sorts of feedback and opinions—S&F is democratic of course.

However, the drawbacks of “nakedly” exposing ourselves are really, absolutely, UNimportant when we realize that we’ve been heard and we’ve reached some people.

Fck our ABEROO (reputation) when one more girl can come to terms with her painful story of sexual assault.

We thank this guest blogger for allowing us to share her story because her courage means the world to us.




I was 19 and I had just started university.  I was excited to meet new people and to be a part of the student life– and the freedoms that came with it.

I moved away from my family home and it was the first time I was actually independent.

No parents

During the first few months at my university, I met a guy and I thought he was amazing.  We started dating and eventually, he became my boyfriend… my first boyfriend. I had never been with a guy before in any kind of way and I wanted to take things slow. 

One night, I invited him to my student hall and we ended up kissing.  Things got heated. When I felt that he was turned on there, I started to panic and asked him to stop.

He didn’t stop and he took off my jeans, the whole time making me feel guilty for saying no and reassuring me that it’s normal because “we are together.” [Read more…]

I Said No

Hey joons,

We talk a lot about the fun in sex… and partying and losing your inhibitions.  It’s true- sometimes you need to abandon the Persian traditions that we were born into and just let your hair down. 

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences ready to kick your ass at any unexpected moment.

Because the harsh fact is:

No matter how much sex you have or how responsible you are  — you can’t always guarantee success/safety.

[Read more…]

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