I like to think of myself as a purveyor of MILFs and cougars.
(probably due to a smooth blend of mommy issues and hundreds of hours of pornography).
I recently got my wish.
While at Notting Hill Carnival (our version of Mardi Gras in the UK where everyone goes buck-wild for two days), I met a gorgeous, brunette woman ten years older than me. She was about as mast-o-nashe (Translation: drunk and high) as me, which sped things up considerably.
After going back to her place, she turned to me about about ten minutes in and gave me an ultimatum, she asked,
Do you want to f#ck or make love?
I picked the logical one.
We teased each other blindfolded, which surprisingly made everything much more intense. Though, I did slightly kill the mood at one point because years of cautious Persian upbringing and a bottle of Vodka forced me to ask if I could check her wardrobe for serial killers or cameras (I wish I was making this up). A lot of the fun was about the foreplay, using our alcohol drenched tongues and hands to “get it right.”
Five hours later, we came to the unspoken agreement that this would be something we’d do on a regular basis.
I have been with older women before, one of my deepest loves was a young mother who happened to be a chayee-sipping, ghormeh sabzi-eating member of the tribe. Although I seem to make this sound like an untapped goldmine of “anything is possible,” the truth of the matter is that dating an older woman in this day and age will just not work because:
A). Most of the time you’ve lied about your age to get her
B). She eventually needs something more sustainable than “horny little boys”
C). She probably sees herself as a “sit on my lap and have some sweeties” pedophile no matter what the age gap
The most attractive factor of being with older women is that most of them know life is short and are more willing to get crazy, and they have experience that you will only dream of. The kind of experience that will literally make you say “how the hell did you do that?” in bed, along with a glimpse into real life: what falling into debt/family problems/pregnancy among others feels like so there’s no naivety.
The most drastic difference between older women and younger girls is their mindset. Younger girls want to live their lives like an episode of Gossip Girl … and they don’t have their own place. #nooffense #teamyoungsters
I hope one day to see a world where older women and younger dudes can make it.
Hey, if George Clooney can openly flirt with girls half his age to sell Nespresso, why can’t Stacey’s Mom have some 20-Something Arm Candy?